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I pretend to think about it before pursing my lips and allowing FC to get himself a kiss. “I’m not up for lunch,” I confess. “My anxiety has been insane the last two days.”
He frowns, not at all happy to hear about this. “Then you should leave. You’ve been cooped up here too long. Some fresh air and a new scenery might do you some good.”
“It doesn’t work that way,” I say, trying my best not to snap at him and be angry.
He nods. “I know. You’ve explained it to me enough that I know better, but I don’t think hiding in here is helpful either. Let’s go and I promise to make it as good as I can for you.”
With a sigh, I agree to go. We’re both on the paranoid side, looking around for any signs of Lila. We don’t see her, so maybe she finally went away. FC calls in to a diner, places an order, and it’s ready by the time we get there. He runs inside to grab it and then carts me off to a nearby park. It’s too cold and windy to sit outside, but it’s nice to see trees and grass, even if it is winter.
“Maybe you should come over tonight,” FC suggests. “We could go look for fish if you want.”
“That sounds nice.”
FC grins, happy that I’m agreeing to get out of the house, but I’m about to ruin it.
“But I should probably sleep at my apartment.”
My phone rings with a number I don’t recognize. For a moment, I hesitate about answering it, but decide I better. My heart pounds as I listen to the man on the other end. He’s from one of the places I applied to and would like to schedule an interview with me tomorrow. It’s as if my prayers have been answered. But I’m terrified as well. There’s so much pressure on me now.
“Idaline? You got a job interview?”
“Yeah, tomorrow.” I look over at him, completely scared to death. “What if I don’t get it?”
“Aw, love.” He tugs me toward him the best he can with a console between us. “Let’s worry about that after the interview and once they’ve told you you aren’t hired. I’m sure you’ll do great tomorrow.”
I’m sure hoping. FC takes me back home so he can head back to work and I spend the rest of my day worrying about my job interview for tomorrow. FC does come over after work to pick me up. Sawyer looks like a happy little baby and shouts my name as I get into the car.
“Hey, Sawyer,” I say to him with a smile. He grins at me. “Do you want to get some fish?”
He answers back, but I’m not sure if he says yes or no. FC gave him a fish stuffed animal to play with, so it seems as if he is ready.
“I figured we would get the tank today, check out the fish, and come back tomorrow once the tank is ready,” FC tells me.
That sounds good to me. Sawyer talks in the backseat until we arrive at the store. FC holds Sawyer’s hand, letting him walk into the store. It kind of amazes me. He has the patience to walk a little slower, stop when Sawyer finds something of interest, and talk to him about whatever he sees. He’s totally entranced by the birds we come by. FC picks him up, so he can see a rabbit that’s up for adoption.
And when we get to the fish, Sawyer is in love. He tries to press his face to the glass, but FC doesn’t let him get quite that close. Sawyer points to practically all fish.
“We have to find a place for them to live first,” FC tells him as we walk toward the tanks and away from the fish. Sawyer twists in FC’s arms to look at the retreating fish.
“DaDa!”
FC rubs his back. “We’ll get some later. It’s okay.”
Showing fish to Sawyer first turns out to be a bad idea. All he wants is fish. It’s tempting to show him something else, but the last thing I think we should do is show him other animals that he may fall in love with. FC doesn’t seem bothered by Sawyer’s whines and pleas to see the fish. He soothes him with such gentleness and patience that halfway through picking items out, Sawyer has stopped crying and is making his fish swim like the ones he saw.
“What about this?” FC holds up a decorative item for the tank. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I see people be parents all the time, but for some reason when you do it, it just…” I shake my head as my voice trails off. “It amazes me when I watch you. It’s almost as if I’ve never seen someone be a good parent and you’re my first example. I love watching you with him.” I shrug and focus on the pirate ship in his hand. “I like it.”
FC smiles, leans forward, and kisses me chastely and quickly. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Sawyer joins in on the fun and smacks a kiss to FC’s cheek.
“I love you too, son.”
Gah, they are too adorable. I’m glad FC dragged me out of the house. Or at least, that I’m spending time with them. I’m not anxiety-free, but I don’t feel like I’m drowning in it either. My mind is mostly distracted for a bit. The noise, the worry, has quieted to a soft thrum instead of loud, raucous buzzing.
