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“No, it's fine. C'mon.”
They disappear onto the other side of the door, and we all exchange glances. Bo, Grant, and I are the only ones who don't seem surprised because we all knew.
“Woah,” Vincent speaks first. “Why hasn't he said anything?” he asks Bo.
“I don't know.”
Neil reenters the room with a smile, but it goes slack when he sees we're very much the same as before. “Might as well get this over with, huh?” Everyone nods. “That's Audra. She's my girlfriend. In case you weren't staring at her long enough earlier to notice, she's pregnant and having a girl. That cover everything?”
They nod again and that's that. With the fall semester officially over, everyone is ready to get out of here. I am too, and on the way to my car, I try calling Dave, but he doesn't answer. I leave a voicemail anyway.
“Hey, I need to talk to you about Maddie. Call me back.”
Something tells me I'll be leaving lots of voicemails until he answers or until I think of a better way to force him to talk to me.
AUDRA SHOWING UP last night wasn't exactly how I planned on telling the rest of the team, but it worked out fine. It was a day when she had a night class, so she was already on campus and decided to go to the game after she finished her final. With the snow and all, she decided to wait for me, so I could follow her home. She was tired of waiting though and was on the brink of leaving already since she wanted to stop by the store too. She wanted to see me though, so she barged right on into the locker room.
Now, I'm sitting in her living room while she's getting ready for work. My phone rings and it looks like I'll be asking my parents today. I wasn't planning on calling them until tomorrow.
“Hey, Mom. How are you and Dad?” I say once I answer.
“Good. You and Audra?” she asks.
“We're fine.”
“That's great. I wanted to call and check in since the semester is over. How did you do in your classes?”
“Pretty good. I think I did well on my finals too. I'm glad you called.” I take a deep breath, knowing this could go either way. “I wanted to see if you and Dad would like to have dinner with us and her parents? Then you can meet her. I've been wanting to talk to you and Dad anyway.”
Mom's pause of silence tells me most of what I need to know. “Neil, you know your father. He still hasn't gotten over what happened.”
I clench my jaw. “That's why I want to see you both. I want to apologize for the things I did and said.”
“I can try talking to him,” she offers, but it's not good enough.
“Mom, do more than try. I don't know what y'all want from me. All I can do is say sorry.” After a calming breath, I quietly speak so Audra won't hear me talking. “The first person close to me in my entire life to die was Candace. Your parents and Dad's parents either died before I was born or while I was really little. I don't remember them. So yeah, it was fucking hard to deal with when I lost her. I didn't know how to cope and my method was a shitty one, but I did the best I could, Mom.
“I know it's not a good excuse for being stupid and saying crap to y'all, but you have to get over it at some point. I'm going to be a dad soon. If my baby girl ever did like I did, am I supposed to be civil towards her? Like she's not even my kid anymore?” My throat gets even tighter. “Don't you want to be a part of her life? How can you do that if you are barely a part of mine? I don't know what else to say.”
She sniffs, but if she's crying, I don't feel bad about it. I need her to care. “I know, son, and I get it, I do. It was hard for us to see you go through that, but I think it was even harder to see you turn to them instead of us. Don't take it the wrong way, Neil. I was happy that you were healing, but I think we both sort of left the other behind. You see them every week and we're lucky to hear from you once a month if that. They've met her, haven't they?”
Seriously? She's jealous of the Lanier's? It bothers me and pisses me off at the same time. “They lost their daughter! They are like family to me and always have been. Of course I go see them. Not to mention Alice. I couldn't stop going when she was expecting to see me. I can't believe that's even something you're saying. Y'all were ready to abandon me when I told you she was pregnant. Don't act like this is all my fault. You were pissed and didn't want to help at all. Why wouldn't I turn to them, Mom? What did y'all do to even show support for Candace and me? You know what, fuck it. I'll come up with an excuse to get you out of it. Why don't you go ahead and cut me out of your lives completely and let me know what I need to do to own the house.”
“Neil?”
I look over my shoulder at hearing Audra's voice. The look on her face tells me she's heard more than a fair share. “I gotta go,” I interrupt my mom and hang up. Audra comes over and sits sideways in my lap, wrapping her arms tightly around neck. “Don't say anything, babe,” I whisper into her hair. “Don't say anything yet.” I let her comfort me, waiting to see exactly what she is going to say. My hand runs up her back, into her hair, and then I find myself hugging her back. “Thank you.”
“You're going to have to help me get up, you know. I hate to leave, but if I don't, I'll be late.”
“We don't want that,” I tell her, pulling away so I can kiss her. “We can talk later and I'll tell you the full story.” Audra nods, satisfied for now, and I help her stand. “Did you pack your things, so you can come to my place afterwards?”
“Yes, my bag is on the bed if you'll carry it over for me. Make sure you lock my doors and turn off all the lights and-”
“I know what to do, babe.”
She smiles and kisses my cheek. “Right. Sorry. I'll see you later then.”
Once she's gone, my shoulders sag as I sigh. I swear. My life seems to unravel even more in some areas and come closer together in others, and it's happening all at the same time. Instead of getting right to cleaning, I go crawl back into bed and sleep for a bit.
