AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Not that Elspeth wanted to settle down either. He’d breathed a sigh of relief over that—the fact that she didn’t want a relationship any more than he did. But there was no question that it would make the whole ‘practicalities of parenting’ thing harder. He had no intention of being an absent father, but he didn’t want to live in the city either. Which meant he’d better get used to being in his car, driving in and out of Edinburgh’s busy roads on a—what? A weekly trip to see his child?
It wasn’t going to be enough, he realised. He didn’t want to miss a day of his child’s life. He wanted to be there for all of it.
A shudder went through him as he thought about what his father had missed out on when he’d chosen his stepmother over him. All those years he had lost that couldn’t be retrieved. Fraser was not going to let that happen to his baby. His child would always know, unquestioningly, that his father loved him. His child would always come first.
At least he and Elspeth saw eye to eye on that one. He thought back to what she had said about her family—her responsibilities. He had to respect the choices she had made. They were the choices he wished his father had made. Choosing family and responsibility over the passion and lust that everyone knew would fade a couple of years into a relationship.
Emotions like that could not and should not be trusted. They certain
ly shouldn’t be the basis of important life decisions.
So why did his mind and his body have to torment him with reminders of just how much passion and lust he had felt for Elspeth? He was trying to make smart decisions. Trying to do the right thing, But all his brain cared to remind him of was how good it had felt to be with her. How satiated and content he had felt, exhausted and sweaty, with her lying in his arms. How still he had felt in that moment, just holding her close.
But it couldn’t happen again. Because he’d seen how the lure of those feelings clouded judgement and screwed up priorities. His only priority now was his child. And that meant that any thoughts of a rematch of that wedding night had to be shelved. If there was one woman in the world that he couldn’t have, it was Elspeth.
CHAPTER FOUR
ELSPETH LACED UP her trainers and wondered at what point she would stop being able to tie her own shoes. At just about twelve weeks pregnant her body barely felt any different from before. Her jeans were maybe a little tight, and her breasts a little sore. But the nausea that had coloured the last few weeks was starting to fade, and she could feel a surge of energy building to carry her through the next trimester.
There were no obvious outward signs of the life that was growing inside her, and even her mother hadn’t guessed what was going on until she’d confessed all a week or two ago. But now Elspeth was booked in with a midwife and had a scan appointment in a few days. There was no escaping the fact that this baby was real.
She wondered whether Fraser would be able to see a difference in her and thought back to that night after the wedding, how he had touched her and held her and caressed her. Would he notice the very slight roundness of her belly? The subtle changes in her breasts?
Not that he was getting anywhere near her breasts, she reminded herself. The last thing this situation needed was the complication of a romantic relationship. They had enough to worry about without their feelings getting involved.
Since that morning in the lounge of the hotel they had exchanged a few brief texts, mainly about how the pregnancy was going, and relaying any news about the baby. Other than that there had been nothing said between them that would have given away how intimate they’d been just a few months ago. No hint of the chemistry that she couldn’t deny had been seriously hot that night.
The sudden arrival of an enormous muddy black four-by-four beside her broke her train of thought, and she looked up to see Fraser behind the wheel, disconnecting a cable and tapping on his phone so she had a minute to watch him before he realised what she was doing.
The stubble on his jaw looked more than a day old, and his hair was wild and unkempt. He couldn’t look more different than he had at the start of that wedding, with his hair dragged straight and under control and a smooth jawline. But she suspected that this was closer to the man he really was, with no regard for his hair and mud spattered up the sides of his car.
She smiled, pleased to have been gifted this unguarded moment, and then started as Fraser glanced out of the window and saw her watching. She refused to blush, breathing deep and evenly, forcing her body not to react. It was a trick she’d learnt young, not wanting her pale Celtic skin to give away her every emotion.
Fraser swung down from the car and, remembering their awkwardness the last few times they’d seen each other, Elspeth decided to take the lead and reached up to give him a peck on the cheek. A handshake would have been ridiculous, given everything that had happened between them, and she’d been thinking about how this was going to work.
They needed to be friends. It was important for their baby that they got on with one another. That they worked together to give this child everything it needed. If they couldn’t manage a kiss on the cheek, then they were in serious trouble.
‘Hi,’ she said, trying to make her smile seem natural as she lowered herself from her tiptoes. She’d forgotten how he towered over her. How much she’d loved the feeling of her body being literally overwhelmed by him.
‘Hi,’ Fraser replied, and for a few moments he didn’t move away.
She didn’t want to either. She stayed close to him, smiling up, caught in the memory of how good it had felt to have his body tight against hers. How naturally they had read one another, how in sync they had felt that night.
And then Elspeth’s smile dropped as she remembered where it had led. The consequences of that intimacy.
Basking in the warm glow of a smile and a physical connection was all well and good if you had no responsibilities. But that wasn’t her life—and she had to remember that. The days when she had been able to indulge herself with romantic fantasies were long gone—if they’d ever really existed at all.
She took a deliberate step back, and Fraser seemed to sense her change in mood, his face falling and darkening as she could only assume her own had.
‘Are you sure you’re up to a walk?’ he asked. ‘I don’t know much about this pregnancy stuff, but I read a couple of books and I’m pretty sure you’re meant to take things easy.’
Elspeth couldn’t help her smile returning at the thought of him poring over mother and baby manuals.
‘I’m fine, really. I’d tell you if it wasn’t. We’ll take a gentle route up.’
Fraser nodded and looked out over the park, up towards the climb to Arthur’s Seat—a jagged rocky peak that towered over the city of Edinburgh, the remains of a long-extinct volcano. ‘Do you come and walk up here often?’ he asked.
‘Not as often as I should,’ Elspeth said, realising it was true. ‘I suppose it’s that thing of stuff being on your doorstep—you forget to do all the things that the guidebooks flog to the tourists.’
