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“That I had to talk to you about it.”
He eyed me curiously. “But what did you want to tell her?”
His words caused my heart to drum against my breastbone so hard I feared it might burst through my chest. We weren’t talking it through. We weren’t making a
pro/con list. He was going right for the jugular by point blank asking what I actually wanted to do.
Before Rhys posed the question, I wasn’t certain of what I wanted. In a way, I felt conflicted by obligation to Keira. Was my desire to help her greater than my actual desire for a baby? Was I really ready to be a mother? I was only twenty-five. I had so many years to fulfill my desire for a child.
Selfishly, I couldn’t help but wonder how it might hurt my rising design career. Things were hot for me at the moment. Drawing inspiration from my days as a nanny, I had begun to debate stepping out on my own to design a children’s line. How could I cultivate my career while also giving a child the necessary time and attention he or she deserved?
Even as my mind spun with the what-ifs, I couldn’t help imagining a baby nestled in my arms. One that hadn’t grown within my body, but who would grow in my heart. And a sob rose in my throat. One I hadn’t anticipated or expected. “I want the baby.”
Rhys didn’t respond. Instead, he just kept staring at me as if he were trying to peer into my soul. I swiped my cheeks with my index fingers. “I know it doesn’t make any sense for where we are in our lives right now. I know we’ve talked about when I would get pregnant. I know we have a lifetime to be parents. I know there are infertile couples who are desperately waiting for a baby.” I hiccupped another sob. “But more than anything, I know I want this baby.”
When Rhys still didn’t say anything, I placed my hand on his heart. “Say something,” I pleaded.
“I know I’m fucking scared to death about my abilities of being a father. I know that fear won’t change based on whether the child is mine or someone else’s. I know some men wouldn’t be able to embrace the idea of raising someone else’s child, but I was shown more love and affection from my nanny and our cook than I ever was from my parents, not to mention the love of my bandmates.” He reached out to cup my cheek. “I know I should tell you we need to sleep on this—that we need to take time to process the enormity of the situation. But I don’t want to do that.”
“You don’t?”
A smile curved on his lips. “No. I want us to adopt the baby.”
I squealed before throwing myself into his arms. “This is crazy. You know that, right?” I laughed against his chest.
He chuckled. “Oh, yeah, it’s crazy. Epically batshit crazy.”
“No one does crazy better than us, right?”
“You got that right.”
I brought my lips to meet his. “Just when I think I couldn’t love you more,” I murmured against his mouth.
“I know just what you mean.”
When he pulled away, his expression was serious. Sucking in a breath, I asked, “Oh no. You’re not changing your mind, are you?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Then what is it?”
“I didn’t tell you about it because I was afraid I would worry you. But I’ve had this feeling lately.”
“A bad feeling?”
“No. It was a good one actually. Well, I guess I should say it was more of longing. Like something was missing.” Rhys shook his head. “I had some really crazy thoughts running through my mind like we needed to move, or I needed to take on some sort of solo project from the band. Anything to fill this weird longing I was experiencing.”
My heart leapt into my throat when tears shimmered in his eyes. “I guess this is what it was about all along.”
“That’s….” I swallowed the rising lump in my throat. “The most beautiful thing.”
“It really is amazing how it all came together.”
“I can’t believe you were feeling like that and didn’t tell me.”
“There were many times I wanted to, but I felt it was better if I worked through it myself first.”
Maybe Rhys was right. If he had told me what he was feeling, I would have probably worried and overanalyzed that something was missing in our marriage. How could I have ever imagined what it truly was?
