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“Thanks. I hate to further ruin this night, but I’m exhausted. Where is the bathroom and where will I sleep?”
“I only have one bedroom, so all I have is my couch. I’ll grab some sheets and a pillow and show you the bathroom.” We stand and FC follows me, disappearing into my bathroom while I walk into my room to find what I need to set him up on the couch. I have him a little bed made by the time he returns from the bathroom. “All set up. Make yourself at home if you wake up and need a drink or something.”
“Thanks.” He steps forward and hugs me again. “I’d be lost without you, Idaline,” he whispers. His hugs are killing me. They feel so good and solid and perfect. They’re exactly what I imagined a hug from FC would be like. Even when he’s obviously in a bad place, his hugs are still the most comforting thing I’ve ever experienced. I don’t ever want to let go. And then, he tells me something like that? The world fades away more and more with every second. “One day, we’ll have a first meeting re-do.”
I pull back the tiniest bit to look at him. “Let’s not wait twelve years to see one another again, okay?”
FC smiles. “I can definitely promise that.”
And then, our eyes don’t move away. Our souls reach out to one another, wrapping around one another and refusing to let go. Our heads inch closer and closer until his mouth touches mine. I may have just died and come back to life. No, that’s not right. His kiss brings me to life for the first time in my twenty-five years. It became the best kiss of my life the moment his lips met mine, and every second after that became the best time of my life.
It’s slow. It’s minty as if he somehow brushed his teeth. It’s infused with twelve years of want, need, and sexual frustration. It’s…
It’s over?
“Fuck, Idaline. I’m sorry.” FC takes five steps away from me, leaving my body cold, my mind confused, and my soul chasing desperately after his. He shakes his head. “You have a boyfriend, and this is not the kind of man I want to be around you. I’m so sorry.”
He’s…sorry? Numbness hits me hard. “It’s okay,” I lie. “I should go to bed.” I walk around him and to my room, hoping he’ll stop me and say something else, anything else, but he never does. I close my bedroom door, get ready for bed, take my pills, and crawl beneath my sheets.
How can he be sorry for something I was waiting for since I was thirteen? I don’t care what happens, I could never regret that kiss. It’s singlehandedly the best first kiss I’ve ever had, except for the apology that came afterward. My lips still tingle from the sensation of his mouth on mine. How can I forget that happened? Because I can promise I won’t.
In fact, I replay the kiss over and over in my head and it only takes a few minutes for me to fall asleep.
However, in the morning, when I wake up and walk to the bathroom to take my shower, I find a piece of paper on the counter next to the sink. My heart drops as I quickly read it.
I’m so sorry, Idaline. I feel like I’ve said that to you too much lately, but it’s something you deserve to hear from me. You should go back to bed because I’ve left. Please don’t be upset with me for being overly cautious and leaving so you won’t have to take me home. You admitted that your mental health hasn’t been too great lately and I don’t want to cause any anxiety by forcing you to be stuck in a car with me for an hour after that kiss last night.
You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I don’t want to mess us up. You have no idea what your friendship means to me. Me leaving early is the only way I know how to look out for you. We’ll talk soon, I promise.
And if it makes you feel any better, I miss you already.
He left without saying goodbye? With the note in hand, I run to the front door, hoping with every fiber of my being that I can catch him somehow. Smoke hits me when I rip the door open. FC twists with a frown from where he sits on the on
e step of my front porch. Relief causes me to drop to my knees and hug him.
“Idaline, you’ll smell like cigarettes,” FC wheezes while I squeeze as tight as I can, so thankful he hasn’t left yet.
“I don’t care.” Even though it does seriously stink. “You’re not allowed to leave without saying goodbye, FC,” I whisper. “And I’m taking you home.” He’s still here, and I’m getting that extra time with him.
“Idaline,” he sighs.
“No.” I lean back, our arms falling to our sides, and that’s when it hits me that I’m only wearing a T-shirt. I tug it down over my knees. “I’m fine, FC. No anxiety. Please?”
He looks at me as if he’s waiting for something to hit me and give me anxiety. As if he’s waiting for me to realize something and I haven’t done it yet. “Okay. Go get ready then. I won’t go anywhere.”
I stand and hurry inside, feeling awkward about being so underdressed around him, especially after last night. After stopping in my room to put his note in my nightstand, I return to the bathroom and get ready for the long day ahead. I release a breath when I walk into my living room to find that FC is indeed still here.
“Ready?” I ask.
“As I’ll ever be.” He wears a smirk as he looks at me, but there’s nothing smirky going on.
“What’s with the smirk?” I finally ask once we’re outside, walking to my car.
“I’ve never actually seen you in scrubs.” He motions to my entire body. “I only get from here up.” He points to the middle of his torso. There’s that smirk again. “You pull them off, Idaline.”
I laugh. “Should I wear them on my next date?” I ask.
“Maybe.” FC gives me an address for my GPS and then we’re well on our way. “You aren’t mad at me, are you? For what I was going to do?”
