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Her ex-boyfriend. That was just fucking fantastic. Her young, successful ex who was in the industry she wanted to be in. Whose name was Sneak.
Feeling like I could choke on the words, I said, “You should take it. That’s a great gig.”
“You think I should take it?” she asked, studying me.
Did I want her to take it? Hell no. Did I think she should take it? Yes. Because I would never be so fucking selfish that I made her choose between me and her career. “Of course. It’s what you love.”
Her eyes widened. “I…”
For a split second I froze. I thought she was going to say that she loved me, but that was ridiculous. She didn’t say anything even close to that.
“I don’t want to leave you in a bind. You’ll have to get a new nanny.”
The thought made me want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head and sleep my problems away. But I’d never done that and I couldn’t start now. “It will be fine. I don’t want to hold you back.”
Dakota sunk her teeth into her bottom lip. “I don’t want to leave the girls, I hope you know that. I’m going to miss them.”
Nothing about me. “They’ll miss you too.”
I’ll miss you. Damn it, I’ll fucking miss you.
I wanted to say it. I wanted to take her into my arms and tell her I loved her. But that would just make her feel guilty. I didn’t want to burden her with my feelings. She already felt bad about leaving Willow and Poppy.
“If you want to go back to bed for a few hours, you can,” she said. “I’ll hold down the fort. You look like your fun has caught up with you.”
The booze and lack of sleep had left me feeling rough but what she was seeing on my face was a guy who was watching his future slip between his fingers.
“Care to join me?” I asked, because I’m a masochist who wants to torture himself.
She shook her head, giving me a small smile. “You know that’s not a good idea.”
“I know. I guess a lot of things aren’t a good idea. Doesn’t mean I don’t want them at the same time.”
“Thank you,” she said.
That took me aback. “For what?”
“For this.” She waved her hand around. “For giving me a job. For looking out for me. For making me see that having a family can be a beautiful thing. And not just for other people, but maybe for me someday.”
I had shown her she could have a family with another man in the future. That was just about the worst thing I’d ever heard. I understood the truth of it. Felt it deep in my gut. That our lives were too different, we were too different. I was happy for her that she saw a beautiful future for herself. I just hated that it had to be with someone else.
“You’re welcome. And thank you, for saving us. We were hanging on by a thread here and you came in and calmed everything down. You restored the Macnamara world order. I can’t ever repay you for that.” I couldn’t. I brushed her hair back off of her face.
Tears formed in her eyes and she hastily reached up and wiped them. “It was two months I wouldn’t trade for anything.” Then she gave a forced laugh. “You can repay me by letting me store my stuff in a closet. I need to leave in two days.”
“Two days? Jesus.” Just like that. She’d be gone and my bed would be lonely as hell. “Sure, whatever you need. I guess I should go back to bed. Sounds like the next few days are going to be chaotic,” I said, because there was nothing else to say.
“Go for it,” she said.
That was it.
Go for it.
I turned and went back to bed, though there was no sleeping.
Two days.
Fuck my life.
