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‘Okay,’ he said, speaking softly and slowly, as if trying to calm a skittish horse. ‘Then how about this for a plan?’
He cupped her cheek, his hand moving as slowly as his words, and just as she was about to push him away he paused and flicked his gaze up to her eyes from her mouth. But he didn’t kiss her. Didn’t cross the invisible line that she had drawn between them.
‘I think about this all day,’ he said. ‘It’s exhausting trying to deny it. To deny myself.’
Elspeth heaved in a deep breath, sending it down to her fingertips to stop them grabbing at him—to her mouth, to stop it begging him to deliver on what that look had just promised.
‘It doesn’t leave me time or energy for anything else. Maybe if we stopped fighting. Maybe if we...’
She thought he was going to do it—to lean in and complete this kiss. He was going to make their bed and she would enjoy lying in it.
But he just rested his forehead against hers. ‘Maybe, if we weren’t putting so much effort into fighting so damn hard, things would work themselves out.’
‘But...’ Elspeth started to say. She had so many sensible objections that she didn’t even know where to start. She couldn’t be in a relationship. There was too much at stake. If she were distracted by Fraser and something happened to Sarah she would never be able to forgive herself.
‘I know... I know,’ Fraser said, lifting her hand back to his lips for a gentle kiss. ‘There’s a million reasons why this might not work. Why it would make more sense for us to resist. But I can’t help feeling that if I weren’t expending so much energy resisting you every second of the day, maybe we’d find the answer to making this work. Could that be our plan? We stop fighting against what we want and see what happens.’
What if he was right? She was thinking about him all day anyway—when she was at work, when she was with Sarah, when she was in the car, when she should be sleeping. Thinking about how she was going to resist him. Thinking about that night after the wedding. Thinking about all the reasons why this was a bad idea. If all that went away, would she have more time for everything else in her life, rather than less?
‘Watchful waiting...’ Elspeth said thoughtfully.
Fraser frowned. ‘What?’
At last she met his eyes. ‘It’s doctor-speak for wait and see. For observing how something progresses before you decide whether you need to intervene or not.’
Fraser nodded, reflecting her smile back at her. He was still so close she could feel his breath on her lips. Still not taking that choice from her.
‘Watchful waiting,’ he echoed. ‘I like the sound of that. Though the waiting part sounds a lot like what we’ve been doing already.’
A surge of heat started in the pit of her belly and spread up over her chest, until she was sure her cheeks were flaming. ‘I can’t wait for you much longer, I don’t think,’ she said, being honest at last. ‘I’m not sure I’ve got the strength.’
He gave her a look that burned and melted her at the same time, like a candle, puddling wax around its own flame.
‘You’re the strongest woman I—’
She pressed her lips against his and it lit her up as it had the last time, the first time, every time she had kissed him. But with the urgency of knowing she shouldn’t be doing this gone, she felt something else in his kiss, a sweetness, a tenderness that had been drowned out before. Or, she wondered, maybe this was new. Maybe this was deeper.
With her eyes closed, she brought her hand to his face, rubbed her thumb against the fullness of his bottom lip, rediscovering the contours of his mouth, taking the time to relearn every line.
The night of the wedding, and in the dreams she had had since, he was a silhouetted shape in the half-light. He was the desire and the urgency that had made her lose her inhibitions and led her into trouble. Now the urgency had gone, had been replaced with something richer. She didn’t need to consume this experience in one sitting, knowing that she wouldn’t have another chance. She could take her time over this. Indulge every curiosity. She could stop and enjoy every moment with each of her senses. And she intended to.
‘Enjoying yourself?’ Fraser asked, as her explorations continued.
‘Mmm...’ Elsepth replied as she trailed kisses along his jaw, pressed her lips to the soft, sensitive skin behind his ear.
His lips dropped to her collarbone, nudging aside the fabric of her sweater, sending a shock of desire right through her. His cold hands on her waist made her jump, and she pulled away.
‘What’s the hurry?’ she asked, acting innocent.
Fraser held his hands up in supplication. ‘If you want to be in charge...’
He leaned back and turned his head, pulling her on top of him so she could carry on where she’d left off—except he’d clearly forgotten the football-sized bump between them, and she let out an oomph as she landed on him and the breath was squeezed from her.
Fraser lifted his head in alarm, propping himself up on his elbows. ‘Did I hurt you? Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine,’ Elspeth said, pushing him back on the bench seat, lowering herself gently until she was lying on top of him. ‘Things have changed a wee bit since we were last here. That’s all.’
He ran his hands over her bump and smiled at her appreciatively.
