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"He changed his posture and his whole demeanor again and then turned back to me with that eerie smile.
"'Cathy,' he said. 'I knew you would do it. I knew you would come. I knew you liked me just as much as I like you. Maybe it's even more than that. Like is for kids and we're not kids anymore.
"'It was so crowded and noisy in there anyway, wasn't it? This is better. C'mon. No one will see us in my car,' he added and pulled me toward his bed.
"He pretended to open a car door and slide in.
" `Backseat has more room,' he told me as he sat on his bed. 'C'mon, get in.' He beckoned and reached for me and I sat on his bed, too.
"'Close the door, silly,' he said.
" 'What?'
"'The car door, Cathy. Close it.'
"'Oh,' I said and even though I felt a little foolish doing it, I pretended to reach out and pull the door closed.
"'Would you like a cigarette?' he asked me.
"'A cigarette? No, I don't smoke,' I said. "He smiled.
"'That's good,' he said. 'We wouldn't want anything bad to happen to those beautiful lungs of yours, would we? Relax,' he said putting his arm around me and pulling me a little closer to him. 'We don't have those frustrated penguins staring at us now, making us feel like we're doing something dirty.'
"It was so strange to hear Daddy talk like this, but when I looked at him, his face was so different: the way his lips turned up in a strange smile, the glint in his eyes, everything made him look like someone else. Someone scary.
"'You're very pretty,' he told me. 'You've been keeping it a good secret, but I always thought there was a pretty girl hiding in there,' he said. 'The other girls are so stuck-up and stupid, but you're not. You're a real girl, Cathy, the kind of girl I could like a lot. I mean that. I really do.'
"I admit I loved hearing Daddy say these things. They were words I had dreamed being said to me many times. It was as if Daddy had gotten into my head and listened some nights and overheard that inner voice he spoke of before, the voice that told me I'd do anything just to be loved.
"Suddenly, he kissed me on the neck. It was such an unexpected kiss; I felt weak and anxious at the same time.
"'You're delicious,' he continued, nibbling on my ear. 'Just as delicious as I had imagined '
"While he did this, I didn't realize his hand had slipped off my shoulder. Suddenly, I felt the zipper moving down as he kissed me on the neck and then the side of my face, moving over my cheeks. I think I actually got numb all over.
"He got the zipper almost all the way to my waist and then began to slip the straps off my shoulders, nudging my dress along with them. Everything he did surprised me and the shock of it all paralyzed me.
'You like me too,' he said. 'Tell me you like me too. C'mon say it. Say it, Cathy,' he chanted.
"I did. I couldn't help doing everything or anything he asked. Was this what really would happen? I wondered.
"He didn't take my new dress all the way down to my waist. As soon as he had it away from my breasts, he turned me to him and kissed me full on the lips. My eyes popped open. His fingers had
unfastened my bra and seconds later, he leaned on me until I fell back on the bed. I could barely breathe. I wanted him to stop--it was so embarrassing.
"I think I made some sort of noise of protest and suddenly, he pulled back, sat up and stared down at me. His face and his neck were all red. He looked like he was having difficulty catching his breath.
"'Okay,' he finally said, back to his daddy voice. 'Let's stop and review everything. What just happened to you?'
"'I don't know,' I cried. 'It happened so fast!'
"'Exactly. That's how boys work. They don't ask permission for each and every touch and kiss. One thing follows another until here you are half naked and onto the next step,' he said.
"'There's more?'
"'Yes, much more,' he rattled. He ran his hands through his hair and looked at my mother's bed for a moment. 'Okay,' he said without turning back to me. 'Dress yourself quickly and we'll go over this. The whole point is for you to learn and be prepared.'
"I did what he said and waited. After another long moment, during which his face returned to a more natural shade, he turned back to me.
