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I lean in toward him, whisper in his ear, “I’m talkin’ ’bout this”—I grab at his crotch—“I want some dick, lil’niggah.” I squeeze it for emphasis.
“Damn.”
I step off when Tupac’s “Wonder Why They Call You Bitch” starts playin’ from the jukebox. “Aaaah, shit. They takin’ me way back with this right here.” I drop down, then pop it back up. “This used to be my shit.” I throw up deuces. “Rest in Peace, Tupac, baby!”
I jump up and down, stepping back up in Buddha’s face, singing. “You wonder why they call me bitch?”—I pull him by the arms—“ ’Cause I take it in the ass, bring a niggah to his knees. Give him head. Suck that nut out and swallow. Fuck him in another bitch’s bed . . . ”
He starts laughin’. “You funny as hell.”
“Yo, here you go, ma,” Sneaky-Ass says, finally walkin’ back over and handin’ me my drink. I tell him thanks.
Dickalina snatches her bag off one of the nearby empty tables. “Girl, Knutz is talkin’ a buncha shit. Let’s get outta here before he comes up in here tryna set shit off.”
I suck my teeth. “Bitch, fuck him! We’re out having a few drinks. Make that niggah wait. I keep tellin’ your retarded-ass to get rid of him. You know that niggah’s not playin’ with a full deck. I told you I think they took half of his brain out at birth as part of an experiment. But you don’t wanna believe me.”
Buddha laughs.
Dickalina shakes her head. “Now why in the fuck would they do some stupid shit like that? Ain’t nothin’ wrong with my baby.”
“Bitch, how the fuck I know? He was probably a part of some botched brain study to cure retardation.”
“Whatever. I’m ready to go. I don’t feel like arguin’ with his ass all fuckin’ night, so let’s roll.”
I raised a brow. “Girl, you better hop a ride on a dick, or walk. I’m not ready to go.”
She huffs. “Oh, so now you not ready to go. Mmmph, ain’t that somethin’. Just a few minutes ago you said you were ready to bounce. Now all of a sudden you done changed ya mind.”
“Yeah, ho, I was. That’s until I knew Buddha was up in here and before I knew Knutz was spazzin’ out, poppin’ a buncha shit. Now I wanna stay. Knutz’s ass is already pissed, so let him stay pissed until we finish gettin’ our drinks on.”
“Well, yeah. You gotta point there. Fuck him then.” When the music stops playin’, she yells over to the bartender. “Hey, Leroy, let me get a Bloody Tampon; extra bloody.”
Girlfriend knows she’s gonna need that extra shot of yak ’cause the minute she stumbles through the door, Knutz’s crazy-ass is gonna whoop the shit outta her.
I grin. “That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout, girl. Show that crazy niggah who’s boss.”
Nine
“Girl . . . I’m so glad . . . that we . . . stayed,” Dickalina says, leanin’ over toward the passenger window. She has the window down so the air can hit her in the face. She’s real twisted. Mmmph. There’s nothin’ worse than seein’ a bitch that can’t hold her liquor. “I had a nice . . . time . . . ”
“Yeah, and a little too damn much to drink.”
She turns to face me to say somethin’, but starts coughin’ and gaggin’ and dry-heaving.
“Bitch, if you throw up in my damn truck, I’m gonna push your ass out and leave you on the damn curb for the garbage truck.”
She glances over her shoulder at me. “Oh, fuck you, Stank Booty. Ain’t nobody gonna throw up in yo’ shit. I’m feelin’ nice. I ain’t fucked up. You always somew
here talkin’ shit. That’s why I can’t stand ya ugly ass.”
“Ho, shut the fuck up with your dumb, drunk, ghetto-ass. You the ugly one with that stank-ass name of yours. Dickalina.” I laugh. “Who the fuck names their child Dickalina? Don’t even get me started on your Rent-to-Own ass, boo-boo.”
She leans her head back on the headrest. “Eat my ass.”
I laugh. “Yeah, right. Save that shit-stained cavern for that buck-tooth niggah of yours. He seems to like his teeth brown any-damn-way.”
She playfully swats me on the arm, chuckling. “Oooh, fuck you. You wrong for that. Leave my man’s teeth alone. He can’t help it if his triflin’-ass mammy didn’t do anything about gettin’ his teeth fixed when he was younger.”
I frown, stoppin’ at a light. “Ho, that six-foot-five, two-hundred-and-somethin’-pound niggah is a grown-ass man.”
