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"I want to look inside! I don't believe you! I don't believe you! I know my daddy's in there!" he shouted, trying to wrench himself free. "Let me go! I want my daddy!"
He ran up to the coffin. But then he suddenly stopped. He put his tiny little ear against the wood and knocked. "Are you in there, Daddy?"
I tried to run up to him and hold him and protect him, but the bearded lady gently took my elbow. "Please," she said kindly, "I think I can handle him. Drake and I have always been very good friends."
Drake hugged the bearded lady. "Auntie Martha, Auntie Martha! Is my daddy in there?"
"My precious, darling Drake. Your daddy is in Heaven; it is only his shell in there. But don't worry, darling, Heaven is just like a wonderful circus. The biggest circus your daddy and mommy ever saw. They will be very happy there. But most important, they want you to be happy here on earth. They want you to go to school, and do well, and stay healthy, and when you grow up, you can be a ringmaster just like your daddy was." She began to cry.
"I want to be a ringmaster," Drake said. "And a lion tamer, too."
"Now I want you to go back and sit down with your sister. She loves you very, very much."
Then the bearded lady swept little Drake into her arms and kissed him good-bye.
"Pm going to be a lion tamer," Drake told me proudly.
"Of course you are, darling, you're going to be everything you want to be, and I'm going to help you," I assured him. "Now, Drake," I said, as I led him away from the casket, "let's sit down and listen to the service, okay?"
He nodded bravely, clutching my hand so hard he seemed to be afraid I, too, would disappear. As we walked back to the pew, I saw that Drake was comforted by the sight of all the familiar faces. As I scanned the congregation, I was surprised Fanny and Randall hadn't yet arrived. But my mind didn't linger on her. We sat down and Logan put his arm around me. I couldn't help but stare at the casket and think about Luke.
The organ music began. Then I heard a commotion at the door and turned around to look. Fanny and Randall were hurrying up the aisle. Fanny was wearing the same black cocktail dress she had worn yesterday and her face was just as heavily made up. As she slid into the pew beside us, she suddenly caught sight of the casket. She grabbed my hand as the tears began to spill down her cheeks, her heavy eye makeup turning her tears into muddy black and blue streams. At that moment I almost felt close to this sister of mine who seemed always to want to hurt me.
The minister appeared. He delivered a fine eulogy for someone who hadn't really known Luke and Stacie. Obviously, Mr. S
teine had provided him with some biographical material. The minister talked about Luke's desire to provide entertainment and pleasure for people. He said that some people believed life, itself, was like a circus, and that God was like the ringmaster. He said that Luke had a finer performance awaiting him in Heaven, that God had called him to a greater responsibility. I was glad he had used the expression "God had called him." Little Drake, who stared at the closed coffins before him, looked up with widened eyes when the minister said those words. He remembered what I had told him.
Then the minister talked about Stacie, who had been a good mother and a good wife, and how Luke's and her love for each other must have been so strong, God decided to take them at the same time so they could be together.
Fanny began really sobbing, wailing loud enough so everyone in the church could hear. Randall comforted her, hoping to get her to lower her voice, I thought. For one moment, before the minister finished, Fanny and I looked at each other, and I saw my own sincere pain and sorrow reflected in her eyes. Luke had often shown her affection when she was younger, and Fanny hadn't seen very much of real affection in her life. She was suffering a real loss in Luke's death.
The caskets were carried out of the church and brought to their plots in the cemetery. A monument stone had already been cut and engraved. Casteel was written on top and their Christian names below with their birth dates and the date of their death. Under that it simply read, "Rest in Peace." After the final words were said and the caskets lowered, the mourners began to depart.
Out in front of the church Fanny scooped Drake into her arms again, tears streaming down her face.
"Oh, Drake, honey, yer like an orphan now, yer like us." She showered his face with kisses. He didn't resist; he was numbed and overwhelmed by the service and the sight of the coffins. I thought she was overdoing it, however, and pulled him out of her arms.
"He's not an orphan," I said, my face aflame with anger. "He's going to have a home and a family."
Fanny stepped back, stung by the cold tone in my voice. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with Randall's handkerchief and glared at me.
"He should be in the Willies," she said. "With his daddy's kind."
"That will never be," I stated, something proud and strong as steel springing into my spine. "Luke left the Willies to make himself a better life, and he would want the same for his son."
"Come, Fanny," Randall said softly. Some of the mourners from the circus had stopped to watch us. "This isn't the place to hold such a discussion."
Fanny looked around for a moment and then smiled.
"Yer right," she said. "Good-bye fer now, Heaven Leigh. Bye, Drake, honey." She threw him a kiss and then pivoted on her heels and sauntered off with Randall.
We drove directly to the airport. Drake was like a rag doll in my lap all the way, sitting limply, quietly, his head against my breast. When we arrived at the airport, however, the excitement surrounding the airplanes and the business of travel revived him. He had some lunch and we boarded our plane. I placed him at the window and he became very animated. "Are we up above the birds?" he asked. "Will we land on the moon?" Logan explained to Drake all about how airplanes flew, how the clouds prevented us from seeing the ground when we flew above them, why the plane didn't disappear in the clouds Drake was so excited with this new adventure, his face so animated, I felt sure we were going to be able to make him happy in his new family. Logan was going to make a wonderful father. Already he had accepted Drake as his own.
Soon both Logan and Drake fell asleep, Drake's sweet dark head resting on Logan's lap. How peaceful they seemed. I wished I could feel so peaceful, but my mind was abuzz with anxiety. I wanted to know why Tony had given the circus to Luke, why Luke had that clipping of my wedding from the newspaper in his drawer. I wanted to start my new life with Drake and Logan and our new baby clear from the sticky webs of the past, and I was determined to force Tony to clear away every one of them.
Tony was not at Farthy when we arrived. Curtis said he had been called away on business and wouldn't be back until late the following afternoon.
There were all sorts of phone messages waiting for Logan, and he went right to work calling people after we got settled-in.
