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My husband is practically vibrating with tension behind me. “Excuse me?”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him to calm down, but I know how well that works on anyone, so I don’t.
I wave at Kai, who remains very still, and absolutely not looking anywhere near us. “This is what I need. I want you to keep that promise preemptively. Set up provisions for the baby if something happens to us.”
“Us?” Adrian echoes softly. “I already told you I’m not entertaining thoughts of something happening to you.”
“You then,” I demand, even as the words carve something out of my chest. He can’t imagine me being hurt any more than I can imagine him being gone. But this…this is what I need to feel safe. If our child is protected from the outside world this way, I’ll feel much better. Further, I zero in on Kai again, who’s still keeping his eyes anywhere but at us.
“I also want Kai to promise if something happens to us, he’ll take care of our child.”
“What?” both men say at once. Adrian curses, and Kai freezes, looking like he’s even afraid to breathe.
“Angel, we need to talk about this first. Before you…”
I shake my head, hiking the sheet up around me. “No, I won’t let you talk me out of this, even if you are very persuasive. I need this, and if you’re serious…you can take all the jewels you gave me, anything at all…this reassurance is the only thing I want.”
He comes around to face me now, sliding his hands up my arms. I can tell he’s angry, still vibrating with the need to rage against my declarations, but I can’t let him talk me out of it.
And things will only get worse when I say the next part.
I tug out of his grasp. “Let me put on clothes really quickly so Kai can actually speak to me.”
He lets me go. I quickly throw on a pair of leggings and an oversized sweater and race back to the command room.
Adrian is sitting next to Kai with his head in his hands. It kills me to do this to him. Especially right after leaving him and making him doubt me, doubt my feelings for him.
I sit in the chair on the other side of Adrian, clasping my hands on the table in front of me.
“Kai will do it,” Adrian says, his tone clipped and cold.
I slide my hand across the back of his neck. His hair is getting long, a testament to how worried he’s been. Otherwise, he’d be perfect, ready to face any challenge set in front of him. Another pang of guilt hits me.
“Will you turn and look at me, please? The next part is the hardest, and I can’t say it while you’re facing away. I need you to see my face while I speak. I need you to see me while I speak.”
I let him take his time, and he does, slowly shifting his chair to face me, his knees trapping mine between his as if he’s making a point, asserting the dominance it’s killing him to keep at bay.
“What part is the hardest? Because this is fucking brutal, Valentina,” he says, his voice trembling for control as much as his body.
I swallow hard and exhale slowly so he can’t hear the shake and tremor in my own conviction. Every word is a test, not of him, but of myself. If I can’t stand up to him, a man who has vowed to protect and love me, then how will I ever keep this baby safe from people who actually might want to hurt it. And there are so many people out there who would rip us both apart if they could. The confrontation with my father only cemented that reality for me.
A hot tear slips down my cheeks, and he catches it with a finger, swiping at my face on the other side to stop the others.
“Just say it, Angel, so we can fucking stop having this conversation. I hate seeing you cry. You know that.”
I sniff, trying to keep it all in. “With the current climate in the council and with society, I want you to set up a way for me and our child to run if the need arises. But not just us, for you too…a way for you to run with him, or me, whoever has to keep him safe. Kai too,” I add belatedly.
He stiffens in front of me, and I know what I’m asking of him so soon after I made his worst nightmares come true.
The room is deathly quiet. I think Kai is holding his breath as hard as I am. No doubt waiting to spring up to protect me if the need arises. I won’t, though, if he needs to unleash that terrible anger out on me. Not that I don’t deserve every bit of it.
