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‘You look beautiful,’ he said, pulling her face down for another kiss with one hand. The other still rested possessively on her belly. ‘And you feel incredible. All full and tight and about to burst. It’s been impossible to ignore how sexy you are like this.’
She laughed, kissing him back. ‘The hormones must have gone to your head. But I’ll take it.’ She resumed her explorations, and this time didn’t protest as his hands found their way under her clothes and over her skin.
* * *
There was no light around the edges of the curtains when Elspeth’s phone rang the next morning. That didn’t mean much in the Highlands in winter—it could be nine in the morning or three in the afternoon. So she glanced at the time on her phone as she picked it up—five in the morning.
She felt a frisson of dread familiar to anyone living with chronic illness and disability in their lives when a phone rang in the middle of the night. Her mother’s name was on the screen. Elspeth swallowed her fear down, not wanting her mother to hear that she was worried.
‘Mum? Everything okay?’ she asked in a whisper, not wanting to wake Fraser, snoring softly beside her.
Elspeth held her breath as her mum spoke. She had fallen in the shower and had to call an ambulance. She was in A&E now, which meant that the respite carer they’d booked was at home with Sarah, unsupervised.
‘I’ll come home right away,’ Elspeth said, calculating driving times in her head. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be back in a few hours.’
She ignored her mum’s protests—because what else could she do? She wasn’t going to risk having someone underqualified and inexperienced taking care of Sarah when she could be back there herself in a few hours, making sure that everything was done exactly as it needed to be.
A hmmmph beside her in the bed let her know that Fraser was awake and unhappy about it. One of his hands curved around her hip, but she pushed it away. This wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t come up here with him, she thought to herself. She wouldn’t be sitting here wondering what might happen to Sarah if the agency had sent someone inexperienced, imagining all the worst-case scenarios that haunted her late at night when she thought about strangers looking after her sister.
She crept from under the blankets, hoping Fraser would fall back to sleep before remembering that she didn’t have her car here and she’d need him to drive her home.
‘What’s going on?’ he asked, lifting himself on to one elbow and eyeing her suspiciously as she flicked on a light and
started throwing things into her suitcase. ‘Elspeth?’ he said, trepidation in his voice. ‘Are ye going somewhere?’
‘There’s an emergency at home,’ she said, without looking round. ‘I’ve got to go and take care of my sister. I’m sorry. I know we meant to stay longer. Perhaps I could take the car and—’
Fraser sat up properly, pushing the hair out of his eyes, still not looking one hundred per cent awake.
‘No, I’ll drive you, Elspeth. Of course I will. Is Sarah okay? Your mum?’
‘Mum’s had a fall. She’s in A&E waiting for X-rays—which means Sarah’s home alone with the carer.’
‘I’m sorry about your mum. But is there no one else who can help out? Someone closer?’
That’s just what Alex would say.
The thought appeared in her brain before she could stop it.
* * *
‘I really have to go, Fraser. I know it’s not what we planned, but that’s just the way it is.’
Fraser glanced around the room, trying to guess from the light—or lack of it—what time it was. From the grit in his eyes and the ache in his muscles he guessed that it wasn’t much later than when they had finally fallen asleep.
‘It’s not about what we planned, Elspeth,’ he said, trying to catch up with what was happening, trying to stave off the fear that she was about to walk out on him. ‘It was an innocent question. I’m trying to understand what’s going on.’
She stopped packing and stood still for a moment. ‘Look, I know you’re not used to this. But this is how it is with my family—my life. Sometimes I have to drop everything and just go.’
She was moving round the room purposefully, pulling on clothes, throwing others sharply into her suitcase. It was clear that she was leaving. Had she given him a moment’s consideration or was she just going to lift his keys and go?
‘This is exactly what I was worried about, coming up here. This is exactly why I’ve said all along that this won’t work.’
‘And would you be running so fast if it wasn’t for last night?’ he asked, knowing that he was entering dangerous waters. Last night they had found such a fragile balance...she had taken such a risk by giving in to what she wanted. What they both wanted. Was she regretting it now?
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Elspeth asked, but it was clear from the way she refused to meet his eyes that she knew.
‘Exactly what you think it means,’ he said, his voice growing cold as the fear that she was walking away from him sank in. ‘This would be a very convenient exit route if you regret what happened last night. If you’ve changed your mind about watchful waiting and want to take action instead.’
