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‘Yes, but I assumed it was something in me that was lacking, not in my relationship.’
‘Life has a funny way of working itself out.’ He turned his head to look at her. ‘Have you told Lexi about us yet?’
A grey cloud rolled over her happiness. ‘No,’ she said. ‘Not yet.’
‘Are you going to tell her?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘You’re afraid of her reaction?’
‘Yes. She was devastated when Clive left. Horrified that he was involved with another woman. Apart from the obvious issues, teenagers don’t like to see their parents as living, breathing sexual beings.’
And she didn’t know what to say. I’ve taken a lover…
What exactly was their relationship? What could there be?
Ryan rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow so that he could see her. ‘I want to be with you, Jenna. I want more than lunchtimes and the occasional Sunday afternoon when Lexi is with her friends. I want more.’
Looking into his blue eyes, she felt her heart spin and dance. ‘How much more?’
‘I love you.’ Ryan touched her face gently, as if making a discovery. ‘I’ve loved you since you stepped off that boat looking like someone who had walked away from an accident.’
‘You love me?’ Jenna was jolted by a burst of happiness and he smiled.
He looked more relaxed than she’d ever seen him. ‘Is that a surprise?’
‘I didn’t dare hope. I thought it might be just—’ She was whispering, afraid that she might disturb the dream. ‘I love you, too. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I didn’t know it was possible.’
‘Neither did I.’ He kissed her gently, stroked her hair protectively with a hand that wasn’t quite steady. Then he gave a shake of his head. ‘You’ve never asked me about my marriage or why I ended up here. I’m sure there are things you want to know about me.’
‘I assumed that if there was anything you wanted me to know, you’d tell me when you were ready.’
‘You’re a very unusual woman, do you know that? You’re able to love me, not knowing what went before?’
‘It’s not relevant to how I feel about you.’
He breathed in deeply, his eyes never shifting from hers. ‘I was married—to Connie. She was a very ambitious woman. Connie was born knowing what she wanted in life and nothing was going to stand in her way. We met when we were medical students. We were together briefly, and then met up again when we were both consultants in the same hospital. Looking back on it, we were a disaster waiting to happen, but at the time I suppose it must have seemed right.’
Thinking of her own situation, Jenna nodded. ‘That happens.’
His laugh was tight and humourless. ‘I think the truth is I was too busy for a relationship and Connie understood that. I was fighting my way to the top and I didn’t need a woman asking me what time I’d be home at night. Connie didn’t care what time I came home because she was never there to see. She was fighting her way to the top, too.’
Jenna sat quietly, letting him speak. She had an image in her head. An image of a beautiful, successful woman. The sort of woman she’d always imagined a man like him would choose. The cream of the crop. Bright and brilliant, like him. They would have been a golden couple. ‘Was she beautiful?’
‘No.’ His hand dropped from her face and he sat up. Stared out across the sea. ‘Physically I suppose she would be considered beautiful,’ he conceded finally. ‘But to me beauty is so much more than sleek hair and well-arranged features. Connie was cold. Selfish. Beauty is who you are and the way you behave. We were both very wrapped up in our careers. We worked all day, wrote research papers in what little spare time we had—our house had two offices.’ He frowned and shook his head. ‘How could I ever have thought that what we had was a marriage?’
‘Go on…’
‘I wanted us to start a family.’
‘Oh.’ It hadn’t occurred to her that he might have a child. That was one question she hadn’t asked. ‘You have—?’
‘I brought the subject up one night, about a week after I’d made Consultant. I thought it would be the perfect time.’
‘She didn’t agree?’
He stared blindly across the ocean and into the far distance. ‘She told me she’d been sterilised.’
