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I sit in silence for a few moments. The rat bastard has had her number all this time? He knew that I would change my mind? That partly pisses me off, but I'm relieved too. Bo doesn't deserve an answer, so I go back to my room to call Audra, wearing the carpet down while I wait for her to answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Audra? It's Neil.”
She sighs. “What do you want?” Well, that wasn't what I was expecting.
“Could we meet and talk? Please?” Audra doesn't say anything for the longest time, but I know she's there because I can hear movement in the background. “Please, Audra,” I beg.
“Okay. I get off work in two hours, and I'll have a little time before my class tonight. You can buy me dinner. Do you know where that little pizza place is near Ladybug Road?”
“Yeah, I do. I'll see you there in two and a half hours?”
“Right. My break's over. Bye, Neil.”
She hangs up without waiting for a response. Audra is working and going to school? That must tire her out, especially now that she's pregnant. With time to spare, I call Mr. Lanier, knowing that I'm going to need an income as well.
“I'm glad to hear about this, Neil. You're making the best decision. I'll talk to him and he'll call you. Now, it's most likely going to be a graveyard shift, but it's better than nothing. You'll still be able to play and go to school too.”
“Thank you, sir. I'm grateful for any opportunity,” I tell him truthfully. The graveyard shift will mean I'm going to be tired as fuck all the time, but I'm sure I can make it work. He tells me more about the job, which is a janitorial position, cleaning the building spotless at night in preparation for the following workday.
Before he gets off the phone, he says, “Don't forget that we're here for you. Call us if you need anything. Have you spoken to your parents yet?”
“No, sir. I will soon enough. I'm actually about to go meet with Audra now and talk to her.”
“Good. We'll see you Sunday then.”
I hang up and then I'm on my way to meet Audra. I can already tell how the next few months are going to go. My stomach is in knots, so I'm going to be nothing but pure, wild nerves on the edge. Part of it is because I have no control over this situation, Audra, or this baby, and I damn well know it. Audra has the upper hand, so to speak. I can't make her do anything or not do something. I kind of feel like I'm in a war with nature, helpless to make much of a difference.
When I walk into the delicious aroma-filled restaurant, my eyes immediately land on Audra. She's looking down at the table, ripping up a napkin.
“Can I help you?” a middle-aged woman who looks eerily similar to Audra asks.
“I'm here to meet someone,” I answer, pointing over to Audra.
The woman's lips set in a firm, unhappy line. She nods and steps aside so I can go over to her. Audra finally looks up as I pull my chair back. She doesn't smile either.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey, Neil. I already ordered my favorite, but I didn't know what you wanted to drink.”
A waitress promptly comes over to take my drink order. Once she leaves, I start apologizing and explaining.
“I'm sorry about last week. If you'll let me, I'd really like to go through this with you as much as I possibly can. Maybe we should try to get to know each other a little better. Do you know much about me? I don't know if you've heard things around campus or not.”
Audra narrows her eyes at me. She has indeed heard things. “You mean the fact that you'll sleep with anything with a pulse, so you're basically a man-whore? The kind of guy I don't want anywhere near my baby because she deserves better than that for a father.”
She.
All I can do is stare at her because she said 'she'. My heart feels still as it soaks in that we're having a baby girl. There's a bite of pain, a feeling that this isn't right because I don't love Audra, and the awful, bad taste of memories screaming, 'what could have been.' But I ignore all that with a clearing of my throat. “It's a girl?” I say quietly, needing her to confirm.
Her eyes widen slightly, and I'm guessing it was a slip of the tongue. She barely nods. “I found out this morning.”
I lean back in my seat as the waitress walks over and sets the pizza down on the table. For a few seconds, I watch Audra. Today, she's in all black from work at a retail store, but her clothes fit her better than when she came to see me. Audra is very pretty, obviously. If I didn't find her attractive, I wouldn't have slept with her in the first place. Suddenly, I'm trying to picture my baby girl with her features. The words of adoption that I spoke about before pass through my mind, and I sit up. If I'm going to do this, I need to do it right, all the way.
“You haven't made any decisions since the last time I saw you, have you?” I ask as she takes a bite of the pizza. I wish I had timed my question better because I have to wait for her to finish now.
“Actually, I have,” she answers seconds later. I hold my breath while she takes a swallow of water, wondering if she's already decided on adoption. “But you don't get to know,” Audra sighs like I'm personally exhausting her.
