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“Okay, now I’m confused. If I can come over, why are you canceling?”
“FC really needs me tonight and he’s on his way here. I don’t feel comfortable going out and leaving him here alone. So, you can come over and hang out with us, or accept my rain check.” I hold my breath, waiting to see which way he’ll go and unsure of which way I want him to go.
Justin takes his time thinking about this. “Do you really want me there, Idaline? Would FC? Why exactly is he coming?” Thankfully, there’s only curiosity in that last question. “Why can’t he stay there by himself while you go out with me? You don’t need to cancel on me for him.”
I struggle with whether to divulge this information about FC to Justin. Yes, he’s my boyfriend and we’re having a great time, but FC is on a different level than Justin and I don’t know how FC would feel about me sharing that kind of information with him. I decide to be a bit vague. “He said he needed to get away. It was either here or a hotel because I’m closer than his parents.”
“And you told him to drive an hour to come to you?”
“He’s told me some of what’s going on and he doesn’t need to be alone; that’s why I can’t go out. I was worried about what he’d do if he went to the hotel.”
Justin sighs. “I think I lied. I don’t think I like this friendship of yours.” Before I can process my emotions at what he’s said, he continues with, “But I know this friendship means a lot to you, so I’ll deal. I’m coming over for just a few minutes to see you, and then I’m leaving to let you be a friend.”
I perk up. “You’re coming to see me?”
He laughs. “Yeah. I’ll bring supper for everyone. Anything in particular you want?”
“Surprise me.”
We hang up a moment later. Is it weird to be so excited about seeing two different guys? It’s not the same kind of excited for them both, either. For Justin, I’m relieved and eager for his relaxed personality to fuse into me. For FC, I’m bouncing on my toes, standing by the window, peering out and waiting to see him kind of excited. My soul yearns to be near him, hear his voice in person, and lay my eyes on him.
All I have to do is remember we’re friends and I have a boyfriend. FC and I need to keep a friendly distance. As long as those two things are done, tonight will go smoothly.
Lila wanted sex. I said no.
Lila made me three shots in hopes that if I was drinking, I’d change my mind. When I refused those and got angry at her for making them, she kicked me out.
At that point, I was pissed enough that I wanted those shots. I drove around for a bit before I realized I was parked outside of a bar, my hand reaching for the door handle. Two more seconds and I would’ve opened the door, gone inside, and started drinking. Instead, I texted Idaline and hoped she could be the one to save my soul and that of my baby’s. Because if I don’t say sober, my baby’s soul is as doomed as I feel right now.
I felt like I was doing okay that first week, but ever since I messed up, it’s been harder than ever to ignore the thirst for tequila. If I’m not consistently busy, I’m thinking about tequila. I’m thinking about how good it would taste if a single teeny tiny drop would land on my tongue like falling rain in the spring. But I wouldn’t mind guzzling down a gallon of it either. I’m that damn thirsty for it.
My hands are trembling, my heart is pounding, and I’m tempted to put my car in reverse to leave the parking lot of Idaline’s apartment complex to find the nearest liquor store. But then, I see Idaline on her little front porch in the arms of Justin. Oh yeah, I need some tequila. If I don’t force myself to get out of the car now, that’s exactly what I’ll go get.
My door slams loud enough that they break apart and look my way. Maybe I’m delusional, but Idaline’s eyes light up as she looks me over. She leaves Justin to meet me halfway, throwing her arms around me. I hug her as tight as I can, never wanting to let go.
“Take a deep breath, Fabian Christopher. You’ll be okay,” she whispers.
I laugh at her name guess. “Good try, but nope.” Knowing Justin is standing only a few feet away, I release my hold on her, causing her to do the same.
She shrugs with a smile and faces him. “FC, this is my boyfriend, Justin. Justin,” Idaline links her arm around mine and beams a smile up at me. “This is FC. Now, y’all have officially been introduced. Justin stopped by to see me since I canceled our date, and he brought supper.”
My frown is forced, though my heart dances. “You didn’t have to cancel, Idaline. You don’t need to babysit me.” Although, she might actually need to do that.
“It’s fine.” She pats my arm. “I don’t see you as often and you need a friend tonight.” Her hand falls as she holds it out for Justin. “You can go on in; I’ll be there in a minute. I’m walking Justin to his car.”
I nod and avoid Justin as I walk past him. As I turn to close Idaline’s door once I’m inside the apartment, I catch sight of them again. Justin has a grip on the back of Idaline’s neck as he kisses her temple, her arms around his waist. I still don’t like him, but she seems happy with him. Happier than with others she’s dated. He whispers something and she laughs. I close the door before I can decide to walk right back out of here.
I drop my bag in the chair and fall onto the couch. Never did I expect to be this affected by Idaline and her life. We’re friends. Good friends. And then I had to kiss her and now, everything’s fucked and muddied in my head.
“FC?”
I blink and Idaline stands in front of me. I didn’t even hear her come in. “Yeah?”
“Are you hungry? Justin brought chicken sandwiches.”
“No, not right now. What do you have to drink?” When her eyes widen, I add, “If I wanted alcohol, I would’ve stopped and bought some on my way here, Idaline.”
She laughs. “Right. Want some tea?” When I nod, she hurries to fix me a glass. I take t
