AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Thanks, Trace.”
And then he’s gone. I think about what he said once I’m home again. How am I going to fix myself? Maybe I do need more help. Like therapy. A memory of Brittany saying how it’d be odd and how I’d be a bad patient blasts into my mind. God, I miss her so much already. I pick up my phone to call her, but toss it onto the couch at the last minute. Lily jumps into my lap and I rub her head.
“I gotta fix myself, don’t you think?” She ignores me, of course. “I mean, how can I be any good for her when I’m like this?” Lily tries to roll over for me to rub her belly and I laugh. She’s way too big to roll over in the recliner, but she manages to do it.
Finally, I start to truly feel good about my decision. Maybe things didn’t end well, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be saved and put back together at a later date, especially if we’re both in better states of mind. I’ll go to therapy, work my way towards a better mental health, and then work toward winning her back. I can’t hurt her and make her worse in the meantime.
It feels good to have a plan.
Monday morning comes without much sleep the night before. Work is still giving me anxiety even though the low conversations have stopped about me. Irritated with myself, I type up a resignation letter and go to work to turn it in. I don’t know what I’ll do now, but I can’t work in an environment that gives me panic attacks. It’s not worth it. I’ll find another job.
I even follow Will’s advice and book an appointment with a therapist. Just the thought of it gives me a panic attack, but I do it. My first appointment is in two weeks. It makes me seriously nervous because the role will be reversed and I don’t like it. I like to listen, not talk. But I’m going to force myself to make the adjustment. I was able to talk to Brittany, so let’s hope I can talk to this woman as well.
Lastly, I make the first of many steps of making a better relationship with my father. I call him. The phone rings and rings, and I almost think he’s going to ignore it, but at the last second, he answers.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Dad.”
“Trace,” is all he says.
“How are you?”
“Fine.”
Great. He’s not going to make this easy on me at all. I withhold my sigh. “I’m sorry for blowing up at you. It was a bad day for me and I took it out on you.”
Dad is quiet for a moment. I really hope he’s not going to make me work harder at this because I don’t know what else to say.
“It’s okay, son. You had some good points, and I’ll work on that. How are you doing? How’s Brittany?”
Damn. He is working on it if he’s acknowledging Brittany. And of course, I only have bad news. “I’ve been doing fine. Brittany and I broke up.”
“Sorry to hear that, Trace.” He sounds sincere, too.
We continue talking, catching up, and then we hang up. Exhausted with my day, I head to bed. Lily jumps onto the bed, sniffs Brittany’s side, and lies down, letting out a small whine. She misses my girl as much as I do.
“One day, Lily,” I reassure her.
I hope, anyway. I also hope Brittany is doing better without me.
“How are you doing?” The concerned face of my best friend is a good sight to see on Day Five of my imprisonment. This is the first time she’s been able to visit since I decided to leave my room.
I shrug. “How pathetic would it be if I said I miss Trace?”
Rebecca narrows her eyes. “Spill. I still don’t know what the hell happened.”
Once again, I explain what happened. Rebecca gets pissed.
“He dumps you without letting you talk at all? Who does that? What the hell was he thinking?” I open my mouth to defend him—for what, I don’t know—but she stops me. “Don’t even think about it, Brittany. He said he loved you, right?” I squeeze my eyes closed to stop the tears from falling and I nod. “You fight for what you love. You don’t let it go, especially when you’re both so bad off and obviously need each other. He’s a stupid ass.”
Maybe she’s right. I was feeling especially weak yesterday and asked Mom if Trace had tried to contact me at all since she has my cell phone. I burst into tears when she shook her head. My parents are definitely not fans of him now. Dad grumbles under his breath when I bring him up, and I try not to.
“What’s it like in here?” Bec asks quietly as an old lady slowly makes her way into the room with her walker.
“Like hell. My day is breakfast, group meeting, vitals check, lunch, group meeting, visit with the in-house doctor, dinner, and another meeting. Dr. Gunner left yesterday, so I don’t see him anymore.” I can’t decide if that’s good or bad. I don’t know if I can trust him after being in here. However, I do know that I’d much rather talk to him than the idiot in here. “There are some legit, scary crazies in here,” I whisper. “But there are some kinda cool crazies too.”
“She means us,” says a middle-aged man, Ken, from a nearby table, turning to face Rebecca. He’s sitting with John and Marissa. “You can’t whisper for shit,” he tells me.
