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Justin made egg sandwiches for us. For some reason, this makes me smile. As we eat, I tell him how my friendship with FC began, that we only first met the other week, and our friendship is almost sacred. Justin eyes me the entire time. He’s listening, I know, but it seems like he doesn’t quite believe me either.
“And you two are friends. You don’t care for him more and he isn’t in love with you?” he asks.
I frown; not because he asked, but because it hurts to think of how I will say I don’t care for him more than a friend and that FC doesn’t love me. That part I’m almost certain of, but I’m not sure at times. Regardless of how we actually feel, or don’t feel, we aren’t together and it doesn’t look as if we ever will be. “He’s my best friend and no, he’s not in love with me. I won’t be hiding my friendship with him; I never have.”
“I know. You proved that last night. You didn’t even hesitate to tell me who was on the phone.”
I shrug. “Guys are weird when it comes to girls having guy friends, and FC isn’t going anywhere. I figure it’s better for me to know now if you’re a jealous kind of guy. I’m over those.” Without thinking, my hand lifts to rub my neck. Sometimes, I still feel Daniel’s hands around my throat. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and feel like I’m being suffocated, only to find it’s my own hands clutching my throat.
“Hey.” Justin’s voice is soft as he reaches out to loosely grasp my wrist. “What’s wrong?”
My eyes find his. “You aren’t going to be jealous over FC or any other guy I come in contact with, are you?” I ask.
“Maybe if you look hot and you’re flirting, but only for two and a half seconds. Then I’ll remember you’re with me and I’ll give you an extra long kiss the next time you’re close enough and it’ll be gone. Why are you so worried about this?” His hand flexes over my wrist and inadvertently tightens. His eyes are focused on where my fingers still rub my neck. “Does this have anything to do with why you wore a scarf on our first few dates?”
All I can do is nod. His nose flares with anger, but his grip eases slightly. “Come here, Idaline.” He tugs, I stand, and I sit in his lap, right where he appears to want me. “I won’t promise you much, not right now, but I can and do promise you that I will never harm you physically. You could purposely make me jealous. You could piss me off until I’m madder than I’ve ever been. I still won’t lay a hand on you.”
Not quite sure what to say, only two words manage to slip out. “Thank you.”
Justin shakes his head. “You don’t have to thank me for being a decent human being.” He dips his head, kissing my neck with a kiss so soft and light that I’m not even sure his lips touched my skin. “I hope you don’t mind, b
ut this neck is now my favorite. I’m going to make it yours too.”
I hope so. Maybe then I won’t have those panicky nightmares anymore.
FC: I need to get away for the night to stay sober. Can I crash at your place? You’re closer than my parents. If not, that’s fine. I’ll go to a hotel.
I can hear my grandpa in my head right now, telling me not to let FC come back here. But this is different. FC is reaching out because he needs a safe place to go to stay sober and apparently, he can’t do that with Lila. Grandpa has one strike against him.
The second is that I’m supposed to have a date with Justin tonight. I’ve never had to cancel because of FC before and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I text FC and tell him this.
FC: Either way, you can still go on your date, Idaline. I’ll go to a hotel. That makes more sense anyway and it’s closer. Have fun and text me later.
Well, now I feel like I should have simply told him to come. What if being alone at a hotel is too tempting for him? He might stay at one that has a bar either in the hotel or one nearby. I told him I would be there for him and so far, I’m not doing a good job. I’ve let another week go by without talking to him.
With guilt and a desire to see him, the latter of which I try to ignore, I text FC back.
Me: No. Don’t go there. Come here. I’d love to see you.
FC: Are you sure?
Me: Absolutely positively.
FC: Thanks, Idaline. Be there soon.
It wouldn’t feel right to leave FC here while I go out on a date, not when he needs support to stay sober. With that thought in mind, I call Justin.
“Miss me so much you can’t wait until you see me to talk to me?” Justin says when he answers.
“Yes and no.”
“That doesn’t sound good. What’s going on?”
I take a deep breath. “I need to take a rain check on our date tonight.”
“No, Idaline,” he says with obvious disappointment. “The last two days have sucked for me. I was looking forward to seeing you.”
“I’m sorry. You can still come over.”
