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“She’s back for a visit next month, didn’t you know?”
“Marian, please don’t tell me she’s staying with you in East Hampton.”
“Of course she is.”
“Well, I shall make myself very scarce.”
“Mom, does Charlotte really have to stay with us? You know how Cecil gets around her. When we were in London he broke out in hives the day she tried to take us to some hot new restaurant in Maida Vale.”
“Was it really Charlotte that caused his hives, or was he having an allergic reaction to something he ate?”
“Well, I do get a migraine whenever I’m forced to go outside of Zone 1, but I think it’s safe to say I have a Charlotte Barclay allergy. It’s not as bad as my allergy to South African wines, but it’s an allergy nonetheless.”
* * *
…
Overheard in the china room…
“Wah! Three separate dishwashers for different types of china. What a house!”
“It’s actually three town houses put together, Mrs. Zao.”
“I suspected as much. It must be the biggest house in New York, yes?”
“It’s big, but I’m sure there’s something bigger. The thing about the superrich is that they always need more space with no people in it.”
“You always know everything, Freddie. Three dishwashers! Three town houses! And here I can’t even find a simple flat for myself in New York.”
“I didn’t know you were looking for a place in the city, Mrs. Zao.”
“Now that George got a promotion at his firm and will be designing this new apartment complex in Queens that’s made only of recycled trash, it looks like he will be staying for a while. So I think I must get a place in the city for myself. I don’t want to be in that big Shittinghurst in the winter, and I can’t keep on staying with him at his apartment…How will he ever find a girlfriend if his mother is there all the time?”
“You’re a wise woman, Mrs. Zao. Sometimes it gets a bit tricky when I bring girls home. They all end up wanting to chat with my mom! What sort of place are you looking for?”
“Well, I like the older buildings here, like the Dakota one where John Lennon lived. What do you call them? Pre-bomb?”
“Prewar, Mrs. Zao.”
“Yes. I don’t need anything too big for myself—just four or five bedrooms will do.”
“You know there’s an apartment that’s about to go on sale in our building? The old lady who owned it had lived there since the thirties but preferred to spend the last twenty-five years living in Beth Israel Hospital, even though she was in perfect health. It’s beautiful, like a time capsule with all the period details intact—I got a chance to sneak in and see it last week when the realtors were taking photos.”
“Really? I love your building!”
“In fact, I have the realtor’s card in my wallet right here…”
“Freddie, you really need to get a new wallet. That thing is falling apart.”
“I know. But I can’t bear to change it. It was my father’s.”
* * *
…
Overheard in the pool room…
“It’s entirely eco-friendly and organic, George. It’s a self-sustaining system: the fish droppings in the koi pond fertilize the aquatic plants in the reflecting pool, which in turn create biological filters that clean the water in the lap pool.”
