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I was determined not to make the same mistake with Drake. I would buy him nice things, but not stuffy clothes that would single him out and isolate him from other children his age. I wasn't about to make him over into something he was not, something Tony had attempted to do with me. I looked to see what Drake liked, what caught his fancy, too. I bought him some dress clothes, but a lot of clothes to play in--jeans, flannel shirts, sneakers.
Miles followed along in the limo and took the packages from my hands as I emerged from store after store. Finally both Drake and I were exhausted from our shopping. We got into the limo and headed back to Farthy. The servants helped bring our packages up to Drake's room, but I dismissed the maids and put things away myself. I wanted Drake to feel my strong bond with him and everything that involved him. He sat on the rug playing with his cars and trucks as I organized his wardrobe. Every once in a while I caught him looking up and staring at me.
I could see he wasn't quite sure yet how to take me, or what to consider me. Was I a stepmother, a half sister, a nanny? He had grown more comfortable with me, but he was still holding back, rationing his words, his laughter, even his tears. I knew it would take time and it was sim
ply a matter of trust, and I, as well as anyone, knew what it was like to start over with a new family and a new home.
He talked a let- more at dinner, telling me about the times he had gone with Luke to the circus, telling me about the animals and the acrobats. "Heaven, there was this woman who knew how to hang by her hair and spin around and around, and sometimes Daddy let me feed the elephants. My favorite, my always favorite was when Daddy let me wear my own clown suit and special clown nose and hair and I got to ride on the top hump of the camel. His name was Ishtar, isn't that a funny name, Heaven?"
He wondered when he would be able to go back to the circus, and I told him that someday soon, I would take him to a circus, maybe even a bigger circus. Talking about the circus reminded him of Luke, though, and of Stacie, and very soon he became melancholy. Rye Whiskey rescued the moment once again when he appeared with a three-layer chocolate cake with a clown face made out of strawberries on top.
"Wow, what's that!" Drake asked, excitement enlivening his features.
"This cake is called a Drake cake." Rye Whiskey smiled. "Tell me if you like it." With that he set the cake before Drake. "Can I have the piece with the nose?" Drake asked.
"Of course, young man," Rye Whiskey said, pretending to steal Drake's nose, putting his thumb between his fingers as he chuckled. "Since I've got yours, you can have the cake's."
Shortly afterward I took Drake up to his room and washed and dressed him for bed. He had had another big day. I let him play a while longer, until he grew groggy. Then I tucked him in under his soft blanket, kissed him on the cheek, and left him to sleep his second night at Farthy.
I went down to the living room, planning to lie in wait for Tony and confront him the moment he returned. The world outside the Farthinggale world seemed to anticipate my anger and accusations. The sky was dismally dark and overcast, with flashes of furious lightning flaming through the sky. No stars dared show themselves on this night. Then the rains came, heavy and hard, sounding cold, like tears of ice.
Suddenly I heard the sound of tires whooshing through puddles, a door slammed outside, then the front door opened. I heard Curtis bid Tony good evening. Then I heard him giving Tony all his messages and recounting all that had happened while he was gone. Tony wandered into the living room, as he always did, and smiled when he saw me.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you and Logan returned," he said, coming to me. "Was it a very trying time?"
"Yes," I said sharply. "For more reasons than one. There was surprise as well as sadness, mystery, and confusion."
"Where's Logan?" he asked, as if looking for an ally at this moment.
"He was called back to Winnerow over a labor crisis at the factory. Perhaps we should go into your office and talk, Tony," I said quickly. He stared at me a moment, his blue eyes narrowing now with suspicion and some understanding.
"I was just heading there," he said. He gestured for me to lead the way and I did so, snapping on the light and going right to his desk. I sat down quickly in the leather chair in front of it and waited for him to go around his desk. He dropped some papers on it and then sat down. "So you met with J. Arthur Steine," he said, as if that conclusion explained it all.
"Yes. And new I want to hear it from you, Tony. Why did you buy the circus and then give it to Luke for only one dollar?"
He shrugged and sat back, lacing the tips of his fingers together to form a cathedral and then pressing his palms together. He brought his fingers to his lips before speaking. It looked as if he were offering up some prayer.
"I was searching for ways to get you to come back to us at Farthy," he began. "I couldn't believe you were going to continue to give all this up for a teaching position in that small town, where the people didn't even appreciate you."
"I wasn't there for the people, I was there for the children," I corrected him.
He nodded. "I know. Anyway, I was at a loss for ways to win your love and your loyalty, and it occurred to me that if I did something for Luke, you might appreciate the things I could do for everyone you . . . you cared for . . and you would come back."
"But you never even told me what you had done," I said, practically jumping on his words. "Explain what kind of logic there was in that? And you're usually a very logical man, Tony."
"I realize that," he admitted. "But right after I bought the circus and gave it to Luke, I got cold feet. I thought you would think I was trying to buy your love and loyalty, and in the end I would do more damage by telling you this. So I just forgot about it. It was no big expense for me. It didn't matter, and then.. then the telegram came and the rest you know. So," he said, eager to leave the topic, "how's the little one? I'm sure that----"
"I want to know all of it, Tony. I want to hear the whole story from your lips and I want to know why you did it," I repeated, my eyes fixed coldly on him. I knew that when I wanted to, I could affect his sharp, penetrating gaze. I hadn't only inherited some of his looks; I had inherited the steel in his backbone. We were facing each other down, Tatterton to Tatterton. For what seemed to be an eternity, he sat there, his blue eyes calm and unreadable.
"What do you mean?" he finally said. "I told you why I did it."
"You didn't tell me the truth, Tony." I wondered if in his own mind, he thought that he had. For so long now the inhabitants of Farthii ggale Manor had been living with illusions. Perhaps it was no longer possible for him to remember what was true and what wasn't. Sometimes, I thought, you could dream so hard, you no longer know whether it was a fantasy or a real memory.
"What is not true?" he asked.
"The reason you bought the circus and gave it to Luke."
"What I told you is the truth," he insisted. "I did it for you."
