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Sex after a loss always makes things better.
Until Maddie is laying next to me, and I notice that she still looks thinner. Clearing my throat, I decide to say something.
“Have you lost weight?”
She shrugs like she doesn't know. “Maybe. I've been running more. Do I look like I have?” Maddie smiles as if that would be a good thing.
“Yeah. Maybe you should eat more and run less. You don't need to lose weight.”
This time, she frowns. “I'm not going back to Fatty Maddie, Winston.”
I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling. Fucking Dave. “You weren't ever fat, Maddie. Dave was a dick to call you that and you shouldn't have believed him so much. You were fine the way you were. It's not healthy for you to lose weight when you're already so little. I'm surprised you have weight to lose.”
“I was a little heavy, to say the least,” she protests.
“I don't care how much you weighed or how it might have looked because you're short. You were healthy, Maddie. That's what mattered. Did you ever eat lunch after we worked out the other day?” I've noticed that she'll grab something small, like a granola bar, for breakfast, but I always thought she would eat a big lunch, especially because that's what she said. I've tried to get her to eat breakfast with me, but she won't.
“No, I wasn't hungry.”
I roll onto my side to face her. “Are you still self-conscious about your weight, Maddie?” I question as gently as possible.
She rolls her eyes. “No.”
“You're lying,” I state simply. Maddie always absentmindedly pulls her lips into a subtle purse when she lies. Guess what her lips did right before she answered me? I pull her closer to me, holding her head in my hands. “I don't give a fuck that he teased you. You're gorgeous, Maddie. You were back in high school and you are now. But if you aren't eating like you should on top of exercising like a fucking maniac, that's not good. It's not healthy.”
That purse of her lips appears before she says, “I'm fine.”
“Don't lie to me, damn it!” I release her face and roll onto my back again, throwing my arm over my face. Has she been like this since the night we ended? Always struggling with a nonexistent weight problem because her brother was a fucking idiot who thought it was funny?
“What makes you think I'm lying, Winston?” It pisses me off that she's curious about this and deflecting from the issue at hand.
“You have a tell,” I snap. She wiggles on top of me and moves my hand. “You are the prettiest when you're healthy, Maddie. You don't look healthy to me right now,” I say before she can utter a word.
“Can we just drop it?” she whispers, kissing my jaw, trying to distract me.
“No.”
Maddie sighs, moves back to her side of the bed, and covers up. “Good night then.”
“Maddie,” I start.
“Good night, Winston,” she repeats more forcefully.
I sigh. “Night.”
This conversation is far from over. Once finals are over, she'll be out of reach until spring semester. I could hope that Dave notices, but I doubt he really understands what's going on with her. After tonight's conversation, I'm concerned. Maybe I should wait and see how things go once we get back. If things are the same, then I'll have to force Dave to talk to me.
IT FEELS LIKE so much has happened. Christmas is coming up. Thanksgiving, which was awesome, has already passed. I had the day off, so while everyone went home, I stayed at the house, relaxed, caught up on homework, and texted Audra. She and her parents traveled to her grandparents, so I was left here all alone. Can't say I didn't enjoy it either. It was much appreciated down time.
Audra has officially become my girlfriend, though the guys still don't know about the baby. They will soon enough if things go as planned. Things with Audra have been good. We've been going to childbirth classes. We're doing well in school, and we go out here and there. She's even going with me to dinner on Sundays sometimes.
We're supposed to go out tonight since we haven't seen each other much because I had some games during the week. Between losing last night and missing her, I'm ready to see Audra. Plus, tonight, I plan on asking her to move in with me. I'm over here early as usual.
“Neil? That you?” she calls from down the hall as I shut the door behind me.
“Yeah, babe.” Yep. I can call her that now.
“Come here please.”
