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Drake and I took a brief tour of the house. He was enchanted by the murals in the drawing room, and even more impressed by the size of the house. "Is this a castle, Heaven?" he asked. "Am I going to be a prince now?" His eyes were wide with wonder.
"Yes, darling," I said, hugging him close to me. "You will be the prince of the castle and have everything your heart desires."
I had the room right next to our suite prepared for him and Logan brought him some of the sample toys that were in the house. Drake was exhausted from the day and the travel, and he fell asleep right after he had some dinner.
After I tucked him into his bed, I stood and stared down at him. He was so sweet, so beautiful and innocent. I promised myself to be a real mother to him, never to make him feel foreign or unwanted. Yes, I could try to undo the past. I could prove with my love that anger and bitterness and resentment could be put to rest once and for all. I would love him enough to undo all the pain and misery I had suffered by hating Luke.
Fanny was right--we were all orphans of a sort, but I would make us a family. The baby growing in me would be as much a brother or sister to him as any baby Stacie would have had. And I would love Drake in a way Luke had never been able to love me.
I tucked the blanket under his chin, knelt down and kissed his soft cheek, and left him Logan was just hanging up the phone in the bedroom when I arrived.
"Heaven," he said, his face a picture of frustration, "I hate to do this to you so quickly, but I've got to get back to Winnerow tomorrow. The roofers walked off the job over a dispute with my foreman Everything's at a standstill there. As soon as I settle it--"
"Don't worry, Logan. You go in the morning. I'll be busy getting to know Drake and letting him get to know me and Farthy. And I want to be here when Tony gets back. We have some things to discuss," I said. Logan heard the determined tone running under my words.
"I'm sure that he has good explanations and that everything he did and has done he did for good reasons, Heaven. Tony cares for you. He wouldn't do anything to upset you, especially now that you're pregnant."
"I hope not," I said, but of course, there was much Logan didn't know about my past at
Farthinggale. His optimism was understandable.
Logan slept the sleep of the innocent that night, while I tossed and turned, turned and tossed, my mind assailed by secrets and shadows. I lay there wondering and thinking. How odd life was. How like my own life Drake's would become. And how like mine would my own child's be, a child who might never know who his or her real father was? My mind churned on, trying to unravel the cat's cradle that was my life. So many of the knots were centered around Tony--Tony, who had raped my mother, who had caused Jillian to go mad, who had made my love with Troy
impossible, and now, it appeared, had tried to run Luke's life as he tried to run mine. Why? As far as I knew, the only time Luke had any contact with Tony was when he called him to tell him he had bought me plane tickets to go to Boston to see him and Jillian and learn about my mother. Tony rarely mentioned Luke after that. Why would he? They came from worlds so far apart they might as well have been on different planets. -
Yet the telegram announcing Luke and Stacie's death came to Tony, and it was Tony who had made all these arrangements. Why did Tony buy Luke the circus and never tell me he had done so?
It was no use; I would never sleep tonight, I thought. I looked over at Logan. He was dead to the world, tired himself from the travel and the ordeal. His breathing was deep and regular. I got out of bed and slipped into my robe and slippers, moving quietly into the dimly lit corridor. First I checked on Drake and found him in a deep sleep. I fixed his blanket, which he had pushed away during some tossing and turning, and then I left him. But instead of returning to my bedroom, I went downstairs.
How quiet the house was. How still were the shadows in the corners. My own shadow, ten times my size, followed me along the walls like a dark hovering angel as I descended the stairs and paused to reconsider what I was about to do. I had never had the interest or the curiosity before, but tonight . . . tonight I needed answers.
I went directly to Tony's office and turned on the light. The big desk was cluttered with papers. I knew how much Tony hated anyone to go through his things. He even hated the maids cleaning. The office always had a dusty, unkempt appearance, but Tony valued his privacy and his own system of recording and finding things so much, he hated any interference.
My gaze fell on the file cabinets. I was glad that he kept things alphabetized. At first I searched and found nothing. I was looking under the C's for Casteel. Confused and frustrated, I stood there thinking Then I pulled out the files under the H's, looking for one labeled HEAVEN. My heart sent an electric shock through my veins instead of blood when I found it.
I sat down at his desk and looked through it. At first all I found were papers concerning my schooling. But then I found a simple document, a document that made me colder than the most icy wind shaking through the cracks in the cabin floor and walls in the Willies.
It was a letter of agreement between Anthony Townsend Tatterton and Luke Casteel, turning the Windenbarron circus over to Luke for the simple consideration of one dollar plus the following stipulation:
". . that he never again make contact in any way, form, or manner with Heaven Leigh Casteel." The agreement being that he would forfeit his ownership of the circus, should he do so.
I sat back, too stunned to rage or cry or scream. Too stunned to know how to react. I understood only one thing.
Once again Luke had sold me
THIRTEEN The Sins of My Father
SOON AFTER DAWN'S FIRST LIGHT I WAS AWAKENED BY THE pitter-pat of small feet. I opened my eyes and spotted Drake in the doorway, tousle-haired from sleep, shyly star
ing at me. I had left the door open so I could hear him should he awaken during the night and cry out for his mother or father. I smiled and sat up. Logan woke up
immediately, too.
"Good morning, Drake," I said. "Hungry for breakfast?"
He continued to stare at me, his eyes blinking rapidly.
"Morning, Drake," Logan said, getting out of bed quickly. "I'm hungry. I know that."
