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Ryan sat on the couch and buried his head in his hands. He should let her go. Just give her those few minutes to herself under the spray. She needed that time.
And he needed to hold her away from the prying eyes and questions that had chased them all night long.
“Colorado,” he murmured, not at all expecting her to hear him.
Hell, she was probably already in the bathroom. The bus was small, but his voice had barely even been audible.
He waited for the shower to turn on. Maybe then he’d be able to give in to the heat and pressure behind his eyes. Never, ever would he want her to see him cry. He hadn’t thought he needed to. It wasn’t exactly something he did on a regular basis. But the band around his chest hadn’t let up all night, and if he didn’t pop a valve soon, he was going to lose it at the wrong time.
Like when she was listening nearby, or watching him from the other end of the bus aisle, just standing there in her bra and panties and gripping her throat as if she had to hold on to something. Anything.
All he wanted was for her to reach for him, so he could reach back.
He turned his head and stared at her, so beautiful and fragile, unable to stem the sound of grief that tore through him and echoed through the bus. She lurched forward, staggering toward him and dropping to her knees beside him. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair, drawing in deep breaths of her honey scent until the air in his lungs wasn’t choking him any longer. That slick sting of whisky and pricey cologne was gone, replaced by the sweetness of the woman he loved.
“It’s okay,” she whispered again and again, rocking them both. “We’re okay now.”
He didn’t have the vocabulary to describe the tangle of emotions inside him, so he didn’t try. He just held on to her, moving with her, letting the raw, ragged sound of her breathing soothe his own. His heart raced with hers, then slowed, the beats syncing up again as the storm of worry and fury and terror passed.
His face was wet when he drew away, but he didn’t try to discreetly dry his cheeks. He was too focused on her. The way she tipped back her head to meet his eyes, how she so carefully scanned his face, her lips trembling open at what she found there. He didn’t try to shield her from any of his feelings. She deserved all of them, and he couldn’t ask her for things he wouldn’t offer himself.
“You made me come after you.”
She bowed her head, her shoulders shaking.
“But I will. I always fucking will, Colorado. ’Til death do us part.”
“Me too,” she whispered. “Me too.”
“I love you,” he said thickly, and she nodded, raising her head so that the fresh tears spilling onto her cheeks glistened in the growing sunshine. “I can’t think about how close I could’ve come to losing you, so I have to think about you being with me. Here, today. Tomorrow. Forever.”
“Ry—”
“Just let me get it all out. Please.”
Nodding again, she fell silent.
He fumbled out the little black box still in his pocket and set it on the sofa cushion beside him. “I bought this tonight. After I left the hotel room, I went down to a jewelry shop and picked this out for you. And I know the timing is all wrong, and you’re probably not ready, and hell, we haven’t even gone on a real date yet, because tying you up to the hotel bed doesn’t count.”
She let out a watery laugh, pressing her fist against her mouth.
“I was going to wait until the timing seemed right. First, I had to win the bet I’d made tonight. That would be the first sign. I bet that the band would win. Because the show was partially sponsored by The Hummingbird Group, and that made it special for us. Right back to the first night I touched you, hummingbirds meant something important. From a shitty motel to the band’s biggest night.” He lifted his head, zeroing in on her face until her dark, damp eyes were all he could see. “Tonight they were what told me you were in danger.”
She let her hand fall into her lap. “I didn’t know how else to tell you. He was reading over my shoulder. I knew you might not understand that I was under duress, but I had to try.”
“It took me a minute, but I got it. There were other things I got tonight too.” He picked up her hand and stroked her fingers. They were so soft and so strong at the same time. Just as she was. “After hearing some of the shit I heard that Salzano bastard was into, I understand more and more why gambling freaked you out. It stopped being just recreational for me when I got my ass kicked. It became a problem, but because I figured I didn’t crave it, I was okay.”
She didn’t say anything as he paused to suck in a breath. Just gave him time to get where he was going.
“I wasn’t. Not because I lost so much money or because it took over my life, but because it will always have the potential to make me do some reckless things. You were the one who worried about me when I was MIA all the time because I was playing poker too much. I can’t be that guy anymore. Disappearing into a card game for nights on end was different before. Now I have you.” He kissed the tips of her fingers. “You’re worth so much more to me than a high like that ever could be.”
She curled her fingers around his and held on.
“It won’t always be easy. I’ll probably slip and forget that I probably shouldn’t casually place a bet like the next guy. I can’t promise I’ll never fail you, or myself. But I can promise I’m going to try like hell to be a man who is worthy of you. Maybe even worthy of some mini Denvers someday down the line. Or not…” he added quickly, trailing off as she shook her head.
Her throat bobbed with her swallow. “I want kids someday.”
“Yeah? Well, that’s handy then. One thing we have in common.”
