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“My parents were separated for a time when your mom and dad were dating. My dad stayed in the apartment above your grandparent’s store. Your mom and my dad were friends, and one night they…”
Reese interrupted. “Don’t even say they hooked up, Claire. That’s gross.” He scrunched up his face like a little boy watching a couple kiss in a movie.
Just say it.
“Reese, can you be mature for like five minutes so we can get through this conversation?” I scolded, having a hard enough time with getting the words out. How was I supposed to tell him that the man he called dad, his entire life, was not his real father. “Reese, you were born nine months later.” I just spit it out, unable to think of any delicate way to announce it.
He frowned and started tapping his foot on the bench next to where I was sitting. “What? That’s a lie. No, my mom and dad were married when I was born. You’re mistaken. That can’t be true!”
“Difficult as it is to hear, it’s true, Reese…our parents shared a night together. We are brother and sister. The Agents missed our relation when they decided you were my Paramour. They only saw the strength of our connection, not the reason for it. After you met with Kace, and things started changing, they looked into it. From the beginning, you should have been my Aegis. Brent was always my Paramour.”
Reese looked like I just kicked him in the shins, and in a way, I had. He was sullen, silently processing what I laid out before him. Tears filled his eyes, glossing over his grey stare. He blinked and the drops streaked down each side of his pained face. My heart ached for him and his loss.
“I am so sorry, Reese. I know this is so much to think about. It seems like things are really messed up but I’ve witnessed how it works out. It’s going to be okay,” I assured him, placing my palm gently on his knee, trying to offer some sort of affection to my brother.
“How can you say that?” Reese snapped, pushing my hand away. “My mom cheated on my dad…um Dave…Jesus, Claire. He’s the best man I’ve ever known.” The tears were cascading down his cheeks as though the ducts were an open dam to his heart.
“He’s still your dad, Reese,” I said reassuringly, biting back the anger I felt towards my father for his involvement.
He glared at me. His grey eyes, looking like a thin layer of ice in the winter, chilled me.
“How could she have done that to my father?”
Borrowing words from my mother, I answered. “I don’t know, Reese. I think it’s the way it was meant to be. It happened for a reason.”
“That’s a load of crap, Claire.” Reese’s shock was replaced with fury.
“I didn’t finish. The reason…is me,” I said, my voice breaking, holding back tears. I wanted to be strong for him.
“I don’t care what the reason is. My dad worships my mom, Claire. Jesus, you should see them together. She’s his greatest prize. He’s living a lie, don’t you see that? My life is one big lie…my dad…my purpose…you.”
“Don’t say that Reese, please,” I implored, not wanting him to believe what he was saying.
“Look, I am not mad at you Claire. I just need some time to deal with all of this,” he said, sounding more like the young man he was, and less like the impulsive teenager that both amused and annoyed me. He jumped from the picnic table, his shoulders were slumped and his head hung low as he shuffled back to the Audi, ending the conversation. Deciding it was best to give him some time and space – rather than push him to accept things – I followed him far behind, back to the car.
You can cut the tension with a knife was precisely the feeling in the car as we coasted down the highway. Reese was impassive but stoic, his ear buds firmly in place. He hadn’t moved even to reposition himself. My mouth formed a small curve as I noted his pursed lips. He was my brother, all right.
The black stained sky opened up. Rain streamed down the window with force, and the wipers struggled to keep up. Drops pounded rhythmically onto the roof of the Audi, beating like the sound of a drum. The loud growing boom of thunder briefly muffled the sound of the rain and brilliant blue lightning streaked across the sky in front of us. Thunderstorms were slightly terrifying to me so I was thankful when Brent pulled off the highway somewhere in Connecticut.
We found a hotel that offered suites designed for extended visits, although I knew we wouldn’t be staying long. Brent left the car idling, and told us to wait while he checked in.
The silence between Reese and I was maddening. It was the same silence that was also deafening, because my brain refused to stop racing, thinking about the current situation and the eventual outcome. It wasn’t the first time I had felt this way. But never had I had such an ache in my heart. Previous despondency almost always involved someone I didn’t know very well. Silence this uncomfortable was purposely brought on by accident. For example, sitting down next to a stranger on the bus that frowns at you brings on the awkwardness. You know you’re invading their personal space, but you ride it out anyway, afraid to move, assuming you might offend the person if you did. Relief would come eventually, when one of you reached your stop.
Would Reese and I ever be able reach our stop and move forward?
Reese looked intently out the window, making no effort to acknowledge that I was sitting so close. His jaw was tight –the frustration gathered across his brow, reminding me so much of our father. I wanted to say something to break the tension, something meaningful, but instead, opted for something insignificant. “The drive was nice, wasn’t it? The leaves are so pretty when they first start to change.”
“Really Claire, you want to talk about trees?”
Good one, Claire. Why didn’t you just keep your trap shut?
Quieting my know-it-all subconscious, I continued. “Not really. I just couldn’t stand you not saying anything”
“Yeah, well, get used to it,” he mocked, shutting me down.
But I wasn’t about to give up. “Come on Reese, you have to talk to me eventually.” I bit my lip, anticipating his sharp reply.
He leaned forward between the seats to get attention. His icy stare gave me goose bumps.
