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“It does. It matters very much why a beautiful woman like yourself needs to constantly search for validation.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Then explain it to me.”
“I’m not completely without self-confidence. It’s just, if you have enough near misses, you start thinking you’re the problem. Especially if the guy you’ve told yourself will be the one can’t even get it up when you’re on top of him.”
I nearly laughed again, but I swallowed it down. One more careless reaction like that would send her fleeing from me, and I didn’t know if she’d ever peel open her shell again after this vacation.
Carefully, I inched forward in the tub, slowing but not stopping as she looked back at me, pupils wide. My legs slid against the outside of hers as I moved as close as I could without completely invading her personal space.
“Any man who wouldn’t treasure being intimate with you is a goddamn idiot.”
She shut her eyes for an instant, and I was deathly afraid she was crying. But when she opened them again, they were clear and dry. “You of all people know I have my flaws.”
“You sure do.”
“Hey, making me feel better or what?”
My lips twitched. “As do I. But you’re a gorgeous woman, and you’re trusting and sweet and probably too good for any asshole who ever tried to touch you.” I gripped the sides of the hot tub to keep from reaching for her. Proving my asshole status for sure.
Not yet. Let her come to you, in her own time. Or maybe not at all.
“You swear when you’re turned on,” she murmured, her breath hitching. That small, involuntary sound was enough all on its own to make my body strain toward hers.
That she was already learning my tells? Well, that was just the bonus round.
Before I could figure out an appropriate response to that, she slid forward in the tub, slipping her legs over mine until our chests and our centers were far too close. Loosely, she linked her arms around my neck, testing my resolve to keep my eyes directly on hers.
“You give good hugs.”
I took that for an invitation and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her in so that she was practically straddling my lap. But I didn’t grind into her or line up our mouths or any of that. I just drew her in and inhaled the fresh scent of her hair. Then she twined herself around me so trustingly, as if
we’d never fought about anything, and I was a man she could lean on rather than despise.
She sighed, so softly I almost missed it. Her forehead rested against mine and we just breathed together in the steamy, fragrant air.
“I make bad choices,” she said into the silence. “I pick emotionally unavailable men.”
The term would’ve made me roll my eyes any other time. Not now. Because as awful as it was, and as much as I didn’t want her to suffer any pain ever, I couldn’t help owing a debt of gratitude to those faceless, nameless men.
Thanks to them, this woman was in my arms.
“Like you,” she added after a moment. “If I were to pick you—which I’m not, by the way, not at all—but if I were to, you’re unavailable.”
“Doesn’t seem like it right now, seeing as you’re almost in my lap.”
Her mouth curved. “You know what I mean. You don’t want a relationship. You just want sex.” She wet her lips and shifted higher on my legs, gazing down at me with her face framed by the sexy blond tendrils of hair that had escaped her ponytail. “I agree. I’ve decided relationships aren’t for me. They’re too har—” She swallowed, casting a quick look between us. “Difficult.”
“Putting a different name on something doesn’t change the reality of what you want.” Saying it was worse than I expected. It meant I had to acknowledge her truth and abide by it.
More than anything, I didn’t want to be another man who hurt her. Even unintentionally.
“No, it means that I want both things—sex and love, and if one doesn’t come with the other, well, believe me, I’m okay with the one for now. Someday, I’ll find my big love.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to, since Sage was good at filling in all the awkward silences.
“Ally found hers years ago. That’s why she was a virgin, why she saved herself for Seth though she didn’t fully realize that’s what she was doing.”
