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It’s a bit hilarious that I feel disappointed that Trace is home. I was kind of hoping he’d leave and be sneaky as usual, so I could take it without him here. I may just have to wait until tomorrow. Let’s just hope I can act normal in the meantime. I walk in, see him in his recliner and take a seat on the couch.
The pregnancy test is burning a hole through my purse. Trace sometimes goes into my purse, but he usually only does it to get a panic pill for me. He shouldn’t do it now. Oh gosh. What if my pills are bad for the baby? If there’s a baby? I can’t come off my meds.
“Everything okay?” Trace asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Just fine,” I lie without glancing his way. I might just have a complete meltdown if I do.
I can feel his gaze on me, though.
“Dinner with Melissa was fun?” He’s fishing for clues, but he’s not going to find one here.
“Yeah.” There’s no way I can sit here with him and be okay. I rush to stand, feeling lightheaded for a moment. “I need a hot shower; it’s been a long day.” Not a complete lie. I’ll shower while I wait for the test results. I walk as calmly as possible to our bedroom, locking the bathroom door behind me. What’s the point? If Trace is worried, he’ll take the doorknob off and come in anyway.
I fumble with the box and with shaky hands, do what I need to do to take the test. As soon as it’s done, I hop into the shower. There’s no rush because I’m not sure I want to know anything just yet. This is going to change things dramatically. If I am. How can I even bring something like this up to Trace when I’m too freaking scared to ask him what he’s up to?
When it feels like I’ve been in the shower for too long, I step out, dry off, and get dressed. Then, I look at the test.
Positive.
A sharp gasp leaves me. This is too much all at once. I hurry to shove the test back in the box, which goes back in the bag, and back into my purse. I come out of the bathroom, relieved when I don’t see Trace in the bedroom yet. I put my purse in its usual spot and sit on my side of the bed after taking my pills.
Suddenly, I’m terrified of telling Trace. Tears fall down my cheeks. I don’t think he’d be upset, but the last time kids were even discussed, he said he might want them. His answer was maybe. So he could get upset, but I don’t think so. I’m terrified because I feel like there is tension between us because of whatever he’s doing and since I don’t know what that something is, I don’t know what this kind of news will do to us.
Footsteps sound down the hall, getting closer and closer to the bedroom. I wipe my eyes with a sniff and crawl under the sheets. A few minutes later, Trace climbs in next to me. He pulls me against him. His arm locks around my waist, resting against my stomach.
“You know I love you, don’t you?” he asks, kissing the back of my head.
“Yeah, and I love you too.”
“Then why were you trying to hide that you were crying?”
Damn it. I didn’t think he caught me. “I’m just stressed out.”
Trace turns me around to face him. “Let’s go out Friday and try to de-stress you.”
“You’re not going to forget about me?”
“No. I’m sorry I did today.” He starts to gently place kisses all over my face. “I wasn’t paying attention when you asked to think about the meeting. I keep thinking about you waiting on me and having to eat alone and I feel like shit. Do you forgive me? Can I make it up to you?” By now he’s making his way down my neck.
“Yes, I forgive you, but no, you can’t.”
He pulls back to look at me.
“It’s been a long day, and I don’t feel like it,” I whisper.
He kisses my forehead, leaves his lips there, so they move against my skin when he speaks, repeating some of what he’s told me before when I’ve needed reassurance. “I love, want, cherish, need, and trust you. We’re in this for the long haul. There’s not a chance in hell you could get rid of me because you make me sane. You are mine, and I am yours. Got it?”
“Yeah, I got it.”
My new plan is to go to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy and then I’ll tell him. I feel better with Trace’s words. He holds me and everything feels normal as I fall asleep.
But then Trace leaves early the next morning and says he’ll be home late. It’s like that night didn’t happen at all and I’m back to square one. My anxiety is getting higher with my pending doctor’s appointment. Melissa knows something is up and she’s dying for me to tell her, but I’m not. Not until I know for sure at least.
“Brittany?”
I jump up when the nurse calls my name. I squeeze my wrist as I explain why I’m here, while I answer their questions, while they do the test, and while I wait for the results. Then, the doctor comes into the room.
“How are you doing today?” she asks.
