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"'What mistakes did you make?' he asked.
"'I don't know,' I said.
"'You don't know? How can you not know?'
"'It all happened so fast, Daddy, and I didn't know what you wanted me to do,' I moaned at his angry expression.
"'All right, all right,' he said calmly. 'First, you got into the car too eagerly. Any boy who saw that would expect you would be cooperative; otherwise, why get into the car?'
"'To talk, I thought.'
"'Boys don't really want to talk. Maybe a little afterward, but not at this point. Talk is just a kind of bait to get you to come out to the car. You can come out and you can get into the car, but you should set the rules quickly. As soon as you got into the car and I kissed you, you should make it clear you'll go no farther,' he explained. 'You didn't even put your hand on mine to get me to hesitate or stop. Any boy who saw you behave that way would think he could go faster and farther.
"'Now,' he continued, 'you have to decide how far you can go without losing control, understand?'
"I nodded.
"'Good,' he said standing. 'Good.' He glanced quickly at the clock. 'That's all we have time for today. Your mother should be coming home any moment. You better take off the dress and put it back into the box. I'll keep it in the trunk of my car,' he told me.
"We both knew my mother might find it no matter where I tried to hide it.
"I returned to my room and did what he asked Then he took the box and went out to his car. It was hidden away before my mother returned.
"I felt terribly confused and upset and guilty about everything that had happened, but I knew if she found out what my father was doing for me. . . and to me, there would be hell to pay in my family. Some lies, as you said before, Misty, are necessary," I added and sat back.
Once again, they were all just staring at me. Jade was the first to fill the silence.
"You didn't know you were an adopted child then, so you still thought he was your real father, right?" she asked.
"Yes, that's right."
"Well, didn't you think it was . ."
"Disgusting?" Star offered.
"Yeah, disgusting," Jade seconded.
"No, not right away," I said. "I didn't know what to think. When he was touching me it made me scared and upset. Bu
t I thought he was very nice to want to help me, to care about things like my dress and do what other girls' mothers might do for them. And, the things he was telling me about boys was very helpful. My mother would never talk about these sort of feelings. I told you how she reacted to the Barbie doll. It made her sick to even have sex suggested to her.
"Afterward, I told myself that Daddy didn't want anything terrible to happen to me and yet he still wanted me to be a normal girl and have fun like other girls my age, something my mother didn't seem to want.
"No, I didn't hate him then. Not then," I practically whispered as my eyes filled with tears.
"Okay, Cathy," Doctor Marlowe said softly. "It's okay. You and I knew this might be their reaction in the beginning, right? Cathy?"
I turned to her and glared. For a moment I was very angry at her for bringing me here and getting me to tell all these things. Slowly, I felt my blood cool down.
"Cathy?" she said.
"I'm okay," I snapped back at her. I stared down at the floor. "I just thought he didn't want me to become a bad girl," I muttered.
"Why wouldn't she think that?" Misty piped up. "He was always very nice to her and he tried to buy her nice things. He seemed to care more about her than her mother does."
"I'm sorry," Jade said. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad or guilty or anything. I'm sorry?'
"Me too," Star said. "It isn't your fault you're here. That's for sure."
