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“That’s true. I didn’t impregnate my young man.” She patted my arm. “You win, Snug.”
I couldn’t help laughing. “You’re incorrigible.”
“What’s your point?”
“Hell if I know. I don’t know what the future is going to look like.” I smoothed my jacket over my lap. “I’m trying to be okay with that when every part of me is used to controlling things down to the most minute detail. But lately, that’s not an option.”
“It’s also not an option when you’re dealing with a smart, capable young woman who has a pretty good head on her shoulders and isn’t about to be herded.”
“Tell me about it. But I love that about her. She stands up to me every time.” Hearing myself, I frowned. “I like it. A lot.”
“Mmm-hmm. So, you moved her in here solely to help with Lily, not because you can’t keep your hands off her and want to see every moment of that baby’s development.”
“We aren’t—it’s not like that between us right now. Those kisses you saw are the bulk of what’s happening.”
“No, it isn’t. Anyone with eyes could see plenty more is happening than that.”
I rubbed my hands over my bleary eyes. “I don’t know how to be a father to one baby, never mind two. But I’ve got to figure it out. Lily and Hannah deserve it.”
“As does your new baby.”
“Yeah.”
“No one knows how to be a parent. Some people never learn, but that doesn’t keep them from having kids. Sometimes a baker’s dozen of them. They just don’t put the mountains of pressure on themselves to do it all perfectly like you do.” She scooped a hand through my hair. “I still remember when you were a little boy, Snug. Your father was teaching you to ride a bicycle. Then he went in the house, but you wouldn’t stop. You kept trying over and over again, that grim determination on your face.”
“I finally learned.”
“You did and got a boatload of scrapes and bruises for your trouble.”
“I did. And I kept coming back for more.”
“As you will with this. You’ll probably have six kids by the time you’re forty.”
“Bite your tongue.”
Shaking her head, she smiled. “Stop looking for the handbook on how to do it right and enjoy the little moments. And always, always do everything with love.”
I swallowed deeply. She couldn’t have given me a better segue if I’d asked for one. “Do you think that applies to work as well?”
“It applies to every-damn-thing, Snug. Are you going to tell your mother?”
“Well, I’ll have to eventually, won’t I?”
“Not necessarily. How many times has she stopped by to see Lily?”
I didn’t reply, because I didn’t want to think about anyone else who had let Lily down. My mother had never given two whits about parenting me, so why would she care about Lily?
“Christ, am I like her? Is that what this is?” I jerked to my feet and flung my jacket on the couch. It was a good thing I didn’t have a much larger object to toss. I just might have. “I should warn Hannah not to expect anything more from me. I’m a decent provider, but anything else is off the table. Even the provider part is in question.”
“Shut up and sit down.” My grandmother patted the cushion beside her.
I sat. For once, I absolutely did not want to be right.
“You are the exact opposite of your mother and when you’re lucid, you know that quite well. The reason you get so tied up about doing the right thing is because you don’t want to
let anyone down. Like she let you down, over and over again. Like your father did.”
I said nothing.
