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‘What I want, Fraser,’ she said, slowly and deliberately, knowing that her temper wasn’t going to help this situation, ‘is some sort of plan for co-parenting this child that doesn’t completely derail everything I need to happen in my life.’
‘Well, it might be a bit late for that. Babies have a habit of derailing things.’
It was Fraser’s turn to shrug, and she narrowly avoided the temptation of throwing her tea at him. How could he be so damn casual about it? Simply brush away her concerns?
‘Well, in this case it can’t.’ She ground out the monosyllables, her temper still on the up.
At some point she was going to have to tell him about her life. Her responsibilities. The reason she had called off her engagement. And what would she see in his eyes? Pity? Fear? Horror at what he had got himself involved in?
‘Okay, are you going to tell me what this is about or do I have to read between the lines and guess? Are you going to throw me a clue?’
Well, it looked as if she was about to find out.
‘It’s not a secret,’ she said. ‘I already have caring responsibilities. I have a sister with a disability and a mother who’s getting older, whose arthritis is getting worse by the day. I need to get ahead with my career now, because the time will come pretty soon when I’ll need the money I’ve banked, and I’ll need to have reached a point in my career when I can work flexibly.’
‘You were engaged before?’ Fraser said thoughtfully.
Elspeth bristled. ‘I’m not sure what that has to do with anything. I’m talking about the baby, here. I’m not proposing.’
‘I’m just saying you must have thought at one time that you could have both. I don’t want to marry you, Elspeth. I just want to understand you.’
She tried to throw off the feeling that he was criticising her and answered as calmly as she could. ‘You’re right. At one time I thought that things could be different, and then I proved myself wrong. When my family and my relationship were both suffering because I was being pulled in opposite directions I had to choose, and I chose my family.’
Fraser’s face creased, and Elspeth had a moment to see pain in his eyes before he wiped his expression clear.
‘What?’ she asked, when Fraser’s silence stretched.
‘Nothing,’ he replied.
But she could tell that something she’d said had touched him. Had resonated with him. She knew he was keeping things from her. But why shouldn’t he? He barely knew her. Other than the cells dividing and multiplying inside her, they shared nothing in their lives. They might as well be strangers.
Not quite strangers.
Not when she knew the curve of his buttocks and the scratch of his stubble. The deep, bass notes of his groans and the gentle huff of his breath while he slept.
But not familiar either. Unfamiliar enough for her skin to tingle when it sensed him close. New enough for her heart to pick up its pace a little every time her eyes flickered to his face. Enough of an unknown that she had to resist the temptation to reach out and touch his mouth, just to remind herself of how it had felt pressed hard and hot against hers among the giant trees of the botanic gardens.
Elspeth finished her tea and replaced her cup and saucer on the table, wondering where they were meant to take this next.
‘So, what do we do now?’ Fraser asked.
Elspeth wondered why she was meant to have all the answers. Just because she was the one doing the gestating? But the answer suddenly seemed straightforward enough—not that that made it easy.
‘Well, if we both want to be involved in this baby’s life, then I guess we ought to get to know one another,’ she said.
Then Elspeth’s phone buzzed; she glanced at it and gave a start.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I have to get back to the surgery. I’ll call you soon and we can arrange something. We’ve got lots still to talk about.’
* * *
Fraser stood as Elspeth did, and for an awkward moment he didn’t know whether to offer his hand or lean in to kiss her cheek. A look of alarm on Elspeth’s face betrayed that she was as confused as he was and she took a step backwards, making either action impossible.
‘We’ll speak soon, then,’ Fraser said. ‘Look after yourself,’ he added.
And look after our baby.
He didn’t say it out loud, but she must have known that he was thinking it. He was still trying to get his head around the fact that he was going to be a father. What would his mother say? She’d be excited—he had no doubt about that. But he was pretty sure that this wasn’t how she’d imagined it happening, with a woman he had only known for one night of passion, and with whom had he had no intention of settling down.
