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Ms. Cynthia shakes her head. “You don’t have to do anything, Corey.”
She wants me to talk, though.
“Look, they were killed. They didn’t just die. Someone took their lives while my sister was there. I needed to be strong for her and for my brothers. I didn’t want to lean on someone. I didn’t want to cry. I wanted my fucking parents and neither of those things would bring them back. So, I didn’t lean on anyone. I didn’t cry. I was there for my siblings and I played football.
“I’m not sure what you want me to tell you. To this day, I don’t want to talk about them, I don’t want to see pictures of them, and I don’t want to think of them more than I have to. That kind of pain…” I shake my head. “It’s as potent as the day we buried them. It doesn’t go away, doesn’t lessen, and sure as hell doesn’t help to talk about it.” She should pat me on the back for staying calm through all of that. Although, my throat is sore and my eyes are watery from the tears threatening to fall. God, what is wrong with me?
Ms. Cynthia is quiet, thinking it over. “You never cried when you were younger?”
“No, I did a few times. I just tried not to. All my focus shifted to football and my emotions were channeled into that.”
She leans forward and surprises me by taking one of my hands, holding it between both of hers. “Listen to me, Corey.” Her voice is soft and gentle. “You avoid the topic of your parents because of the pain. I understand that. However, the more you avoid it, the more it hurts. I’m not saying it will go away, but it won’t be quite so difficult. The more you do it, the easier it will be. It’ll still hurt. It just won’t be suffocating. What are you doing for your birthday?”
Her change in subject distracts me for a moment as she releases my hand and leans back into her seat. “Going with my siblings to a hockey game,” I reply automatically.
“Is Olivia going?”
“I don’t know yet. I haven’t asked her.”
She nods. “I’m giving you a bit of a homework assignment. I want you to say one thing about your parents while you’re with your siblings. If they bring it up, then there’s your chance. If not, you need to bring them up. You have to start somewhere, Corey, and I think it needs to be with your siblings.”
I told my siblings I would try. Everyone says this will be good for me and that I need to do it. For those reasons, I nod and promise I will.
“I’M NOT GOING,” Olivia firmly repeats for the third time. “If Ms. Cynthia wants you to talk about your parents with your siblings, then I don’t want to be there, Corey. It would feel like I’m intruding on a personal, family moment. You don’t need me with you, so I’m staying here.”
I do need her with me. She’ll keep me calm and give me the support I need to complete the “homework” I was given. “Olivia,” I begin. “It’s my birthday. Are you really going to turn me down?”
“Yes,” she replies simply, causing me to groan. She climbs into my lap and straddles me, wrapping her arms around my neck. “You can have me all day Sunday for your birthday, but I’m not going to the hockey game.”
“There’s nothing I can do or say to make you change your mind?” I ask in one last attempt, resting my hands on her thighs.
Olivia gives me a sexy smile. “Nope. You can still try, though.”
It sucks that I most likely won’t take her up on the offer. My mind is too busy wondering how much harder it will be without Olivia by my side.
“Hey.” She must have noticed because her voice is soft. “You can do this. You don’t need to worry so much. It’s only your siblings who love you and loved your parents just as much. You’re strong, Corey. You can do it.”
“I love you,” I tell her in a low voice. “I’m grateful to have you. More than you could ever know.”
She smiles. “I think I have an idea.” Olivia leans forward until her lips are a breath away from mine. “I love you too.” She presses her lips to mine and allows me to get lost in her, to forget about my troubles, and savor the girl before me.
“I SHOULD HAVE invited Grant,” Lucy sighs. We’re in the first intermission at the hockey game and the only one who even knows a little about hockey is Lucy, which doesn’t mean anything to us because she can’t explain it to us in sports terms. “He could tell you what was happening. Sorry.”
“It’s okay, Luce. I have some basic knowledge already.” I have to say, attending a game in person has nothing on watching it on TV. I can see why Lucy loves it so much, even if her love is biased because of Grant. She seems to have a special liking for all goalies especially. I’m sitting on the end, so I look down at all my siblings. “How are your classes going?”
“Good,” they all reply.
“I’m so ready to be done,” Jon adds. “I already have another job lined up and I’m moving out.”
At this, Lucy and Patrick turn to look at him with surprise. He texted me last week, telling me of his plans, but I hear it again as he tells them.
“I want to move in with Gina,” his girlfriend, “so that’s what I’m going to do. I’m sure Jamal would move in if you asked him, Patrick. He could help cover rent.”
“What job?” Lucy questions. He tells her before hesitating as he adds where it is. “That’s over two hours away, isn’t it?” She frowns.
Patrick wraps an arm around her shoulders. “Hey, you’ll still have me, and Corey is sort of close.”
“Right. I’m proud of you, Jon.”
