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“No,” I refused.
There was no way. He had asked too quickly, and right then, I didn’t even need to think about my answer. I already had reservations, and learning that he knew all along and didn’t tell me before wasn’t helping matters. Besides, the thing with Rachel was still so damn fresh, and the worst part was that he didn’t seem to realize it was even a problem.
If he couldn’t recognize the problem, what happened last time would happen again. Only we had a child between us now, so even if I wanted to, I couldn’t be free of him.
“Why not?” he asked calmly.
I opened my mouth but had to pause to put my thoughts together. He already knew my big secret, should I tell him about his mom and Rachel?
But does he not know, or is he just ignoring it? And how the hell can he act so damn calm!
Whichever it was didn’t matter, though.
“It’s for the best, Joshua,” I said, my voice firm.
“Weren’t things getting on fine between us recently?”
“That is one thing, and this is another thing. I wouldn’t mind being friends with you.” Thought it would be a lot easier for me emotionally to just cut all ties with you.
“But anything more than that wouldn’t be good for either of us, Joshua. Not now.”
“Then when?” he snapped. “And the best for whom? I don’t see why we can't just be together. You still care for me as I do for you, we have a son together, Alessandra.”
“None of that means we have to be together, though,” I pointed out.
He looked like he wanted to argue, and he fisted his hands on his knees. But in the end, he blew out an explosive breath and picked up his juice to drink down the rest of it. I looked down at my glass and took a few more sips. It was still half full.
“Fine, then,” he said after a moment. “You don’t have to be with me if it’s not what you want. But even if you don’t want me, I still want access to my son. I’m allowed to have that much, aren’t I?”
His tone was sarcastic, and it made my chest ache. I wanted to tell him that I never intended to keep his son away from him forever, but would he even believe me if I said it?
My eyes stung with tears. I didn’t want him to see me cry, so I drank up what was left of my juice, set the glass on the table, and stood up.
“I’m leaving,” I said, not looking at him. “I’ll call Wendy and ask where she is so I can pick Trent up. I’ll see you later, Joshua.”
He stood up as well. “Won't you at least give me an answer before you leave?” he said, exasperated. “Do I have to look for you again, or are you going to talk to me?”
I picked up my purse, then turned to look at him over my shoulder.
“You and Rachel are good together,” I said, my voice hard.
He scowled. “Don’t tell me it’s about that.”
Shit. Did he figure it out, now?
He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Alessandra, please tell me that you’re not worried about Rachel. Because if that’s the only problem you ever had with me, I might get mad.”
“And what of it?” I retorted, defensive.
For a moment, he was speechless. Then, he did look mad.
“I’m going to tell you what I’ve told my mom countless times. I’ve known Rachel for a while, and I do consider her a friend, but nothing is going to happen between her and me. And you, Alessandra, you know I’m going to stick to it so that I can be a stubborn bastard.
“So you knew your mom wanted you to marry Rachel instead of me?” I said, surprised.
“Of course I knew, she told me, and I refused every time. I talked to Rachel about it, and she said she was okay with it. She wouldn’t mind going along with my mom, because we know each other and we do get along. But I don’t have any romantic feelings for her, and I don’t think I ever will.”
I bit my lip. Could I believe him? He might say that he talked to Rachel, and she was okay with it, but she was not. No friend, not even a close one, would have grabbed his arm in front of someone they knew he was in a relationship with. She wouldn’t have acted so close to him before, either, if she took our relationship seriously.
