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"Do you have a nice house?" Misty asked.
"It's okay, but it's nothing like this. We've got a good size backyard: The property's walled-in with oleander bushes growing up the walls to give us lots of privacy. My mother's always planting something that will close it in more. Mostly it's just grass and a couple of grapefruit and lemon trees. My father used to talk about building a pool. My mother would ask, 'What for?' and he would look at her as if he was giving it lots of thought and then say, `To swim in.'
"'It's too much work,' my mother muttered, 'and with your schedule, who's going to do it?'
"He said he would hire someone just like everyone else he knew who had a pool, but the discussion usually ended with that and nothing was ever done.
"I used to think if we had a pool, I could invite some girls over, but then I thought, what kind of bathing suit would my mother approve? Certainly not a bikini, and who would I invite anyway and suppose I found some girls who would come and they wore bikinis Mother would ask them to leave."
"Well, if you invited friends over now, you could hang out in your bedroom, right?" Misty asked, and I wondered if she would ever want to visit.
"I suppose. You all would probably think my room was too plain. I don't have any posters or pictures up. It's probably not as big as yours or Jade's, but at least it has two big windows that face east so I get the morning sunlight. I have a pinkish gray rug and a double bed with a mahogany headboard and two posts at the foot of the bed. Beside the mirror and dresser, I have my desk, another dresser and bookshelves built into the wall. I don't have a television set or a phone in the room. My mother would never permit either. She says they're both bad influences on young people."
"It sounds like you're trapped in a cage," Jade muttered.
"Oh, our house isn't that small. We have a good size living room with a fireplace and large panel windows that face the west so there's lots of afternoon sunshine. Mother hung thick drapes to block it out when she wants to. The kitchen is big. My mother likes to cook and bake. I wouldn't call her a gourmet cook like you have, Jade, but she's good at making traditional meals and pies. That was one thing my father always complimented, her food. He was a meat and potatoes man."
"So he married her for her cooking and money, is that it?" Jade asked dryly.
"Didn't they fall in love first?" Misty followed quickly.
"I never actually came out and asked either of them when or how they fell in love. I guess I never felt they had and the little I did learn about their past convinced me I was right. They didn't date and have a romance like your parents or Jade's. My mother's father actually met my father first. He started to invest with him He either mentioned my mother or introduced him to her one day and that was how they got to know each other.
"My mother didn't have a job and never went to college. When I asked her why not once, she told me there wasn't anything she wanted to be. She was an okay student, but not very ambitious, I guess I think it upset my grandfather. From the little my mother has told me, I don't think they had a good relationship because he was so critical of her, telling her she would be a spinster and amount to nothing if she remained at home, just helping her mother with the housework and the meals.
"Sometimes;-I got the feeling she got married to stop my grandfather's criticism. It wasn't exactly an arranged marriage, but my grandfather seems to have had a lot to do with it. She keeps her wedding album practically hidden away on a shelf in the living room. I used to look at it occasionally. She doesn't look bright and happy in her wedding pictures; it's more like she's going through the motions, doing something that has to be done, but something without passion and excitement. It doesn't look like a special day for her.
"It would have to be something very special for me," I said. "I mean, you should just glow in your wedding pictures, don't you think? The photographer shouldn't even need flashbulbs because your face is so lit up, right? I'd love to be fulfilled and loved by someone who made me so happy I glowed."
Misty laughed. Jade smiled and shook her head, and Star raised her eyebrows and nodded.
"No," I continued considering their questions more, "I don't think my parents ever felt that way about each other or had time for love, not the way you talked about your own parents and their romances," I told them. "When I asked my mother where they went on their honeymoon, she told me they just went straight home.
"'There was plenty to do to set it up,' she said, 'and there was no point in wasting money on some overpriced vacation where they charge you twice the price for everything you can get at home.' "
"If she thinks like that, she'll never go anywhere," Jade said.
"She doesn't. Don't you remember what Cat told us about taking trips?" Star pointed out.
"Have you lived in the same house all your life?" Misty asked.
"Yes. My mother is not one who likes change, even small changes like wallpaper or rugs, much less a move to another house. Lots of times now, I wish we would move. The house seems stained with bad memories for me, and as long as we're there, I can't help but imagine my father is still there."
"Did you ever ask her why they adopted you?" Jade asked. "I know you told us that you didn't think they had sex much, if at all after your mother lost the baby, but it still doesn't explain why they would adopt you, or anyone for that matter."
"No. Like I told you, my adoption was something I discovered just recently, after . . . after other stuff happened. It's hard for my mother to talk about it right now."
"Hard for her to talk about it?" Jade cried with indignation. "They always act like they're the ones who are suffering, like we can endure the pain because we're young. Nothing scars us; nothing really hurts us. We'll outgrow it, even betrayals and broken promises. Hard for her? Your mother hasn't got a right to be more upset than you. Don't let her get away with it," she advised. "Ask her anything you want and insist on an answer. You deserve it."
"Yeah, if she refuses to tell you what you want, threaten to wear lipstick and eye shadow," Star suggested.
Misty laughed and I smiled, and we were all laughing when Doctor Marlowe returned. She looked very pleased.
"Well, I hope you all are hungry. As usual, Emma has gone overboard with lunch."
They all looked at me to see what I wanted and what I would say.
"I guess I am hungry," I said.
