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Anyway, I thought, I'll need my strength if I'm to go on with my story.
Lunch was truly a break for us I think they needed it as much as I did. We talked about
everything but our home life and our parents and the things that had brought us here in the first place. However, I wasn't anywhere as up-to-date as any of them when it came to movies and music.
"I don't know how you listen to that hip-hop," Jade told Star. "It's so monotonous."
"It is not. You haven't given it a chance. That's why you say that. Who do you like?"
"I like Barry Manilow," Misty admitted. "I do," she insisted, "and I've even been to three of his concerts."
"What about you, Cat?" Jade asked me.
"I guess I like everything or whatever I get to hear, that is. My mother hates me listening to any music too long. She thinks it hurts my schoolwork."
"Get earphones and she won't even know when you're listening," Star suggested.
Doctor Marlowe sat off to the right eating and listening to us without comment. I wondered if the others ever got the feeling we were all under some giant microscope, all being observed and studied. Maybe someday we would get together somewhere else, without therapists or parents, and be free to talk about all this, free to talk without anyone looking at us and studying us.
Or maybe when today ended, we wouldn't see each other ever again. Maybe just the sight of one of us would bring back all the bad memories and they would look for ways to avoid the rest of us, especially me, I thought, especially after I'm finished with my whole story.
I almost didn't feel like going on when lunch was over and we returned to the office. Why not leave it at this? I wondered. I had already gone further than I had expected. Wasn't Doctor Marlowe satisfied?
One look at her face told me no, told me she wanted me to tell them the worst, if not today, than maybe tomorrow, and if I didn't, it would fester and irritate inside me, just as I had told them it would.
They waited for me to begin again. I sucked in my breath and started.
"When I was in the tenth grade, my school sent a letter home with every high school student announcing that the school was sponsoring an annual dance with an all-boys parochial school. The dance was described in detail, when it would start, what food would be served, what we were permitted to wear and not wear, and how well it was going to be chaperoned by the sisters. There was some statement about the importance of healthy, clean social activities and how the dance was an important learning experience for young people. This way we would have something decent to measure the wrong sort of activities against. Parents were actually encouraged to permit their daughters to attend.
"My mother wasn't happy about it, but she was trapped by the fact that the school she admired was promoting it. I recall my father finally offering a firm opinion about something involving me.
"'The way this is described,' he pointed out after dinner one night, 'it will actually be another learning experience. I should think you'd want her to be in a controlled, healthy environment for something like this, Geraldine.'
"My mother pressed her upper lip over her lower and stared at the schooldance announcement as if it were a warrant for my arrest rather than a social affair.
"'She'll need a new dress,' she said in a discouraging tone of voice.
"'So? Get her a new
dress,' my father said.
"I sat there practically holding my breath. He winked at me and I felt wonderful. My heart was in a pitter- patter just anticipating the preparations.
"'The styles these days are so . . . awful. It's hard to get anything decent,' my mother complained.
"'I'm sure you can find something, somewhere, Geraldine,' he told her, refusing to give in like he usually did. He could see how important this was to me and he was playing my knight in shining armor.
"My mother looked at the announcement again and then at me. I could see she was relenting.
"'I suppose you'll want to wear lipstick, won't you?' she asked me.
"'All the girls her age do,' my father said quickly. 'On occasion, there's nothing wrong with it, Geraldine. As long as she doesn't overdo it,' he added.
"I couldn't believe how firmly he was coming to my aid, speaking up for me.
"'Girls get into trouble so easily these days,' my mother muttered. 'One small thing leads to another Rod then a bigger thing and before you know it, they're pregnant.'
"'Oh, I suppose you and I can make sure that something like that doesn't happen to our special little girl,' he said glancing and smiling at me again. When he said, 'special little girl,' my heart skipped a beat and I think I even blushed.
