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“I was more upset that you were leaving without saying goodbye than why you were leaving. That hurt.”
“We’re oh and one as far as meetings go,” he says with a bit of a sigh.
“I disagree,” I reply immediately.
“How the fuck can you say that, Idaline? I showed up last-minute and I wasn’t exactly sober. I bawled my eyes out. The kiss. And I tried sneaking out on you this morning.”
I shrug as if none of that matters. And it doesn’t, especially since I’m counting the kiss as one of the good things that happened. “Because we finally met, spent time together, and got twelve years’ worth of hugs.” I glance over at FC and see him smiling.
“You’re too positive this early in the morning.”
“It’s one of those days. You got lucky.”
At that, he laughs.
We carry on easy conversation for the rest of the ride. FC not-so-subtly hints and reminds me he thinks I should break it off with Daniel as soon as possible whenever I mention I have the next few days off.
“Uh, FC, this is a store,” I say when I pull in where the GPS directs me to.
“I know. I need a pack of cigarettes. My apartment complex isn’t too far from here. I can walk the rest of the way. I’m not discussing that with you or changing my mind, so wipe that frown off your face and give me a hug.” He leans over the console to hug me. “Thanks for being there when I really needed you,” he whispers.
“You know you’ll always have me, especially when you need me.”
He releases me and reaches for the door handle. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay? And don’t worry if it takes me a couple of days. There’s a lot going on.”
“Okay.”
And just like that, he gets out of my car, waves goodbye, and walks into the store, leaving me to back out of the parking space to drive back to South Carolina. My heart is heavy with worry. Something is clearly going on with FC, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. Whatever it is, I just left him in the heart of it.
About five minutes after leaving FC, the anxiety he thought I would have this morning comes like a ton of bricks. All because of one humongous thought that finally crashes down on me.
Oh, god. You have a boyfriend. FC and I became cheaters last night. I don’t know what’s more upsetting. That I’ve become a cheater or that I have to accept FC is one. Yes, it was just a kiss, but that doesn’t change anything. We’re both in relationships and we crossed a line. A line I didn’t know I could cross. There’s no such thing as just a kiss, not when it comes to cheating and not when it comes to FC.
Probably against what should be my better judgment, I grab my phone and call FC.
“Idaline, everything okay? You just left.”
“I have a boyfriend, FC!” I shout, my anxiety clutching my ribs so tightly my chest doesn’t know whether to ache or feel as if piercing pain shoots through it.
“I know,” he replies quietly. “This reaction is what I was worried about. Are you having a panic attack?”
“About two seconds away from a full blown one, FC! I’m a cheater now. You’re a cheater! What am I supposed to do with that, FC? We’re not supposed to be cheaters, together or otherwise.”
“I know it doesn’t make it any better or make you feel better, but it was only a kiss.”
Yeah, a kiss that I had no intentions of stopping. That I would’ve let go further because my mind and body focused on more and didn’t give a damn about anything else. FC is the only one who has enough sense to put an end to it.
“It’s not going to happen again, Idaline,” he tells me in this strong, soft, reassuring voice.
The stupid, crazy part is that his words bring tears to my eyes. Apparently, I’d rather be a cheater than to think about never kissing FC again. God, what is wrong with me?
“Are you going to tell Lila?” I ask.
“God, no,” FC says. “It won’t do any good. It’s not worth it.”
That kills me a little more. Not that I want to cause problems with his relationship, but a kiss with me isn’t even worth mentioning to his girlfriend? If my boyfriend kissed someone else, I’d want to know.
“And you do not tell your jealous boyfriend,” FC orders. “We don’t need to find out how he will react to this. I know you feel bad, but this is more about safety than morals, Idaline. Better to be safe than sorry.” He takes a deep breath. “And you’re not a cheater. If anyone is a cheater, it’s me. You simply reacted to me catching you off guard. You didn’t initiate it. Hell, you probably didn’t want it. You didn’t do anything wrong, Idaline.”
