AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I scheduled it Monday.”
“You knew for an entire week and didn’t tell me?” Olivia pushes away from me and gets out of bed, standing with her hands on her hips as she glares at me. “What the hell, Corey? You—”
“Why the fuck are you pissed?” I yell, my temper getting the best of me. Fury floods my system. “You’ve been telling me over and over to go see one, and now that I have, you’re pissed? What’s there to be mad about? I did what you want. I made the appointment and went because of you.” I point my finger in her direction before getting out of bed myself. Fuck it. It’s too early for this. I’m going back to my apartment.
“I’m pissed because I’m hurt!” she shouts at my back as I walk away, but her words stop me in my tracks. Hurt? How did I hurt her? Slowly, I turn to face her, her arms loose by her sides now, the rage out of her system. When she speaks again, the pain is laced within every syllable. “Why didn’t you tell me? Were you ever planning on telling me or were you going to keep it a secret? If I’m the only person you’ll tell stuff to, then why couldn’t you tell me that?”
And the lightbulb over my head flashes on brightly, clicking everything into place. I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around her shoulders in a hug. Pressing my lips against her temple, I softly explain, “I wanted to see how it went first, whether or not I would like it and go back for a second time. You wanted me to go, said I would enjoy it, and I wanted to make sure first. I didn’t want to tell you and then I end up hating it and you being disappointed because of it.”
Finally, finally, she brings her arms around my waist. “Well, you better tell me next time, regardless. I want to know,” she mumbles into my chest.
“I go back next week.”
At this, she leans back to look at me. “Does that mean you liked it?”
I shrug. “Let’s talk about it later, I’m starving.”
Today definitely isn’t a good day. As we eat a bowl of cereal, all I can think about is going home and crawling into my own bed and lying there all day. Olivia miraculously manages to wait until we finish to start peppering me with questions. I bury my face in my hands, mumbling around them.
“I don’t feel like talking about this anymore.” I’d much rather hear her tell me random facts or more about her day or anything about her, rather than therapy.
“Too bad,” she retorts.
Lifting my head, I plead, “Olivia, please. Not today.” Between last night and our argument this morning, I’m worn out. It’s not even ten yet. I watch as she battles with whether to push me or leave me alone.
“I want to know how
it went,” she finally says, her voice calm with a hint of a beg mixed in. “I ended up having to schedule someone today for a tutoring session, so it’ll make me feel better to know before I go.”
Squeezing my eyes closed for a brief moment, I decide to give her what she wants. “She’s a hateful old woman who’s somewhere between you and Dr. Stewart on the pushing scale. When I tried to leave early, she blocked the exit, made me sit down, but she did the talking for a bit. It wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bad either. Feeling neutral about the whole thing at the moment. I see her once a week. Satisfied, or do you want every last detail?”
The corner of her lips are lifting as she replies. “No, that’s good. Those sessions are yours and yours alone. I don’t need to know what’s being said during them unless you want to tell me. I just wanted to know about it overall and how you were feeling about it. That’s it.”
My shoulders relax, making me realize I was tense. I’m glad she doesn’t want to know what we talk about because I talked about her. But then, wasn’t that one reason why she wanted me to go? So I could talk about her?
“Okay. I can tell you that.”
She walks around the counter and gives me a quick kiss. “Thanks. I gotta get ready, but do you want me to come over afterwards? I can pick up something to eat.”
I shake my head, wondering how badly I’m about to disappoint her. “No, don’t. I’ll see you tomorrow or Monday though.” If she’ll let me go two days without seeing her, that is. The urge to be alone for awhile is overwhelming me. Lately, I’ve been surrounded by people. Either at work, here with Olivia, or at the doctor appointments. I want to be able to go hours without speaking to someone. I need to decompress or check out of reality for a bit.
Olivia tries her damnest not to frown, her mouth only dipping a fraction. “Okay. Text me every so often though, please? A smiley face or a period or something. It doesn’t have to be any words.”
Can she not go two days without talking to me voluntarily? For some reason, she’s worried. Her watchful eyes on me say so.
“Will do,” I concede.
The smile she gives me isn’t a real one, but I don’t question it.
OLIVIA ACCEPTS MY text messages every few hours with a smiley face all day Saturday. It feels good to hang out in my quiet apartment, but on Sunday, I start to get antsy. I leave to hit up a fast-food drive-thru and park to eat my dinner. This is my opportunity to see what the fuss is with traffic watching.
I end up sitting there for an hour. There’s an appeal for sure. People talking on their phones, texting illegally, making hand gestures as they ramble to their passenger, or singing their hearts out. Some people look like they’re lost in their thoughts, eyes straight ahead with two hands on the steering wheel. Some people look like they haven’t eaten in days as they wolf down food with one hand and pick up their drink for a quick sip with the other. My mind gets wrapped up in these people until I finally go back home.
My eyes have now trained themselves to glance at Olivia’s door before I enter my apartment. She’s home, but I don’t know what she’s doing. I stay on path and go inside my own place. The football and I are still at battle, ignoring each other. I haven’t touched it and try not to look at it, still sitting on the opposite side of the couch.
The TV drowns out my thoughts until around ten as I mindlessly watch or flick my eyes over at the football, a bad habit I’ve picked up. I haven’t texted Olivia since lunch, so I do that.
Me: :)
