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I'm going to fucking murder him. I'm not that guy to them, and he has showed them who I am when I'm not here on Sunday. He had no business telling them about Audra, and he's going to pay for it when we leave.
I see Mr. Lanier shake his head from the corner of my eye, but I'm looking at Mrs. Lanier. I don't want to break her heart again. There's a sad expression on her face. Bo put that there, the bastard. She reaches across the table with her palm up. Reluctantly, I put mine in hers.
“I know you're only twenty-two, but you are too old to behave like that. You need to find her and have a conversation with her, no matter how much you don't want to. You need to do the right thing, Neil. We know first hand that you're capable of that.”
My heart shreds at her words. My throat feels like it's closing, and I hate it. This is exactly why I didn't want them to know. Slowly, I nod my head.
“You're smart, Neil,” Mr. Lanier starts. “And you're a good man. Don't forget that. Remember, we're here for you too. My wife is right. You need to do the right thing. I'm sure I can talk to my brother-in-law and get you a job. It won't be great, but then you'll have some of your own money coming in.”
All I can do is nod. They ask me to keep them updated, to call if I need anything, and then I tell them that we need to go. They seem to hug me extra tight before we leave. Alice wants me to stay longer and play with her, but I tell her I'll play twice as long next time. The rage is boiling my blood and if Bo gets close enough, I'm going to knock the motherfucker out. We're not a mile from their house when he speaks.
“I'm sorry, but I knew you would listen to them. You respect them too much not to.”
“You had no fucking right, Bo! It wasn't your place, and they didn't need to hear that shit,” I yell, my voice entirely too loud for the enclosed space of my car. “No. Fucking. Right!” My knuckles are white as I clench the steering wheel, fighting for control over my emotions. I feel like he just betrayed me to my parents, except Mr. and Mrs. Lanier aren't my parents. He did betray me though.
“Someone had to get through to you,” he starts.
“Not them! They are the last people on this God damn earth who you should have told that I knocked a girl up! You should know better, Bo. You had no fucking right to bring that up to them. None. And you didn't just say she was pregnant, you had to add that she was a one night stand, and I threw her out the moment she came to me. And in front of Alice? God, you're a fucking bastard.”
“Neil,” he tries.
“No. You stay the hell away from me.” I throw my car into park and get out, storming into the house. Every door I reach gets slammed shut. The front door, the cabinet door, my bedroom door, if it's a door, I force it closed as hard as possible. Let the damn things break, I don't care. I go to my room, blast some music, and lay on my bed.
What am I going to do now?
Every drop of blood in me is telling me to not do the right thing. It isn't worth the risk, and I don't want that life. Yet, on the other side of the argument is Mr. and Mrs. Lanier and Alice. How am I going to face them every week if I don't go hunt down Audra and be there like I'm supposed to be? I can't do that. It would be worse to do nothing and face them than stepping up to take care of my responsibility. Either option sucks.
How am I even supposed to make it work? My future only goes as far as tomorrow with the exception of possibly getting signed this year. God, do I even want to try to figure this out? Because if I do, then I'm going to have to find Audra. If I find her, then I'm going to have to face the reality. I sigh, burying my face into my pillow.
This is all Bo's fault. If he hadn't said anything to them, then I could have gone at least another month without worrying about a guilty conscience. I'll give him a couple more days of grief before I let him know what I've decided. I just hope I'm ready for my world to turn completely upside down.
For now, I'm not thinking any more about it. There's homework I need to do because if I expect to keep my scholarship, I need to keep my grades up. I can't focus, though, so it takes three times as long to complete than normal, which makes sure that I stay in my foul mood. When I do leave my room, I slam the doors and see that Grant is back.
“Stop with the slamming,” Bo calls from the living room.
“Fuck off, Bo,” I snap.
Grant seems confused, but he's smart and doesn't say anything. I grab something to drink from the fridge and stalk back to my room. With my laptop in front of me, I try searching Facebook for Audra, but I don't come up with any results. Either she doesn't have one, or she has it so people can't find her. It's a problem for me because I'm not sure how to get up with her now.
I think I've had
enough of being awake for one day.
I STAY IN a bad mood with Bo for another day before I decide he's had enough. I'm out of ideas on how to find Audra, so it's making me antsy. How can I do what's right if I can't find her? Bo is lying on the couch, watching an NHL game on TV when I go into the living room and begin to pace.
“If I ask what's wrong, are you going to bite my head off?” he asks.
“No, but if you ever do something like that again with the Lanier's, I'll kill you.” Bo nods. “I've tried searching for Audra online, but nothing shows up. Any ideas on how to get up with her?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
I stop pacing and sit in the recliner. “Well?”
Bo leaves before returning and handing me a slip of paper with a phone number on it. “There's her number.”
“Why do you have this? How do you have it?” I ask, staring at it. The nerves have taken over, but I'm trying not to freak out again. Calling her will have me cornered and will start a new journey in life, one that I already don't want to be on. Not to mention everything that could go wrong.
“When I went outside after her, I told her not to make any decisions for a week or so and that you would come around. I asked for her number, so I would have it when you were ready. You're welcome.”
