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Minus my whirling,
chaotic brain.
“Hannah?”
“Yes. I’m sorry. Are you sure?”
“Very. There’s no mistaking it.”
“But I got my period last month. Maybe the test is wrong.”
Dear God, please rethink this and make it wrong.
It was probably far too late for prayers. That one crazy night had changed my life.
Changed his life.
How was I going to tell Asher? He barely had time for the daughter he already had.
I officially had a baby daddy now—and he already had another kid.
Fuck me.
“Sometimes that happens shortly after implantation occurs. Some women even bleed every month for part of their pregnancy. The process is as individual for every woman as a fingerprint.”
“That’s reassuring.” I tugged at my ragged thumbnail and hopped to my feet. I had some meals to deliver this afternoon and a new dog to take out for his nightly sabbatical before I met Asher at his house for a tour. “Well, thanks. If we’re finished now, I’ll just be going.”
“Hannah, wait.” Dr. Ellis rose and came around her desk to peer down at me through her round Lennon-style glasses. “Typically, I give some counseling at this stage. Just so a woman is aware of her options.”
“Options.” I rubbed my forehead. Already I knew those options weren’t for me. I might not have planned on a baby, but I would be having it. “You mean abortion.”
“And adoption,” she added gently, reaching for a few pamphlets on her desk. “If you’d like, you can read these over, and we can talk after you’ve done some thinking.”
I waved them off. “No, thank you. I’m keeping the baby.”
It was too soon for me to say my baby. None of this felt real. I was still wondering if I’d wake up in bed anytime now.
“Okay then. I’ll prescribe you some prenatal vitamins.”
“Prenatal. Right. Because it’s not just about me and my impending panic attack.”
She smiled kindly and I nearly bristled when she moved forward to touch my arm. My reaction turned her smile into a frown. “I take it this wasn’t news you were hoping for.”
Mutely, I shook my head. I felt guilty for admitting it. I had to be a heathen. What kind of woman didn’t jump for joy when she found out she was expecting?
So many women tried to have babies and could not, and here I was, easily pregnant—so freaking easily—and not tossing confetti.
I was just…numb. Shocked. Scared witless even through my paralysis.
“I was a virgin until New Year’s. It was only one night.” I swallowed hard, shoving down all the babbling I could barely contain.
I don’t know how to be a mother. I don’t even fully know how to take care of myself.
How can I? I don’t have my own mother anymore.
I had no one to go to. No one to counsel me. My sisters were more experienced than I was, but not when it came to this situation—and Lord, I hoped that remained true for a good long time.
My bestie Gabriela would definitely have no idea what to do about something like this. She was a good time girl who didn’t get slowed down by much. Clearly, she employed better birth control than I’d used.
