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And I wasn’t risking running into Seth again right now, whether or not that made me a coward.
Now I was a coward who was ducking my head and rushing across the busy street to the safety of the tree-lined opposite side. Tall, stately buildings shielded me as I jog-walked to the diner, smiling at people as I passed, still walking like I was carrying a glass time bomb between my jittery thighs.
Nah, not a time bomb, just Seth Hamilton’s possible progeny.
The diner was like an oasis in the center of Main Street. I slipped inside and immediately aimed right for the back, tossing smiles and hellos as if they were confetti. But the second that swinging door shut behind me, I closed my eyes and breathed. Just breathed.
Made it.
My state of euphoria was short-lived.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Swallowing a sigh, I lifted one lid and faced my best friend. The other one, with cherub blond curls and green eyes that didn’t miss a trick. “I work here, last I knew.”
“Today is your day off,” Sage said as if I’d forgotten. “You’re all dressed up and everything. Love the shoes, by the way.”
“Thanks. My favorite pair.” I almost said my only dressy summer pair, but she already knew that, living with me and all. She’d seen the pathetic lack of nice clothes and shoes I’d moved into my closet.
I sucked at girling.
“Yet you sneaked in here, all spy-like. So what’s up? I want details.” Sage crossed her arms over her ample breasts. I’d been envious of her rack a time or two, until Seth had shown such appreciation for my set. Now it was hard to want any others.
Nope, I didn’t have it bad or anything. Badder, since I’d been sunk over him to begin with.
I grasped Sage’s arm and towed her along with me past the kitchen and out the door to the back hall and on to the storage closet where I’d had that confab with Seth almost a week ago. A week where I’d spent more nights tossing and turning than actually sleeping. I’d nearly confided in Sage about Seth’s latest suggestion, but I hadn’t because I didn’t know what she’d say. Would she tell me he’d clearly gone off his rocker and run while I still could? Or would the diehard romantic inside her insist I throw all caution to the wind and have a baby with the man I’d loved for so long?
So what if he wasn’t suggesting a real relationship. Those were so 2016. Besides, it wasn’t like I’d ever had one that last more than the change of a calendar from one month to another. A few dates, a few makeout sessions and things always petered out. A therapist would probably say I drove men away and had too high expectations. I’d say that I’d spent so many years being a caregiver to a woman I owed everything to and loved so much that I was too tired to waste emotional energy on dating. I’d already used up so much on just getting through every damn day.
But being with Seth didn’t require that whole getting-to-know-you dance. Even sex with him had been surprisingly effortless. We had a rhythm, even when he scared me shitless with this hidden dominant side of him and dirty talk.
Dirty talk, for God’s sake. From Seth. To me. The girl whose hair he’d held back after the prom when I lost every bit of the tequila I’d loaded up on to try to have a good time and get wasted with my friends. I’d never been skilled at cutting loose. As proven by the fact that the first time I had sex it was with a man who wanted to impregnate me, so obviously, I made weird choices.
And now I was going to have to admit them. Out loud.
I opened the storage room door and pulled Sage inside with me, shutting the door safely behind us. “You have to swear not to breathe a word of this to anyone. You have to promise me.”
Sage slapped her hands on her hips. “You think you need to ask? Of course your secrets are safe with me.” She held out a handy, pinky extended, and I smiled a little as I hooked mine with hers. “To the grave,” she said solemnly, and my smile turned into a slightly misty grin.
“To the grave,” I echoed.
“Did you make love with him again? Tell me.” Her eyes gleamed and she leaned closer, reminding me of a nosy news reporter. Her face was a few inches below mine but it didn’t lessen the invasive factor. “Was it amazing? The first time isn’t supposed to be, but the second…” She sighed dreamily. “Were their sparks?”
I slid away from the door so she couldn’t hem me in. She was like a pug—adorable, pushy, and relentless. “Don’t call it making love. That’s creepy. We fucked. Both times.”
“I knew it. I knew you had that sex flush going on. You’re the same color as your dress. Was it incredible? Was it all you hoped for? Did he give you a climax?”
“More creepiness. No, he didn’t give me a climax, he helped me to get there but I’d like to think I had a lot to do with it myself. The mind is the biggest sex organ, you know.”
“But it was better this time. It had to be better because you’re barely answering my questions.”
I gripped my shoulders, turning away to stare at a dusty corner of the storage room. I’d run from Seth’s right to this one, and every bit of my flight was weighing on me now. He’d been so incredible, so careful to make sure I was right there every step of the way, and I’d repaid him by taking off.
Again.
“It was more than I ever imagined,” I said
softly, swallowing over the grit in my throat. “He was almost desperate to have me. I never fathomed that could be real. That he could want me the way I always—”
