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“Gotta. Can’t wait. Lo.” He gripped her ass, his big hand spanning her cheeks as he held her in place. His eyes pinning her as surely as his dick held her wide open, trembling on the verge.
Then he drew back and slammed forward once more, and she sliced her nails down his neck, howling out her pleasure until his mouth crashed down on hers and muffled the sound. A moment later, he followed her, his shaft swelling impossibly huge before he pulsed his release deep inside her, filling her with his warmth as he grunted against her lips. She cradled him close, prolonging the moment, rolling her hips to meet his. Not wanting to waste a single drop.
She’d never expected to be possessive. To be so dirty and love every second of it.
He’d given her that too. He’d given her so much.
Panting, she tipped her forehead to his, framing his stubbled cheeks with her hands. Just breathing with him until her chaotic heartbeat started to slow.
“I can’t believe I did this,” he whispered, jerking back, his cock still embedded inside her.
“What?’ she whispered back, half delirious. She’d come so hard her spine was still vibrating. If he moved just a fraction, dragged himself just right against her inner walls, she could probably come again.
“I’m inside you. Raw.”
“I know. God, so good. I didn’t know it could feel like that—” She reached for him, confused when he slammed a fist against the wall right beside her head. She startled, but not because she thought he would hurt her. Down deep, she was certain he wouldn’t.
Ever.
But then the haze cleared and she understood. He didn’t know. She hadn’t shared her surprise with him yet.
So many things she hadn’t told him, picking her moment. This one, and the other, bigger one.
The one involving three little words that loomed so large.
“I’m supposed to protect you. I know better. This is my responsibility. Fuck, I couldn’t even do this one thing for you. I need to keep you safe. Always.” He slammed the wall again and she didn’t even flinch this time.
She touched his arm. “Baby, wait, you don’t understand.” The sweet lovey-dovey nickname felt foreign on her tongue, but his fury felt even more so. “I did a thing—”
“Whatever you did, I did this. Just like I’ve done so much else.” He pulled himself out of her and the loss of his presence inside her was worse than a slap. Being without him when he was so angry caused a physical ache in her core.
When he let her legs down, she wrapped her arms around herself, just standing there as he blew out a breath and hauled up her panties and jeans before dealing with his own. He zipped and buttoned her up, then took care of himself, turning around to face the opposite direction.
“West.” She touched his shoulder, but it was like granite. Immovable.
“I’m no good for you. You have to see it. Your mother was right. If I get you in a bad way—”
She pressed her face against his back and slid her arms around his waist. “I told you. There is no bad. Whatever happened, we’d handle it together. But you don’t have to worry here. I’m protected. We’re protected. I got on BC as soon as we got back to California. All good.”
He didn’t seem to hear her. “A guy like Ethan wouldn’t do shit like this. He wouldn’t be so reckless and put his own needs in front of yours. Nothing should come before you. Nothing.” He gripped her hand, tapping it against his heart. Though he wasn’t facing her, she could imagine the pain written on his features and it tore her in two. “He’s a good man, Lo. So much better than me. With a real job, one that matters—”
“Goddammit, West, I’ve had about enough of you feeling sorry for yourself. So quit it. Fucking quit it right now.” She yanked him around to face her, well aware that people were close by.
They could probably hear every word, and the last thing she wanted to do was shame him or cause him public embarrassment in any way. But this needed to be said.
“You’re right. Ethan is a good guy. That’s why he’s been my best friend all these years. I miss him. I hate that I missed the signs right in front of my eyes. But he’s not you. He doesn’t make me laugh just by crossing his eyes and tickling me. He doesn’t reach over and hold me in the night when I have a nightmare. He definitely doesn’t tuck my head against his chest so I can hear his heartbeat and know that everything is going to be all right.”
West stared at her, clenching his jaw. Then he closed his eyes, shutting her out.
Fine. That was just fine. Because she wasn’t through, and he’d listen whether he wanted to or not.
“I’d just finally decided not to go back. Not to go back to my parents and school and my life. You know why? Because my life, the real one I thought we were building, is with you.”
His eyes flashed open and he fisted his hand at his side.
“I want us to be together. I want us to figure out what it means to create something real and strong and true. More than we’ve seen at home. More than we’ve known ourselves. Because you know what? The past doesn’t fucking define us. It’s a starting place, but it’s only an ending one if you make it so.”
Again, he flexed his fists, as if he wanted to reach for her and couldn’t figure out how. “Lo,” he murmured, and that single word was wrought with more pain than she could bear.
