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'Yes, I am.' She wondered just how she could hint at her thoughts, and discovered that with Lucas she could simply say the words. 'I have no experience, but it is possible, is it not, to make love without…that?'
As he struggled with the shock Lucas wondered if she knew just what she was asking of him. She was watching his face intently, and although he did not think he had betrayed himself, she read his expression.
'It wasn't fair of me to ask that, was it? It is asking you to exercise a great deal of self-control at a time when you will want to simply follow your instincts.'
'For you, to be with you, a little self-control is nothing.' With a woman he did not love it would be everything. This would be heaven-and hell. 'Even without…that-' her mouth quirked in amusement as he used her own euphemism '-it is very intimate, very intense. Are you sure you want that? Are you sure you will not regret it afterwards?'
'I will not regret it.'
Daisy-he dared not ask her real name-was maintaining a bright, social smile, even nodding and waving to people at other tables.
'All I regret are the things that are keeping us apart.'
They sat in silence for a while, sipping their wine, spinning out the minutes into a memory.
'Do you want to…to go now?' Daisy asked when her glass was empty.
'Yes. But we will dance again.' He wanted to be with her in public, as though she was his for all to acknowledge. He wanted to weave the measures of the dances with her, savouring the fleeting touch of her hand, the little smile as they managed a complex step safely, the aching thrill of the scent of her, warm and feminine, as she brushed against him.
'But you said until midnight,' she protested as they rose.
'I did not know then that you would let me love you,' he said, low against her ear, pretending to free a wisp of hair from her simple earring. 'We have all night, Daisy. All night to make magic'
He must have danced with hundreds of women in his lifetime, Lucas thought, watching Daisy laughing as she linked hands with the St
eward and let herself be spun around as the clock struck twelve. He could recall the faces of none of them. He had fancied himself in love more than once, but he could not remember their names now. He had believed himself strong and above emotional pain, and now he knew
he was wrong.
Daisy was still laughing when he took her hands again and swung her out of the set, through into the
hallway and up the stairs.
'Lucas,' she protested. 'The front stairs!'
'Only the best for you, my lady,' he teased as they ran up to the first landing and along the corridor to the back stairs, and he wondered why she blushed.
CHAPTER NINE
The room was in darkness save for the hot glow of the banked fire. Inside the door Lucas released her hand and went to kneel by the hearth to kindle a spill for the candles.
I should be afraid, she thought. I should be shy and apprehensive. Or at the very least ashamed of myself. But I am not. I love him. I do not know how to pleasure him, but he will show me and I will do it. Lucas turned his head and looked at her, a long, serious look that turned her bones to water.
'I must sit down. My knees…' She sat on the edge of the narrow bed. Was there room enough for both of them? Yes, if he held her tight. Rowan closed her eyes.
'I have a Christmas present for you.' She opened them and found he was standing there with a small lumpy parcel in his hands. 'It is a trifling thing. Foolish. But when I saw it…'
Rowan reached out and took it. It was surprisingly heavy for its size. She spread back the paper and found a small mug inside, made of glazed earthenware with an uneven verse trailed in cream slip around its curving belly. Smiling at the feel of it in her hands, she tilted it to the light and read:
To Forget and Forgive is a Maxim of Old
Tho I've learnt but one Half of it yet
The Theft of my Heart I can freely Forgive
But the Thief I can Never Forget.
'Oh, Lucas.' It was ridiculous doggerel. Why, then, did it bring a lump to her throat and a shimmer of tears to her eyes? 'Thank you. I might have given it to you and the words would be just as true.' She placed it carefully on the trunk beside the bed and looked at him. 'Come and kiss me. I thought sitting down would stop my knees knocking together, but I am still foolishly nervous.'
