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She has my full attention as I lift my head. “I’m listening.”
The loud sigh she exhales worries me. Whatever her alternative route is, she’s nervous about sharing.
“Okay so I’ve done a little research into adoption. I know it’s not biological children, but we could adopt children close in age to Javier and in the process give two kids a home that need one and love like our own, like we love Javier.”
While Peyton still contracts interior design jobs, she spends most of her time volunteering with Liv at The Center. She’s shared with me how she never expected to share a bond with any of the children. Only as the months passed, she grew increasingly fond of Camilia and Paco. She talks about them all the time and I have a feeling her looking into adoption has something to do with them, which if possible makes me love her even more. Knowing she may end up extremely disappointed guts me, but she has to know what adopting in Mexico entails.
“I love you and I love that you love Paco and Camilia as much as I do. But, there’s a ton of red tape involved, Peyton. Believe me, I’ve looked into it myself.”
Blush sweeps over her cheeks as she nibbles on her bottom lip.
“I might have already had Rodrigo file the necessary forms and as long as we’re willing to move to Mexico, and take temporary custody, he doesn’t see any reason the government will deny the application. Although it will take time, but no more than conceiving a child of our own.”
“You’re really serious about this?”
“They’re a pair and they deserve a real home and Javier knows them already. It’s fate . . . or something. I don’t know. Most women feel some physical need to conceive a child, and I do too, but my desire to have Paco and Camilia join our family is so much stronger. And Rodrigo says that because we’re US citizens that once the process clears in Mexico, we can file US citizenship for them and move back to the states. If that’s what we want.”
Here I thought asking about adding to our family was out of the blue. Clearly she’s been thinking about it a lot longer than I have. While it takes me a bit of time to process what she’s thrown at me, I know I want what she wants. I’ve wanted to adopt those two kids from the moment I met them, but it never felt quite right. I was never ready. Either I didn’t have a family to give them or my life was too chaotic to be there how they would need me. But now I have a family that could provide them with the life they deserve.
I can’t help but wonder if Rodrigo knew all along I wasn’t in a place to provide what Paco and Camilia needed and he over dramatized the process to deter me. If so, I owe him many thanks for putting their needs before mine.
“Are you opposed to having bio babies also?”
“No,” she says, quietly. “I didn’t actually know what you’d think of that since three kids is already a lot.”
“I want a house full of children with you.”
“Me too.” Her hand pushes into my chest when I go to hug her. “One more thing. There’s a house just up the beach from Tori that I might of, kind of put an offer on. Can we go look at it?”
She’s taken care of all the details and as I stare at her full bottom lip, I want her to take care of my raging hard on. “Yes, but first, I want to have baby making sex.”
“Boob!”
She squeals as I tickle her mercilessly.
One month later we moved to Mexico, and two weeks after that, Paco and Camilia joined our family. The day they came home with us was emotional, but the day Aubrey Olivia was born overwhelmed me. Looking into your wife’s eye’s when she holds your baby for the first time changes a man. The bond with Paco and Camilia developed over time. I worked for it. While the bond with all of my children is unbreakable, with Aubrey, it was instant.
I look at her and see a part of me. Not just in her thick brown hair, or her crocked smile, but in her trust and immediate devotion. She’s the best parts of me in an innocent package, sent to remind me my past was long ago. My mistakes are forgiven. I won’t forget my poor choices and chance making them again, but I’ve let go of the weight. And with every beautiful laugh from my daughter, I know with certainty, I finally took a risk that paid off.
Family is the greatest reward bestowed upon a man, and I only have to look into Aubrey’s twinkling brown eyes to remember I deserve mine.
There are days I sit on the beach with my wife by my side, and Aubrey in my arms, and can’t believe the unconditional love my life is filled with. I used to believe when things were broken they could never be fixed. They can, with time and family and love, nothing is irreparable.
Healing takes faith. Once I accepted I wasn’t irredeemable, even my tattered heart could be mended.
