AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My eyes flash open to find Audra standing in front of me. I yawn, wanting to stretch my legs, but can't until she moves. “About time you wake up,” I grumble with my thick, just-woken-up voice.
She laughs. “You were the one sleeping. I need to eat. I'm feeling a little lightheaded.”
I sit up and grab her hips. “Lightheaded? Why are you standing?” I guide her over until she's sitting down next to me. “What do you need? What do you want? I can run to the store. I-”
“Neil,” she rests a hand on my arm, “calm down. I'm only a little weak. There's no need to panic.” Her voice is soothing, which makes me relax a little.
“Right. Do you want me to fix you something to eat or go get something?”
Audra moves to stand, but I gently make her sit again. I do not want her passing out. She huffs and gives me a fake glare. “You don't have to do anything. I woke you up because I figured that would be better than you waking because of some banging around in the kitchen.”
“Yeah, well, you stay here. Tell me what you want and I'll go fix it for you.”
“Neil,” she protests.
“Unless my name is about to be followed with what food you want to eat, then I don't want to hear it.” I level my gaze at her until she sighs and tells me what she wants.
I leave Audra in the living room and start rummaging through her kitchen to find what I need. She wants chicken Alfredo. I have no freaking clue how to put all that together, but I'm sure I can figure it out. How hard can it be? She already has chicken breasts in the fridge, so I grab those.
“You're going to need-”
I spin to see Audra pulling out a chair at the kitchen table. “What are you doing?” I interrupt.
“I make it from scratch, and since you're so determined to cook, I'm going to tell you how.”
So Audra starts instructing me on what I need to do and where I need to get the ingredients. I keep glancing at her to make sure she looks okay. Every time I look, she's scrolling through her phone, rubbing her stomach, or watching my every move. About halfway through, she gets up and walks over to me.
“Feeling okay?” I question as she peers into the pot.
“I'm feeling freaked out that you are in my kitchen cooking. And a little worried that you're going to burn my apartment down.” Audra glances at me, causing me to laugh.
“Just imagine how I feel then, but I have things under control. You can go sit back down now.”
“Please tell me you aren't going to be this way until the baby comes. That sounds even freakier than you cooking for me.”
I laugh again. “We'll see.” The thought that she's having a girl passes my mind again like it has many times since I found out. That terrifies me even more. A sweet, innocent baby girl. How fucking scary is that? I clear my throat as I stir. “Have you thought of any names yet?”
Audra shakes her head before walking back to her seat. “No. I wasn't ever one of those girls that had a list of names I liked or even really had a preference for names. I mean, I like mine and that's as far as it goes.” She chuckles. Her voice turns soft as she adds, “I'm more scared than anything, if I'm being perfectly honest.”
I look over to her, but she has her head down. “Yeah, me too.” Scared is such an innocent, lighthearted word for how I feel.
“I never dreamed of having kids one day, much less right now. But ever since I found out, underneath all the fear, there's a bit of excitement too. I might not have wanted kids before, but I want this little girl.” She laughs, but it's a disbelieving one. Audra lifts her gaze to me. “And you are just making sure you take care of your responsibility.”
Her words are like a hard slap to the face. She's right. This isn't about whether I want that baby or not. I'm here because I should be. It's the right thing to do. Everything else is supposed to fall into place as we go along. I can't stand to look at her anymore, so I fill up a plate of the now done pasta and take it to her.
“Here you go, Audra. I'll catch up with you later. Call if you need anything.”
This is the last place I want to be. Because now all I can think about is what if everything doesn't fall into place? What if by the time the baby comes, I still don't want her? What if she's born and I feel nothing but an obligation? A chore? A responsibility? What if my baby girl realizes this and it affects her as she grows up? Am I just making things worse for Audra and her?
I'm halfway to the door when Audra says, “Wait. Neil, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.”
I turn to face her. “Doesn't make any difference if you're thinking it already. I should go, though. I need to eat before I have to go into work.”
“You just fixed dinner,” she says like that is the answer to all our problems. “C'mon, Neil. Are you going to make a pregnant girl beg?” She gives me a subtle smile.
“Maybe,” I smirk.
Audra laughs. “There's the Neil I know. Fix yourself a plate and have a seat. We never talked, so let's do that.” Once I've done as she said and am sitting across from her, she tells me her plan in-between bites. “First, we obviously need to get to know each other better. If you're serious about being here, then we need to do that and be able to get along because we're going to be around one another for a long, long time.”
