AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I promise,” I solemnly say, holding my hand over my heart. “I won’t write about her if you don’t want me to. But I don’t understand why she’s such a secret. Tell me, Keith. Please. All the things we’ve already shared? Articles be damned, tell me.”
Keith stops, seeing I’m being very serious, and turns to face me, his hands clasped behind his back. Probably to keep them from shaking as I see his shoulders twitching. “She’s the secret I always keep. I don’t let the world know about her because I want Carsen to have as normal a childhood as she possibly can. She goes to a regular school . . . without bodyguards. She can go to the park or the mall with her aunt and nobody knows who she is. Carsen comes on tour with me and can walk around in the crowd without a second glance. I want that for her . . . the gift of being just a normal kid. If people find out she’s my daughter, all of that would change. Paparazzi would chase her, take pictures of her, and fans could approach her. I won’t let that happen. I won’t let my daughter be turned into some fucked up tabloid fodder celebutante.”
I flinch, knowing that’s why the vibe in the kitchen was so chilly. They’d all assumed that as a tabloid reporter, I would throw them under the bus and cash in on the big scoop, drastically changing their whole world with one broad sweep of my pen, exposing Keith’s deepest secret.
I’ll admit there was a tiny piece of me that considered it, but it’s that deep, ugly part inside us all that plays devil’s advocate, tempting the part that dreams of bigger and better things.
The larger piece of my conscience knows I would never reveal something like this if Keith doesn’t want me to. I’ve been silent too long, my thoughts ping-ponging as I study all the angles of the problem, and Keith comes to stand in front of me, looming over me but somehow feeling as though he’s begging on his knees.
I look up at him, and I can see it in his eyes . . . the pain, the fear, the confusion. I reach out, putting my hand on his stomach. “Keith, I won’t write about her. I won’t say a word. I promise. Will you tell me everything though? I feel like we’ve shared so much, our bodies and our souls naked as we’ve talked about everything. But this is huge. I feel like you’ve been hiding this big piece of who you are, even as I was telling you everything with nothing held back. This is about trust.”
He sighs, sitting down in a chair next to me with his elbows on his knees, head hanging low. “All of this is a hundred percent off-the-record. I’m not kidding, Elise.”
I nod, putting my hand over my heart. “As God is my witness, I promise you Carsen’s name will never see the light of day.”
Keith nods and begins. At first, his voice is slightly tentative, filled with pauses, and I’m reminded of how I sometimes type. “When I was a kid, I had a girlfriend, Janie. She was my high-school sweetheart. We wanted different things. She wanted to settle in our small hometown, and by then, I was already dreaming of Nashville and being a musician. When I left after graduation for Boise, it was amicable enough, I thought. We didn’t know it at the time, but she was pregnant.”
“How’d she . . .?” I ask, feeling stupid as soon as it leaves my mouth.
Keith shrugs. “I was a teenager, in love, and stupid. Anyway, shortly after I left, she moved away to live with her grandmother, keeping the pregnancy a secret. That sort of town, you understand. Only her parents knew and they were disappointed, wanted her to go away to her grandmother’s too. She gave birth to Carsen and then stayed with her grandmother for almost two years after having her. The two of them did a great job raising Carsen. She was a lucky baby, loved and well cared for.”
“She didn’t tell you?”
Keith shakes his head. “But when Janie’s grandmother passed away unexpectedly, Janie couldn’t do it alone and didn’t want to go back to her parents. She showed up on the doorstep of my crappy, rundown hovel of a studio apartment with an almost two-year-old toddler on her hip. I hadn’t seen her in years by then.
“She begged for forgiveness, and it wasn’t like I could turn her away. She had my daughter with her. She moved in that day. It was awkward at first. We didn’t really have feelings for each other anymore, but we’d made this amazing little person together.”
I can’t help but give Keith a sad smile. In one short statement, he told me so many things about himself and the sort of person he is. It doesn’t even matter about the rest. But still, I need to listen, to know the details. “What happened?”
