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“So, this is what it’s like to be friends with you. You’re a dictator.”
Melissa laughs. “Be there in a few!” And she hangs up.
Brittany sighs. I know that sigh. It’s her tired, I’m not feeling great kind of sigh. The question is on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t ask if she’s okay. For a moment after placing her phone on the table, she lays her head on my pillow, still facing away from me. I don’t interrupt what I assume is her gathering the strength to make it through breakfast with her friend. However, I can’t stop from rolling onto my side and resting a hand on her hip. A simple touch that I’m here. A touch that hopefully helps her.
She turns to face me. “Melissa wants to do breakfast. Heads up, I’ll go with her and then I’ll probably stay in bed for the rest of the day.”
“Think that will help?” I raise an eyebrow at her. That is a habit that needs to be broken. I understand that when days are bad, crawling into bed is exactly what we want to do, but thinking about it this early in the morning isn’t a good sign. She’s giving up too early into the day.
“No,” she answers quietly, a flash of guilt crossing her face. “Maybe I’ll clean my apartment. It could definitely use it.”
“I’ll be here all day. Let me know if you want company or if you need anything.” She nods. “Should probably get ready.”
She takes a deep breath and gets out of bed. I close my eyes to avoid looking at those legs of hers, peeking out from my shirt. I’ve been strong and steady so far, actively turning down the few advances she threw my way, and something as simple as seeing those legs—legs that have been wrapped around my waist before, locked at her ankles as she would pull me even closer—those legs are not going to be my undoing. I’ve held out for too long to fall short now.
I get out of bed and lead Lily to the backyard to distract my thoughts. Today will be my lazy day. A day to recover and recharge. That’s something I’ve learned since going to therapy and probably should’ve known already. People need time to decompress, especially people like us. Rain starts falling before Lily can come inside. Damn, weather. It’s odd how things like that can affect us too. Depression is harder to manage when it’s gloomy and cold outside. It’s a smidgen easier when the sun is shining and the air is warm. Today, the weather is dreary and I worry about how that’ll affect Brittany once she’s back at home.
“Trace?”
I turn to see Brittany back in her own clothes. “Yeah?”
“Melissa’s here.”
My mouth opens to call Lily inside, but I don’t want her to hold Brittany up when she tries to leave either. “Want me to walk you out?” I push off the doorframe with my arm, but Brittany shakes her head no. She doesn’t go to leave either. She isn’t squeezing her wrist, but she seems antsy.
Before I can ask what’s wrong, she quickly closes the distance between us, slinks her arms around my waist as she lifts onto her toes and presses a small kiss to the corner of my mouth. “Thank you,” she whispers.
I’m not sure what she’s thanking me for, but, “Welcome.”
She drops her arms and takes a step back. “Text me later. Maybe it’ll help hold me accountable.”
I nod. “Will do. Have fun with Melissa.”
“Will do,” she repeats with a smile before turning on her heels and leaving without a backward glance.
Lily ambles back into the house as the front door closes. She walks that way as if to investigate. She’ll be disappointed to find Brittany’s gone. My day starts out okay enough. I fix something to eat, watch TV for a bit, and then clean my house as well. Unlike Brittany, my co-worker doesn’t call me to discuss the details of last night. Thank god.
My energy and mood seem to dwindle as the day passes me by. Brittany isn’t the only one who’s not feeling great, it seems. It’s about time, I guess. Good periods can only last but so long. Let’s hope my mood applies the hit it and quit it ideal that some people have. Let it come, drag me down, and then leave so I can pick myself back up and move on.
That’s pretty much the way it is every day. Have to pick yourself back up from whatever low you reached the day before. You don’t always have to move forward and overcome it to make progress. Sometimes the simple act of picking yourself up and standing instead of staying crumpled and defeated is enough. It’s better than nothing. It’s still an accomplishment.
My phone rings and I grab it off the coffee table, expecting it to be Brittany. It’s my dad.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Hey. How’s it going? How are you?”
“Doing pretty good and things are going well. How are y’all?”
“We’re great. Any news on getting Brittany back?”
I give him a brief rundown on how she’s giving me a chance and we’re going to work on things. He doesn’t need to know everything. Just enough to know we’re giving us another try. Dad seems genuinely happy and suggests that when things are stable again that I should bring Brittany down to Texas. I can show her around and hang out with them. I tell him I’ll keep it in mind, but it could be a while before we’re on solid ground.
Once we hang up, I text Brittany.
Me: Get your apartment cleaned?
