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No point in lying to her. She already knows with her see-into-my-soul shit. If I felt like it, I would laugh. I had a bad day without leaving my apartment, without talking to anyone.
None of that was required.
Olivia: Want to do yoga?
Me: Nope.
Olivia: Video games?
Me: Nope.
Olivia: Want me to come over?
Me: Nope.
I’ll be damned if she doesn’t come anyway. She’s pissed, too. I ignore her presence by leaning my back against the counter and taking another bite of my pizza. Nope means nope. I’m not in the mood to deal with anything more than the basics I have to do to continue surviving. Olivia stands in front of me and folds her arms over her chest, pushing her breasts up a bit.
Her glare could kill me if I cared she was glaring. Somewhere deep down in the land of normal-people emotions I have stored in a vault I can’t open, I’m sure I do care. However, this Corey today doesn’t.
“What makes you think shutting me out will help? That locking yourself in your apartment for two days will help?” she snaps.
I take my time chewing my bite and even take another before I answer, which has her gripping her arms to contain her fury. “I don’t care.” Her eyes widen a bit and I clarify. “Today. I don’t care today. Or yesterday. Tomorrow is still up in the air.”
“We’re supposed to meet my uncle tomorrow,” Olivia curtly reminds me. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and then reveals a much calmer look. She takes a step forward, removes the pizza from my hand, and drops it on the counter behind me. She grabs my face, forcing me to look at her. “Think of all you’ve done so far, Corey. The little victories you’ve achieved. Don’t let them go to waste.”
Her words set me off without any warning. “Think positive? That’s what you’re telling me? Are you fucking kidding me, Olivia?” Her hands drop and I move away from her, my muscles coiled together too tightly. “If that worked, don’t you think I wouldn’t be taking pills twice a day or dealing with this shit at all?” I whirl around to see her drooping shoulders and unsure expression. “I don’t want to be this way. There’s no easy fix! If there’s a fix at all!
“Why would I choose to be negative all the time to the point where I’m depressed as hell and having to see a psychiatrist? Why would I put myself through this? I can’t think positive and make it all okay. Every damn day is a struggle, Olivia.”
The anger is back full force in her eyes. “You think I don’t know that! I watch you deal with it, Corey. I can see it just as good as you feel it. All I wanted to do was remind you, so you wouldn’t forget and get swamped in the negative. I wanted to remind you that you could do it.
“Don’t get pissed with me like I don’t know or understand. I’m the only one who’s been able to help you! That should show you something. I told you I’ve seen someone go through it before. Don’t yell at me and get mad with me! You’re right. There is no easy fix, and I know that better than anyone. But you won’t find it if you won’t let me help! You can’t expect me to let you push me away. I can’t push you if I’m not here!
“You have to care, Corey,” she continues, her angry stance falling away to something more vulnerable. “It’s the only thing saving you. If you don’t care enough…” Olivia’s voice shakes. Suddenly, she storms past me and runs out of my apartment.
Damn it. This is why she should have listened to me in the first place. Then we could have prevented this. No longer hungry, I sit on my couch and bounce my legs, thinking. What am I supposed to do? I’m antsy for ten minutes.
I know what I want to do, and that’s good enough.
Standing, I leave my apartment and walk across the hall. I knock, but she doesn’t answer. I try the knob, but it’s locked.
“Olivia,” I call. “Let me in.”
“No! Leave me alone!” she shouts. “I’ll see you tomorrow, so just leave me alone for tonight.” This time, her voice is closer. She has to be standing right on the other side. Sighing, I press my forehead against the doorframe. Do I do as she asked? It’s the easy and simple answer. I kind of want to do that, but I feel terrible for upsetting her too.
“C’mon, Olivia. Open the door,” I plead. “Do you really not want to see me that badly?” Have I messed up worse than I thought? My stomach clenches and my blood runs colder than the frigid air. What if she never talks to me again? What if she wants to give up on me? What if she’s tired of helping me? “Olivia,” I try again, my voice even lower with my dreadful thoughts. “Please. I’ve lost so much already. I don’t want to add you to the list.”
The faint click of the door unlocking has me standing upright. I hold back my relief even though she opens the door. Doesn’t mean she won’t say something and then slam it in my face. Her frown, sad eyes, and the way she has her arms hugging herself makes me wish I could take back yelling at her.
“You’re not going to lose me, Corey,” Olivia whispers.
I close the distance between us and hug my arms around her shoulders. She slips hers around my waist in return. “I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you,” she mumbles into my chest, so I can finally allow the relief to flood through me. “And I mean it. You won’t lose me.”
There’s only one thing I feel like I can say right now. “Can I stay?”
Olivia nods into my chest. I wait for her to release me before going to my apartment. After grabbing a few things, including the box of pizza, I go back over. The TV is paused like she was watching something before the mess happened. She’s sitting up on the couch and glances over when I come in.
