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“I should have told you how I felt.”
“But Fred, of all people? How did that happen?”
She shrugs. “He dropped by one night when you were gone. You might have even been here.” She stops and looks toward the water. “This was where you always wanted to be.” She clears her throat. “Anyway, he came to bring back something he’d borrowed from you, I don’t even remember what it was, and he stayed and talked to me. And before I knew it, we’d finished off two bottles of wine and we’d— Well, we’d betrayed you. We woke up the next day wrapped up in blankets and regrets.”
“Did you at least change the sheets?” I ask sarcastically.
She lets my comment slide. “Freddy was furious with himself. He couldn’t believe he’d let it happen. You were his best friend, and he was beside himself with worry. He wanted to tell you right away, but I wouldn’t let him.”
I start walking toward the water again, because I don’t want to hear about Fred’s guilt. I just don’t.
I step onto the dock and walk to the end. She follows me. I finally turn to face her.
“Hate me. Don’t hate him,” she says. “I take all the blame.”
I reach up and push a lock of blond hair behind her ear. “I think I’ve done quite enough hating the both of you. I think I’m ready to be finished with that.”
“Can you forgive us?”
I nod and shove my hands into my pockets. “Yeah, I can.”
“I was so worried I’d come here and find you still angry at me. And at Freddy.”
“Are you together now?”
She nods. “Yeah, we are. We’re trying it out. Seeing where it goes.”
“Well, you do have a baby together.” I try out a laugh, but it falls flat like a dead fish on the dock.
“There’s that.” She laughs too. Another dead fish.
“Does your baby still have all that red hair?”
She laughs again and a real smile lights up her face. “She does. I try to put little barrettes in it, but she just pulls them out. It’s not meant to be tamed, apparently.”
I nod and stare over the quiet water. Now that the storm has passed, the air hangs heavy with dampness and the water is completely still.
“Our lease is almost up at our apartment,” she says. “I thought I might start to pack things up.”
“I can come and help you.”
She lays her fingertips briefly on my arm. “That’s okay. I can do it. I’ll ship your things.”
“Take the baby stuff with you.”
She grins. “Well, it’s not like you have much use for it.”
I don’t tell her about Katie. The feeling of calmness between us is too new. It’s too raw. I don’t want to break it. I don’t want to rip the bandage off a second time. “True.” I turn in a circle, staring out over the water. “I think it hurt me more losing Fred than it did losing you,” I admit. Then I wince, because I know that sounds crass and intentionally hurtful.
“Well, that should tell us both something.”
“I want you to be happy,” I tell her.
“I want that for you too, Jake. I want you to find someone who fills up all your empty places.”
“Does Fred fill yours?”
She smiles. “Yeah, I think he does.”
