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I put my foot in the door before he slams it in my face. “I want to see Luna.”
“Too bad.” He tries to close the door again, but I put my hand on it, keep it open. “You’re not seeing my sister, no way.”
“I just wanna talk to her.”
“I don’t care what you want!” His face has gone red. “You bullied her, you sent her away. I missed her. Did you ever stop to think what you were doing?”
It’s more the hurt in his eyes, so young and vulnerable, filled with righteous anger, that gets to me, punches through me like a fist. “You’re right, I didn’t. I’m sorry, man.”
He shakes his head, obviously not accepting my apology. “She has to stay away from you,” he whispers. “You’re infecting her, changing her. She’s sad, and quiet, and doesn’t want to stay around anymore. She was always so... stuck on you. Since school. And now it’s worse.”
My heartbeat lurches. Is that true?
But then he says, so quietly I barely hear it, his gaze sliding away, “She’s leaving, you know.”
His words are another punch to my solar plexus that leaves me winded. “What? Leaving? What do you mean?”
“She won’t talk about it to me, but I overhead her talking to Dad. She wants to go away to college. She hates this town. And that’s your fault, too.”
My fault. She never said... She didn’t say...
; Fuck.
Buddy comes to the door, behind Josh, and barks at me, but I ignore him. Of course she wants to leave. I dunno why I thought... I assumed... Just because she’s kind. Well, the sex was hot, and...
And I can’t think beyond that. What would she want with a loser like me? Nothing has changed.
Turning blindly, I walk away. There are things to be done. Find out who Dad’s second victim was, find out if her son is still alive, press Dad until he tells me. Track the boy down, contact him. Make sure he’s all right.
And after that... hell knows what I’ll do. I’ll be back at the beginning, in that dark pit with the snakes, hanging over their snapping mouths.
Things can’t get worse than this, I think, not if I lose Luna, and I should have known, dammit, I should have known better than to tempt fate...
***
I’ve already smoked half a pack of cigarettes by the time it’s visiting hours at the prison. Since I’m immediate family, there’s no problem when I ask to see Dad. Nobody seems to remember he’s in here because he did his best to kill me, and I don’t remind them.
Checking the time, I decide it’s time to go in. I throw my cigarette down, step on it, and wipe my sweaty palms on my thighs before I enter.
Yeah, I shouldn’t be here. Yeah, I shouldn’t be smoking. And yeah, it’s doubtful Dad will be any damn help, but I have to try.
My hands are shaking. I shove them deep into my jean pockets. My mind keeps trying to go back to everything Joshua said, and it’s a fucking never-ending rollercoaster of tension and goddamn despair.
Luna is leaving.
I didn’t manage to prove myself to her. I’m not good enough. Never was, for anyone. Not for Dad, nor for her. Buddy made the right choice, choosing her to stay with. Even animals can sense when it’s time to cut their losses.
“Sir? Sir, have you filled out the visitor application?”
“Yes.” I rake my hand through my hair. “Yeah.”
“Your name and driver’s license, please. And leave everything, wallet, keys, or anything else on your person in this tray. It will be returned to you later.”
I heap everything on the indicated tray, and try to focus on the reason I’m here. Visit Dad. Ask him about the woman, the earrings, the letters. The boy.
Stop thinking about Luna. Luna leaving. Leaving you.
