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“I don’t want to be alone.”
Her words stopped me in my tracks. There was a double meaning to that simple statement. I knew it, but needed to choose which path to take. “You don’t have to be. You just have to stop pushing me away,” I answered, choosing to take what could be the more dangerous route.
My reply was met with silence. I let out a heavy sigh, ready to head downstairs, but Calida got off the bed, coming to stand in front of me.
“I’m a mess, Malcolm. I thought I was doing better, but…I’m a mess.”
She wrapped her arms around my waist, buried her face in my chest, and started crying. The shorts dropped from my hands, and I closed my arms around her. I held her, while her tears ran down my naked torso.
“I…I…I’ve been so hurt…and you…you…I…I just don’t know. You…you keep saying you love me, bu…but I don’t know. I…I’m scared.”
The anguish in her words was like a knife in my heart. Each tearful stutter sliced through me. I held her, wishing there was a way I could absorb her pain. To free her from all of it. I couldn’t. I’d been a fool to belie
ve I had enough love for the both of us to heal her broken heart. That if I’d loved her enough, she’d see she wasn’t the shell of a woman she thought she was.
She looked up at me. I wiped the tears from her cheeks only to have new ones take their place. “I do love you, Calida. Without a doubt.”
She closed her eyes, fresh tears spilled free. I watched the rise and fall of her chest as she took deep audible breaths. Her arms fell from my waist, and although I didn’t want to let her go, I released my hold on her.
She opened her eyes and looked at me. Her hand came up to cup my face, and I leaned into her touch. Stretching up on her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. I was shocked by her actions, but my body quickly responded to hers. I put my hands on her hips, bringing her body closer to me. My tongue slipped into the warm comfort of her mouth.
Her hands closed around my hair, and she moaned as her tongue wrestled with mine. My dick grew hard, restricted painfully by the jeans I wore. Cupping her ass, I rubbed her body against my erection. Having her close to me like this drove me crazy and I feared I’d come in my pants at any minute.
Holy Shit!
I pulled away, disentangled her arms from around my neck, and took a step back. What the hell was I doing?
Her eyes were wide, and she brought her hand to her lips.
I took another step back. “Shit! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done any of that.”
She wrapped her arms protectively around herself. Watching her do that gutted me. I diverted my eyes to the shorts I’d dropped.
I reached down to grab them. “Try to get some sleep.” I turned to leave, fully expecting her to lock the door afterward.
“You don’t want me now.”
I stopped, unsure if I’d heard her correctly.
I turned back to face her. “What?”
“You...you wouldn’t look at me that next day. And...and now I’m here, and you can’t get away from me fast enough.”
“What! No! That’s...that’s not—”
“That is exactly it!” she yelled. “It’s why you couldn’t look at me that morning, Malcolm. It’s why you can’t look at me now. Admit it. Now that you know, you see me differently.” She covered her face and turned away. “Why did I come here? What was I thinking?”
Turning back around, she headed toward the door without looking at me. I stepped in front of it, blocking her escape route. Surprise flashed across her face, but it was quickly replaced with a look of fear. We needed to get through this. I couldn’t keep letting her run away.
“Move, Malcolm.” There was a tremor in her voice when she spoke that made me second guess my plan of action.
“No. Not until you hear me out.”
She stepped back. I hated that she was scared of me for any reason, but I needed to talk to her. She needed to know that what she thought was wrong.
“I want you. Lord knows I want you in the worst way. Don’t ever doubt that.”
I paused. Separation needed to be between that statement and what needed to come next. “You were raped, Calida. Hearing you talk about what he did, seeing you that night…” I stopped and took a breath.
