AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You're welcome. I need to go. I'll see you later.”
When I leave, I realize something. There's an odd feeling inside me, and I'm not sure about it. It feels good, but it doesn't at the same time. I feel...content. Happy. I hate that it almost feels wrong and foreign. My mind is lost in this for the rest of the evening. I should be happy, should be happy about being happy. All this talk about Candace is why it doesn't seem right, I believe. I'm waiting for something to go wrong, and I know I won't be able to handle it if it does.
Her death broke me. Bo wasn't kidding when he said I haven't been the same person since. How could I be? She was everything to me and then one day, she was gone. She didn't exist anymore. Our baby didn't exist anymore. It didn't seem real, much less possible. I struggled through the rest of hockey season, debating wanting to quit and never touch the ice again and trying to hold on to the only thing I had left.
And now Audra is here, carrying our baby, and being excited about it doesn't fit. It feels like it shouldn't. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should talk to Bo about it. Though, his advice always ends up pissing me off in the end, whether he's right or not. I try to push these thoughts away when I mess up a pass to Winston during our game, but I can't help it. Audra and her mom are here. How the hell am I supposed to focus on hockey when I'm wondering if she's still tired from our shopping trip? Wondering if baby girl is moving around in her belly right now?
“Neil,” Bo cuts through my thoughts. “Focus,” he grits.
“Fuck off.”
With a deep breath, I do focus. I can't be a reason we lose this game. Not with who is in the crowd. I push myself, push my teammates, and try not to worry about anything else. We come away with a 2-1 win. Back in the locker room, my phone beeps with a text. Like I promised, it's never on silent. There's a text from Audra.
Audra: Tired. We're going ahead home.
I text her back: okay.
At least I won't have to tell the guys yet. I ignore questions from the guys about my play tonight. It wasn't awesome, but it was enough. I go to the house, take a nap, and then go to work for a few hours. I can't shake this bad feeling. It's probably nerves about tomorrow. My phone beeps with another text as I'm leaving.
Audra: Will you come over?
Me: Need to run home first, then I'll be on my way.
Audra: Thanks.
I wonder why she wants me to come over. This is a key reason why we should live together. Then there wouldn't be any of this back and forth mess. I'm not sure how to bring it up to her or the guys, despite what Bo told me. When I get to the house, Winston is awake, sitting on the couch watching TV. I mutter a hello and go about my business. Once I have my things to spend the night, I head for the door.
“You're seeing someone, aren't you?”
I freeze, slowly turning to see Winston watching me carefully. “What?”
“You have a girlfriend, don't you?” There's a small smile on his lips.
“Something like that,” I answer before leaving him behind.
I'm grateful I don't feel too tired because I definitely need to pay attention while driving. It did snow this weekend, so it's cold as fuck and the roads are icy. I'm almost grateful she texted me because seeing Audra does relieve a bit of my uneasiness. She smiles when she opens the door, stepping aside so I can come in.
“What are you doing up?” I ask.
“I'm having trouble sleeping. Thanks for coming.” Audra closes the door and faces me. That's when I see it. The tired eyes, the slow blinks like she's trying to stay awake, and the overall need for sleep on her face.
“Come on,” I say, taking her hand to lead her to her bedroom. “Go ahead and lay down,” I tell her gently. She moves to her bed, not once objecting which really tells me how tired she is. I don't know why she's not sleeping though. I go to the bathroom, change, and get ready for bed. When I come out, she's sitting up in bed with the blanket up to her waist. I ignore the normal-ness of this, of us, as I slide in next to her. “What's wrong, Audra?”
“Nothing.” She goes to lay down on her side, facing away from me. After a moment, I turn off the lamp and lay on my back. Her arm reaches out behind her, and her hand hits my stomach. “Come over here,” she softly orders. I do, cuddling up behind her and slipping my hand between my stomach and her back to knead my thumb into the muscles there. “Is something wrong, Neil? I feel like something isn't right with you and it's making me worry.”
I rest my forehead on her shoulder blade, not liking how easily she can read me. “I thought I was the worrier between us.”
“Neil,” she starts, trying to turn around to face me, but I keep her in place.
“I'm fine. Let's get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.”
Audra's quiet for a few seconds before she gives in. “Okay.”
Thankful, I kiss her shoulder, close my eyes, and sleep comes soon enough.
“NEIL! YOU CAME!” Alice yells as she runs up to me.
I release Audra's hand to catch her in my arms. “Of course I did. I told you I would be here. I have someone for you to meet,” I tell her as she wraps her arms around my neck.
