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“I think you’re mine,” he quietly responds. My heart explodes, sending bits and pieces of itself all around my chest. Did he really say that? “And it pisses me off that I can’t be with you right now.”
And here comes the rain on my parade. I don’t know why. He told me he couldn’t be with me. That we couldn’t have more than tonight. If he thinks it pisses him off that we can’t be together, then he has no idea how pissed I am that he won’t tell me shit about what he’s going through.
“Do you not trust me, FC?”
He lifts his head and props himself up on his arm. “What? Of course I do. Why?”
“Then why won’t you tell me what’s going on? Why can’t we be together? I’ve waited twelve years for this. How much longer do I have to wait?”
“It has nothing to do with you,” he tries to tell me, but I’m not so sure I believe that. FC sighs. “Look, I didn’t even want my parents to know, okay? But I had to tell them.”
“Know what?” I demand as I sit up and lean against the headboard.
FC pulls himself up to sit next to me and pulls my tense body against his. “It breaks my heart to think about telling you w
hat’s going on.” That, I believe. There’s so much anguish in his voice, it breaks my heart. “Give me some time to get my life settled. To get away from everything and have some time to process it myself, to prepare myself for telling you. There’s never been a question of if I would tell you, only a matter of when. Please don’t fight me on this, Idaline.”
Hearing FC beg is the worst sound to assault my ears. As much as I wish he’d let me in and that we could be together right now, I find myself saying, “Okay. I’ll wait.”
“If we really are soulmates, we’ll find our way to being together permanently one day.”
One day.
It’s always one day with FC. Always looking to the future and waiting. Does it make me a sucker or an idiot that I can’t seem to stop doing that? He’s had his claws in me long before we slept together and I never once honestly thought about giving up on him. Can’t say I’m entertaining the thought now either. But to know that I could have him but because of whatever is going on in his life that he won’t tell me about I can’t? It’s torture. Does he want me to wait for him, for a time when we can be together? I’ll do it. My soul has already agreed. Does he want us to revert to friends only? What does he want from me now?
“What are we supposed to do now?” I ask.
FC leans his head back and stares up at the ceiling. “I don’t know what my future holds or when I’ll feel ready to have more with you, so I won’t ask you to wait for me. After this, I guess we’ll consider things back to normal and if a day comes when we’re both unattached and if you still want something, then we’ll jump on the chance.”
Yep. This is worse. He’s mine, yet he’s not. I’ll have him while I’m with him right now, but after that, I have to let him go until he’s ready. Words to say, to respond to him, never come, so we’re quiet until he hooks a finger under my chin to turn my head toward him. One kiss from him leads to much more. Not that I mind. If this is all I get from him, I want to make the most of every single second.
In the morning over breakfast, I ask, “Are you moving back to Raleigh now?”
“I don’t know yet,” FC answers, surprising me. He said he saw himself back in Raleigh, so if his relationship is over with Lila, why stay? “Hey, what’s the sad look for? We should be able to go back to talking like normal.”
Two things happen at once. FC’s phone dings and there’s a knock on my door. His eyes widen and he drops his phone.
“Holy fuck.” FC stands. “Idaline, I have to go.” He grabs his phone, keys, and bag, and I have to hurry to follow him before he leaves.
“Wait. What’s going on?”
He whips around as he reaches my front door to cup my face and kiss me as hard as he can. My knees give, causing me to fall against him. It’s moments like this when we’re connected and our mouths speak to one another for us that my soul twists with his, linking tighter and tighter until we’ll soon be inseparable.
But then, he’s gone, pulling away from me. “We might be one step closer to being together. I’ll message you when I can.”
He swings the door open. At the sight of Justin, I remember that someone knocked not too long ago. FC doesn’t even acknowledge him or wait to help me explain things. He rushes past him and actually runs to his car. We both watch him squeal tires as he pulls out of the parking lot.
“I see you’ve already moved on. I hope I didn’t cause him to leave,” Justin says blandly.
“We didn’t know it was you outside. Some kind of emergency came up.” I fold my arms over my chest, and it causes me to remember I’m still in my pajamas.
“Good to know he’s still keeping secrets from you. I was going to come over and try to make up with you, but I’m second-guessing it now that I know FC was here last night.” His eyes harden on me. “Did something happen between the two of you?” He reaches out and brushes his thumb over my lips. “I’m leaning toward yes considering how you look right now.” Justin shakes his head as his hand falls. “I knew there was something more between the two of you.”
“Justin,” I begin, not sure exactly what I’m going to say.
“We broke up last night, Idaline!” he shouts.
“Because you gave up on me,” I remind him.
