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I am proud. Javier isn’t the kid he used to be. He better, stronger, although I don’t know if I can take credit for that. He has his mother’s resolve. “I don’t have a choice.”
“Javier’s good . . . He’s going to be okay. Now it’s time for you to be happy.”
“Are you referring to women?” She nods, smiling. “My dick thanks you, but my heart can’t. Not yet. Besides, I can’t bring someone around if I’m not serious about them. And how can I get serious with anyone without telling them about his mother? That’s a lot to put on someone.”
“What if they already knew?”
“It’d be easier,” I admit, shrugging her off, knowing it would also be impossible. Guerra cleaned up at the mansion. The police were never notified and nothing showed up in the papers. Life went on as though the day never happened.
“Then . . . easier has just arrived,” she says, tipping her head through the sliding glass door.
I look through the glass to the angel I never thought I’d see again. The feeling of being locked tight eases for the first time since Maria died. “What is she doing here?”
“I invited her.” Tori smiles. “It’s time to make dad happy, too.”
“I don’t know what to say to her.” Nerves zip through me as my eyes stay on Peyton. Her gorgeous blonde hair has grown out, reaching down to the curve of her back. I loved her and I may still love her, but everything’s changed. I’m not the man I was then. “She hates me.”
“In my experience, hating you means loving you too. Go talk to her. I’ll keep an eye on the boys.”
Our eyes meet but struggle to stay connected as I push the slider open. My heart swells with the love I never wanted to feel for Peyton. The love I don’t want to feel now. There were times I considered calling her, but what do you say to a woman who you dumped for someone else. “Hey, the girl I left you for is dead. So . . . You want to pick up where we left off?” Total bullshit and she would have called me on it.
Even now as I walk toward her and see her smile, welcoming me with reassurance, I know she can’t possibly forgive me. The last time we spoke, I felt how much I’d hurt her. I allowed myself to fall in love with two women and I failed them both.
“Hey.” Hearing her voice stings more than I anticipated. Every ounce of guilt and remorse I’ve ever felt pierces my heart and all I can do is stare at her. While her hair is longer, she looks the same. She’s the same confident and gorgeous Peyton. “It’s good to see you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, nearly brought to tears by her presence. There should be nothing good about seeing me because I have nothing to say to her that won’t hurt her more than I already have.
“That’s what I was going to say.” Her slumped posture is all wrong. I shake my head, upset that she feels she should apologize for anything. I was wrong. She’s not the same confident woman. She’s simply pretending to be and it’s my fault. “I truly am. I’m sorry about Maria. I know how much you loved her.”
“Can we talk outside?” I ask, looking around at a house mostly filled with strangers.
She nods and then follows me outside the front door. I continue walking until I reach the large oak tree on the side of the house. Peyton follows my lead, sitting in the shade provided by the branches.
Unable to communicate how sorry I am, I sit, staring at my beautiful angel. She makes no effort to remove the golden strands of hair the wind wisps around her face as though they offer a bit of cover from my gaze that I know tells her I’m not ready to be near her.
“I’m moving back home,” she tells me, picking at the long blades of grass by her feet.
My heart shrivels to nothing. I haven’t seen in her in close to a year and I have no right to ask her to stay, but I can’t stand the thought of her leaving San Diego. M
y thoughts rage a war in my head between begging her to stay and letting her go. She’ll meet someone who deserves her and live a happy, ordinary life like her parents. Still, just being near her makes me feel like I’ve been resurrected, and I selfishly want to keep her close to me until she brings me fully back to life.
“When?” I ask.
She continues pulling at the grass without looking up, which further wreaks havoc on my emotions. I’ve reduced the confidence in her to a point so low it makes me sick. Peyton’s another in a long line of people I failed. I owed her more than I gave her when I left, but I’d been blinded by my own selfish needs. And even now I can only concern myself with how I feel.
“The end of the month,” she answers with her gaze still scanning the grass. That’s only three measly weeks. It’s not enough time, but how many days or months is enough to grieve a loss and open your heart up again? Her head lifts as a smile forms on her perfect pink lips. “Unless I have a reason to stay.”
And there’s the confidence I’d yet to see today, only it comes with a dose of faith I simply can’t give her.
“Peyton . . .” My words catch, knowing what I have to say will erase that beautiful smile.
“I love you,” she blurts, looking as shocked as I am that she said it. “There, now it’s out.”
“I . . .” I’m still too stunned for words and I stare at her with my mouth hanging open. How can she love me? She doesn’t even know me, not the real me.
The stare down continues as I count the number of times my heartbeat leaps begging me to ask her to stay. When I reach one hundred, I can no longer tolerate the disappointment in her eyes. She deserves better, but when I start to stand, her hand pulls on my arm.
“Just hear me out.” I reluctantly sink back onto the grass. I owe her a few precious minutes. “I didn’t want to, but I fell in love with you. And then, I had to let you go. So, I put on my big girl pants and I tried to move on. Tori and I became good friends. I don’t know if you know that?”
